WhoDeyRevolution

Guest Post of the Week: Bengals.com Doing Spring Cleaning

Below is a guest column from Comrade Truckside Meats.  This is actually all true.  Check it out for yourself. 

The Bengals recently launched mybengalssearch.com, a team sponsored search engine where users accumulate “swag bucks” by using the site. These “swag bucks” can be redeemed for amazing prizes like Groundhog Day on VHS, X-Men trading cards, or a copy of The Blue Flower by Penelope Fitzgerald.

You can also get Bengals-related items like a 2007 Team Photo, a training camp polo shirt from 2005, or a football autographed by Deltha O'Neil, Reggie Myles, Kevin Kaesviharn, and Keiwan Ratliff.

Not every prize is outdated and pathetic, but the vast majority make the site resemble an online garage sale. I'm saving up my points my for the Spider Man 3 memo pad!

-Truckside Meats

Guest Post of the Week: Mike Brown is Communist

We here at WDR have adopted the communist theme to represent us fans as an oppressed proletariat revolting against a ruthless, bourgeois owner. But as this guest post points out, maybe MB is the real Communist.

Mike Brown is a Communist

 

Okay, just in case you weren't already convinced, here is some rock-solid evidence that Mikey is a treasonous commie…

-Communist regimes are usually ruled with an iron fist by a dictator-like leader who has a delusional view of his own abilities and refuses to listen to the sanity of others - Mike Brown - check. 

 

-Communist leaders often employ their family and cronies regardless of ability to do the job -   Pete, Katie, Troy, Bill, Duke, Lippi - check. 

 

WDR Guest Post: A Letter of Thanks to Mike Brown!

Dear Mike Brown,

Thanksgiving is a Holiday that makes us all realize what we should be thankful for. I just wanted to write you, because as a dedicated Bengals fan, there are so many things I would like to thank you for this season.

1. I would like to thank you for freeing up my Sunday afternoons so that I can do chores around the house for my wife. I never thought there would be a Sunday where I look more forward to doing home improvements than watching the Cincinnati Bengals. But like expected your inept management never ceases to amaze me. So thank you for giving me more free time on Sundays. I would say my Mondays are freed up too because our chance of getting another MONDAY NIGHT GAME IS PROBABLY 15 YEARS AWAY!

2. I would like to thank you for showing me that greatness in a particular field is not genetic. No matter how hard I try to be my father the more I will fail. I love my father but I am a unique person with specific skills and gifts that vary greatly from my father’s gifts. Your father was an icon to the sport of football. He revolutionized the game with new schemes, ideas, and team management techniques. Times have changed and they call for the Bengals to evolve. You are stuck in the past and football management is not in your skill set. You are an attorney by trade and probably a very good one but that does not mean you can run an NFL organization, even if you are the son of Paul Brown. You only have to look at one of your past coaches (Dave Shula) to realize that SUCCESS IS NOT GENETIC!

WDR Guest Post: This is What Not Trying Looks Like

Here's C. Trent's transcription of Marvin's explanation for his decision to kick a field goal in the 4th quarter, facing a 4th-and- goal from the Steelers eight and trailing by 13 points:

"I thought it would be difficult to score the touchdown there, so Itook the points with the ability to kick the football off and we had an opportunity for a play there that didn’t materialize itself within
the kickoff and then have the chance to stop them and get the ball back," Lewis said. "But obviously we ended up having to kick the football deep (on the kickoff) as we did and at that point we never stopped them, they go down score a touchdown and basically the ball game is over."

Let's unpack that quote from Marvin.  Near as I can tell, he looked at the percentages and saw two scenarios:

SCENARIO A:

• Kick FG (20-10)
• Force a "play that didn't materialize itself within the kickoff", i.e., a fumble or other turnover.  Alternatively take advantage of "chance to stop them and get the ball back."
• Drive back down the field and score (20-13 or 20-17)
• Kickoff, force a 3-and-out
• Score again

SCENARIO B:

• Go for it on 4th down and either (a) lose or (b) find yourself down 20-14 with 6 minutes left.
• Kick long and stop Pittsburgh.
• Watch Ernster shank another punt.
• Score again to win game.

