Hob seems to have come into training camp this year already in midseason form. Behold...
CANTON, Ohio - After Sunday night’s 16-7 loss to the Cowboys in the Hall of Fame Game, Batman (Terrell Owens) and Robin (Chad Ochocinco) stood at their lockers and began assigning other players to roles in the 1960s hit series they hope to revive in time for the NFL’s regular season.
Alfred the butler is quarterback Carson Palmer.
Correction. Carson Palmer is Batman. Chad is still Robin. And TO is one of Batman's gadgets that Mike Brown picked up from the discount bin at Radio Shack.
Sunday’s mystery was if the real villain was the pass protection in an uninspiring offensive effort that netted just 136 of 179 yards through the air, particularly when Palmer mustered just a first down in of each of his two series, both on passes to Owens just 12 days after he joined the offense. But he was sacked once, had one ball tipped, and got hit as he threw another incompletion.
Yes Hob. Quite the mystery. I don't know if anyone will be able to crack the case of the why the offense looked horrible. Oh yeah, the Joker is played by Bob Bratkowski and Dennis Roland is his trusty switchblade, if that's any clue.
A relaxed Owens held court forever in the jammed locker room of Canton’s McKinley High School team while The Ocho left his adjoining locker and met the media elsewhere. It didn’t take Palmer long to start the Owens era, hitting him on a sideline pattern on the left for seven yards and a first down on the second snap. On the next series he hit him for 11 more on the other side as he easily worked against man-to-man coverage. Palmer connected with Owens again over the middle for a short gain, but The Ocho had moved early to wipe it out.
“Excited; anxious,” said The Ocho, looking at another fine for some yellow shoes that didn’t find the yellow brick road.
What in the blue fuck? Okay, the first paragraph needs juuust a smidge of editing. As for the Ocho quote and accompanying description of his shoes. That is some crazy pills mixed metaphor shit right there. Whoah. Again, just to let it sink in. "Looking at another fine for some yellow shoes that didn't find the yellow brick road." Crazy sexxy beautiful is how one awestruck teacher described a young Hob's prose way back when.
The backup passing game and protection was not good. Backup quarterback J.T. O’Sullivan completed four of 11 passes for 33 yards. No. 3 Jordan Palmer played the entire second half and his two interceptions led to 10 points, one out of his own zone that turned into linebacker Brandon Sharpe’s six-yard touchdown return that made it 16-0 with 9:23 left.
Straight talk from a straight shooter right there. As Sleeping W/ Bieniemy already said yesterday, the Bengals are fucked if Palmer goes down. Like might as well forfeit the rest of the season fucked. I say Matt Jones and Brian Leonard should be penciled in as the backups and then let mad creative genius Bratkowski unleash the hounds if/when the O-Line lets someone obliterate Carson.