WhoDeyRevolution

New WDR T-Shirts Just In Time For Free Agency Failure!

Continue to show your support for the revolution through the medium of t-shirts.  This is our newest product hot off the presses just in time to show your support (and absolute displeasure) to Mike Brown and the Bengals!  Show all of your friends that YOUR TEAM, yes YOUR CINCINNATI BENGALS, has the worst owner in any professional sport!

After a strong push by some of our comrades, the new shirts are branded with the following quotes on the back:

"I am afraid you are stuck with me as the team's chief executive." - Mike Brown

"At least we agree on one thing: that's our fear as well." - WDR

Buy your new WDR gear here.  Viva.

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Equation for the Status Quo

Despite my post two days ago, for some reason, my douche bag side has an unfounded shred of hope tomorrow.  While this free agent crop is being labeled as weak, there are some decent free agents out there that could fill a need before the draft.  Let's put it this way...among other things, the Bengals could obviously use help at Center and Offensive Tackle.  The Linebackers could use an upgrade too.  The same goes with DT but there just aren't a whole lot of them out there this year other than Haynesworth who will be signing a ridiculous contract with Not Us.  Anyway, given our needs at Center, Tackle and LB, why wouldn't we aggressively go after Centers Jason Brown (Baltimore), Jeff Saturday (Indianapolis) and Matt Birk (Minnesota), or Tackles Khalif Barnes (Jacksonville), Jon Runyan (Philly) or John Stinchcomb (New Orleans)?  Given the plethora of free agent Linebackers out there (Ray Lewis, Bart Scott, Jonathan Vilma, Michael Boley, Mike Peterson), why not try to land one?

Signing a player at one or more of these positions fills a need before the draft, eliminates a need to draft the position and allows us to focus on other positions in the draft.  When one could craft an argument that we need help at every position aside from QB, maybe Guard and maybe Corner, obviously, this would be the wisest move for the Bengals, which of course doesn't mean anything.  When I read the names listed above, there is a distant cry from my d-bag side.  Like a huge douche, I will likely check ProFootballTalk multiple times tomorrow on the very slim, outside chance the Bengals are mentioned in connection with the above names.  Last year this gave me the luxury of following the Shaun Rogers "trade" in real time, followed by me punching myself in the face later that night upon receiving a text message from a friend that said "We didn't get Rogers because we are stupid."

Bengals do it again! Snatching stupidity from obvious intelligence!

The signs that you are a probably Bengals fan are similar to the signs that it is probably time for a new job (a la CareerBuilder)...

CareerBuilder's signs 
1) If you hate going to work every day
2) You're co-workers don't respect you
3) You always wish you were somewhere else
4) You cry constantly
5) You daydream of punching small animals
6) You sit next to "this guy" (annoying laugh, in a speedo, picking his toes, and you wish he were dead)
 
Bengals fan signs
1) If you hate hearing the latest Bengals news every day (because it'll just piss you off)
2) You're team's owners don't respect you
3) You always wish the Bengals did something intelligent
4) You cry constantly
5) You daydream of punching small animals
6) You sit near "this guy" (30-year-old suit, moron, doesn't give interviews, and you wish he were dead)

The Bengals have decided to use their franchise tag on kicker (who can't reach the endzone on kickoffs or hit a field goal over 50 yards) Shayne Graham.

The Unholiest Of Alliances

It's Sunday Night, a couple hours after the Bengals improved their 2008 defeated streak to 7. Mike Brown is reclining in his favorite chair, the LA-Z-BOY ZX9000. He loves it so much because he got it for a reduced price at the store when he found a scuff on one of the arms and had it appraised by one of the bengals lawyers, who promptly told Target that they would slap a lawsuit on their company before they even left the store if they didn't sell it to Mikey for 20% of the sticker price.

Mikey, in his heart of hearts, had a good day. Although the team he comandeered out of Marvin Lewis' grasp is god-awful and currently free-falling off a very high cliff, he is happy and content. And it isn't because the Bengals are doing bad. He does experience brief pangs of guilt over the malaise that is settling over Cincinnati due to his handling of the most important entity in the city. But those pangs quickly pass when he thinks about his bank statement or the coupon he clipped earlier for the free 8 ounces of flank steak he'll receive with a purchase of Gold's Own Garbanzo Beans.

Baghdad Hob

Henceforth on WDR, Bengals.com writer Geoff Hobson will be known as Baghdad Hob.  His disinformation efforts and general attempts at bending facts are reminiscent of everyone's favorite Iraqi Information Mister, Baghdad Bob.  Remember him?  He was the guy who claimed American soldiers were no where near Baghdad when they were right behind him during the original invasion in 2003.  I liked him.

What Baghdad Bob did was keep the Proletariat in the dark.  Where foolish Iraqis thought he'd be objective, foolish Bengal fans feel the same way about Baghdad Hob.  Neither of them realize that the job of both is to distort the facts and spin, spin, spin.  In the past, when the Bengals didn't make my eyes bleed, Hobson's efforts didn't show.  Now, he is putting lipstick on a pitbull, or something.  Hence, Baghdad Hob.  Because it rhymes, you see.

Baghdad Hob's latest effort, which talks about an offense that I cannot even describe as inept for fear of offending the word "inept," somehow praises Officer Barbrady Bob Bratkowski.  It's so offensive, I feel like I need to break it down FJM style.  Continue on after the jump to watch me take on Baghdad Hob.

Who Douches Invade Big D

Comrades Buck, Who Dey NYC and yours truly, Brosef Stalin, Leader of the Broleteriat, headed down to Dallas for the Bengals inevitable loss to the Cowboys last Sunday.  WDR put out a call for all other D-Bags heading down to the game to tailgate, and the response was overwhelming.  About an hour and a half before the game, the Bengals tailgate was 75 D-Bags strong.

My favorite moments include: the huge "shotgun a beer and do 10 pushups contest,"  the 3 guys dressed like "Braveheart Bengals" (it still makes no sense) who would chase down every Cowboys fan who walked through our tailgate, Mr. Gene "Geno" Higgins' homemade wings (best I have ever had) and the whole Higgins clan for driving to the game and bringing their Cornhole set and the guy who converted his jeans to jorts.

A few pictures after the jump, and if you have any shots from the Dallas game or from the upcoming game in New York, make sure to send them to us at whodeyrevolution@gmail.com.

UPDATE: A video of a HUGE Bengals D-Bag turning his jeans into jorts at the tailgate has made its way to YouTube.

Calling All D-Bags - Bengals Tailgate in Dallas

WDR writers Jason Buck, Who Dey NYC and myself will be headed to Dallas this weekend to watch the Cowboys unload on the Bengals.  We have purchased a parking pass in the Blue Lot and intend to get a tailgate started so all the Bengals D-Bags at the game can drink some cold beers with other D-Bags.

If you are interested in joining, email us at whodeyrevolution@gmail.com and we will tell you the super secret location.