WhoDeyRevolution

Mike Brown Enters His Golden Era

Mike Brown has been waiting for this day his whole life. He has saved and screwed and saved for his shining moment. Tomorrow, with the blessing and financial underpinnings of the Clermont County Bureau of Commerce, Brown will be the proud landlord of a 12 store commercial zone on Route 32.

    "It's been a long journey, but someday somehow I knew I could get here." Brown said between raindrop sized tears of joy. "The Bengals Organization was only a stepping stone towards my ultimate goal of running a strip mall anchored with a Denny's and a Men's Wearhouse."

    As of now, the Bengal's franchise has been put in a storage facility near the Lion's Den Porn Outlet off of 71.

    With his family alongside him, Brown will get to cut a big ribbon in half with a big pair of scissors. Coincidentally, the same pair of oversized scissors he has team doctors use when exploring hurt Bengals for their "owwie spot."

"I will leave no stone unturned to make sure that this cropping of land will be competitive in bringing in commuter traffic." Brown said, "Just this morning I met with a potential company. They technically are insolvent but I see a lot of promise and I think with my help they can turn it around at the Browntown Plaza."

Bill Cowher's Racist Chin: Field Report

WDR reporter Mike Woelyoshoen is on the beat in Tampa and caught up with Bill Cowher's Racist Psychotic Chin at a Hooters near the stadium. In between signing autographs by smudging the lowermost tip of his "body" in hot sauce and then smearing it on the terrible towels that Steelers fans apparently and inexplicably carry around all the time, not just on gameday, the Chin answered some questions for us. Here is the transcript.

Mike W: Let's start off with the easy ones. Who's your pick for the big game?

The Chin: The Cardinals, because their coaching staff will be focused on the game and not P Diddy's after party.

Mike W: Is that a veiled reference to Mike Tomlin being black?

The Chin: Are you a veiled reference to being an idiot? I'm not in a funeral procession you namby pamby journalpuss. It was a statement of fact.

Mike W: Moving along...what has been your favorite part of Super Bowl week so far?

The Chin: Well Whisenhunt and I had a few Red Dog's over at Whiskey Tango the other night before hooking some tail at this very Hooters. Girl had just won a wing eating contest and was ready to cleanse her pallet with the old Chin.

Mike W: That's a hell of a euphemism.

The Chin: A what? What are you talking about? We went and got sorbet after that.

Mike W: Oh. Sorry. I thought....something else.

The Chin: After I got that wing taste out of her mouth then I gave her the old one, two, now buckle my belt back up women.

Mike W: Well thanks for your time.  

Post Party Wrap-up

WDR's End of Season Party at Blackfinn is now over, and has been deemed a great success.  Many of our readers were able to come out and meet the writers, crush out dozens of Miller Lites, and vent their frustrations of Bengals management in general.  Blackfinn was more than generous with the never-ending supply of food and the freshest Miller Lite outside of Nick Lachey's kegerator.  We had several fellow comrades win free t-shirts in contests of strength and skill including a beer chug, push-up race, and a break dance competition. 

Not only was the atmosphere fun, but was inspiring as well. I myself met a diehard Bengals fan who has not missed a home game since 1984, and who in fact made it to Riverfront Stadium in time for kickoff on the day of his son's birth. What we would like to highlight here is that a man who has not missed a game in 24 years, decided to join the comrades at Blackfinn in lieu of giving Mike Brown any more of his hard earned dollars.  This shows that the revolution is taking hold firmly in the foundation of Mike Brown's empire... within the roots of his unconditional support base.  The most hard core fans are not going to put up with his BS anymore. 

WDR has pointed this out before, but I will reiterate that big changes are coming to the Bengals, in one form or another.  One type of change we can expect to see is on the Bengals' income statement.  In a recession, small businesses and the independently wealthy are not going to sink their dollars into a crappy team. They will take their money elsewhere, like the Bearcats.  This could mean millions in lost business for Mike Brown.  Mike's other option is to bring in outside help in the form of a GM, relinquish control, and to win football games at all costs.  

Sorry to get deep on you there... But the point is that the post season is upon us and we all look forward to watching the Bengals off-season decisions.  Stay tuned to WDR for your Bengals news, raw and uncut. 

Reminder - WDR Party this Sunday at Blackfinn

Friends don't let friends give Mike Brown $7 for a beer (or $70 for 10 beers.) For this reason, your friends at WDR have teamed up with Blackfinn to bring you our End of the Season Party this Sunday, December 28th from 12pm-5pm, during the final game of the Bengals season.  Roughly 0% of the proceeds will go to Mike Brown. 

There will be no cover for all the heroes who donated their tickets to the Chiefs game to Lighthouse Youth Services. For everyone else, we are asking for a $5 donation that will go towards future WDR Project Mayhem Tasks. BlackFinn will be offering $1 Miller Lite pints, $4 pitchers and FREE food throughout the game. We will also be giving away free WDR t-shirts at the end of each quarter (but you might have to do a push-up or two to win them.)

Long story short, if you were planning on going to the game, you should come here instead.  The ticket is already a sunk cost.  If you were planning on tailgating but had no plans for gametime, make your way up to Blackfinn. If you were planning on having a get together in your mancave, bring it on down to Blackfinn and raise your glass to the Revolution.

So we hope to see all our fellow WhoDeyRevolutionaries at BlackFinn this Sunday for some cheap beer, free food and revolutionary discussions.  And if this post was not enough to get you to Blackfinn on Sunday, hopefully this will.

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Mike Brown's Real Team

Upon reading recently about Mike Brown's battle in Ohio Courts over season ticket contracts, I realized why it must be hard to pay for scouts and front office personnel. He's running two teams. The Bengals and a full squad of lawyers.

If Marvin and Bratkowski could take a page out of Brown's lawyers playbook on clock management, they might be able to score at the end of the half and the game. Actually, who am I kidding, the Bengals would have to string together positive yardage to score, and that is not in Brat's playbook.

But it's a good example of how Mikey's two teams are run. The Bengals suck top to bottom because Brown knows it doesn't really matter as long as his top dollar lawyer team can win on the judicial circuit.  That's why he pours oldsmobile's full of cash in to his legal team instead of his football team.

So really Mikey knows what an efficient operation looks like, it's just that implementing that sort of commitment to execution for the Bengals would horn in on his daily McRib allowance. Who can blame him though, chubby people are drawn to them like a moth to the flame.