WhoDeyRevolution

Katie Blackburn Knows How to Copy + Paste (Sort of)

So yesterday we posted an email response from Katie Blackburn, that commenters jumped on immediatly as a canned response that they had also received. So below are two more examples of emails Katie has recently sent back to fans.  You will see many of the exact same sentences, but each email does seem to be customized.  My personal favorite is her response to "Will" where she clearly just changed the name, but forgot to re-format the font and size.

UPDATE: One more email has come in from an intrepid Comrade.  Posted at the bottom, and almost identical to these other two emails.

Depressing but Not Suprising Email from Katie Blackburn

A depressing but not suprising email sent to a WDR Comrade from Bengals executive and assumed Mike Brown successor Katie Blackburn is printed below.  This reader seems to send frequent emails to the team, and this one - sent after Marvin agreed to stay in what has been confirmed as the worst press conference ever - got under Katie's skin. 

You would think that Katie could just hit the "report spam" button if she was offended by the emails, as I doubt the life lesson tidbits she sent to a frustrated Bengals fan are going to have much impact.  But what is more depressing is her flawed logic and skewed statistics.  Let's take them line by line:

There is reason to believe that next season will be a good one.

Always with the next year will be better.  The Bengals seem to always win games when they mean the least (when they are already eliminated from the playoffs), and this year was no different.  Then the team can fill us with false hope because there is always next year!

We had 395 yds and 371 yds of offense in our last two games against top 10 defenses and teams that were playing to win.

And the team went 1-1! All hail Bratkowski!  Because statistically speaking, 1-1 is like, almost a winning record!  Gosh, I wish "yards of offense in the last two games against top 10 defenses and teams that were playing to win" was what got you into the playoffs instead of, you know, scoring more points than your opponents, also sometimes called "winning."

Next year's schedule is not as difficult as this year's where our opponents had the highest winning percentage of any team in the NFL.

Yes, it is true that the Bengals' opponents had the highest winning percentage of any team in the NFL. Guess why that might be true?  12 of their wins came against the Bengals!  Guess what Katie - the Bengals don't play in the NFC West.  You have to play four times against the Ravens and Steelers, and it is probably not a good long term strategy to hope your opponents are somehow worse than you to actually win some games.  I don't think the Pats, Steelers, Falcons, etc are banking on a favorable strength of schedule to get some wins.

The great thing about football is that for the next season you do get to start over and we will start over with a good attitude and high hopes and expectations.

Again with the next year.  What is most depressing about this email is how much it sounds just like her dad.  Cherrypicking flawed stats, banking on false hope - will things ever change in Cincinnati?

UPDATE:  from the comments, it appears perhaps this is a canned response sent to anyone inquiring as to what the Bengals plan to do to right the ship.  Please forward said canned response to whodeyrevolution-at-gmail-dot-com for confirmation if you received one.  REGARDLESS, wow what a horrid response, canned or otherwise, to send.  Grammatically sloppy, poorly argued, annoyingly preachy...just an abomination from top to bottom.  Seriously, you have the future head of the organization officially admitting the Bengals strategy for improvement is to rely on an easier schedule.  Something affected by only two games each year.  Wow.

Smith in the Fold; Katie Dominates Alvin Keels

Andre Smith has finally signed and is in Cincinnati.  As reported by intrepid Bengals reporter Joe Reedy: "It is a four-year deal worth $26 million with $21 million guaranteed. The Bengals have an option after the 2010 season that would push the deal $42 million over six years with the maximum worth $50 million."

An early examination of the contract makes this blogger feel that Katie Blackburn absolutely dominated Alvin Keels, Andre Smith's agent.  Bottom line: this contract puts the pressure on Smith to preform.  This contract seems to be incentive-laden, with the big money only coming in if Smith hits these now unknown incentives and if the Bengals pick up the option in 2010.  That doesn't give Smith much time to prove himself.  If he doesn't hit these incentives or get the option picked up, the deal that Keels worked out for Smith is far worse than it seems. 

Here is a great chart of how all the first round picks contracts have shaken out.

The Option of Collins

Hey, did you know that Andre Smith remains a hold-out? (Alvin Keels wants to use this silly new-age thing called the "slotting system." What?)

Last week I made an argument that the offense's success in '09 depends primarily on the line's progression, and Bob Bratkowski's ability to adjust to it. One would assume the presence of Smith would be vital going by this logic; some, however, don't. The reason? Anthony Collins.

Mike Brown to Alvin Keels: I Got Your Slotted System Hangin'

You've probably seen the news by now that 49ers 1st rounder Michael Crabtree has threatened to sit out the season and reenter the 2010 draft if the team doesn't acquiesce to his contract demands.  At this rate, Andre Smith won't need to make the threat, it will happen organically.

From Joe Reedy:

According to parties familiar with the negotiations, the Bengals have offered of $33 million. That's $5.25 million less than what the seventh pick, Darrius Heyward-Bey, signed for with Oakland.

That contract is complicating negotiations between the Bengals and Smith, who was selected sixth.

Heyward-Bey’s deal has a base of $38.25 million, with $23.5 million guranteed. That contract is an increase of over 20 percent from what last year’s seventh overall pick made.

Vernon Gohlston, last year’s sixth overall pick, signed for $40 million.

It goes on...

Smith's camp is looking for something slightly higher than Heyward-Bey's deal. The sides had not talked since Monday as of this morning. (Emphasis mine)

This, my good friends, is almost unthinkable.  The NFL has a terrible, awful, flat-out dumb system for signing draft picks.  Nonetheless, it is the system.  Each pick gets a contract that falls somewhere in between the guy picked ahead of him and the guy picked behind him.  Sometimes, it comes closer to the person picked in front of him.  In some situations (like this one), it should come closer to the guy picked behind him, considering that fifth pick Mark Sanchez is a quarterback.  But always, the advertised total value of the package is in between the range given.

(Note:  there are times when someone gets an better contract than the person picked in front of him.  This is a rarity and is generally because of front office stupidity.  See Darrelle Revis's contract from 2007.  Even in this case, the advertised, base package fell into the proper range.) 

Why Bengals management feels that Andre Smith signs a contract less than that of the guy picked behind him is beyond me.  Maybe it's because Smith's agent, Alvin Keels, is handling his first 1st round pick.  If he agrees to a deal less than Heyward-Bey's, it will also be his last 1st round pick.

Also worth mentioning is that the two sides hadn't talked since Monday morning.  Not as if this is worth wasting time on though, right Mikey?  There has to be plenty of Denny's in the Georgetown/Lexington area to check out!  Plus, it's not as if Andre is known as lazy and slightly unstable, I'm sure he's working hard down there in Alabama to make sure he's in camp shape!  He'll be ready from snap one!

The only real question left - Will HBO still be around to film the scene where Andre signs and then rushes out to practice?