Granted that Pittsburgh scored on the ensuing possession so it's a moot point.  But the mental gymnastics in the above quote are just incredible.  Down 13 points with 6 minutes left in a tough road game, against a team that's absolutely owned the Bengals, Lewis figured he had a better chance to stop Pittsburgh--a fantastic running team-- twice in six minutes rather than make a 4th and 8 play and stop them once.  I really can't imagine how he--or any football coach--came to that conclusion, especially given the momentum that would inevitably shift to a team that scored on a big play.

WDR Guest Post: The Revolution In Florida

Dear Comrades:

I must start by thanking you for commencing this necessary and just movement. I have been a frustrated Bengals fan my entire life of 28 years. I remember the Superbowl party my parents hosted for the storied though tragic '88 season when I was in second grade, and the playoff run that ended in Los Angeles when I was in fourth grade. Those were the good days. After that, my relationship with the NFL has been nothing short of tragic and unrewarding. Then came 2005 – I was in law school in Miami, Florida, as a displaced fan, and Carson and Co. came into their own. I spent thousands of dollars in the bars on Sunday drinking and celebrating, I made a road trip with a fellow fan to the Jacksonville Sunday night game and even made an appearance on television due to my ridiculous orange wig and Bengals garb. I spent thousands of dollars on playoff tickets and I missed my first day of class the following day. All for naught.

After that fateful playoff game, my hatred for Pittsburgh nearly transcended my love for the Bengals, to the point where an altercation would inevitably ensue if I saw someone with a Pittsburgh jersey. My zeal for rooting against the Steelers equaled my zeal for rooting for the Bengals – but there was no joy in this scheme in the seasons which followed. The Bengals, notwithstanding our high hopes, fell off the radar and degenerated, while the Steelers earned a Superbowl title and continued to be a playoff contender. They have owned us since. It simply isn't fair. When will it be our turn?

Guest Post of the Week: Bengals = Scientology

I have recently discovered the joy that is WDR. Props, thanks and kudos. You make my day a little bit brighter with every post, well almost every post, but I am not here to be critical. Anywho, there was something nagging at me for the past few days. I didn't know what it was, but there was some revelation on a subconscious level that your website had brought me, and it wasn't until recently I was able to bring it the cerebrum. And then like Himes Ward it hit me (hard and sneaky like). Holy Shit! The Bengals are Scientology!

We are little sad minions with little self worth that were suckered in with promises of football, playoffs and championships, like in the good ole days. 2005? Yeah that was level OTIII. We thought it would be better (so little bits of aliens are inhabiting us- obviously there must be more.. This can't be the end.. Its too ridiculous to be the end), so we keep paying for the classes. In droves we head to PBS shouting "AUDIT US!!" Marvin jumps around on couches talking about almost wins, and we buy into it. Like David Miscavige is getting rich running scientology and laughing at all the idiots dumb enough to buy into it,  Mike Brown is the only person running the organization and makes all decisions. Oh yeah, and getting filthy fucking rich doing it- with my money and LAUGHING AT ME. This is so not ok. 

Thank You WDR for the deprogramming!!! It took several days in a cabin in the woods with nothing but a laptop and an internet connection and your website, but I am officially part of the Revolution!

-Katarina Traverse

Guest Post of the Week

Just to give you an idea how pathetic things have gotten here your blog is the first time this week I have heard/seen it mentioned that it’s Steelers week, and it’s Friday! In a way I guess it makes sense as PBS will be impersonating Heinz Field West come Sunday.

Our only hope is 0-16 w/ the season ending w/ KC coming in here and kicking ass week 17. Sadly if Carson does get shutdown for the season Mikey will blame his injury for a disappointing season.

For perspective the last home game (non preseason or strike) I missed was 11/84 against the Falcons. At this point the KC game may end up being my last ever, depends if my 16 yr old wants another season of great tailgating followed by a lesson in not how to run a NFL team.

Keep up the revolution; at some point something has to change, hopefully while I’m still alive.

-Robert from Milford