WhoDeyRevolution

Dhani Continues To Be Quite The Renaissance Man

So I watched the surprisingly entertaining Dhani Tackles The Globe last night. I missed the first insallment so this was my first foray into the mind of our most intriguing Bengal. Anyway, the episode had him in Switzerland training for some sort of swiss sumo wrestling competition as well as wandering around ingratiating himself with the reclusive country.

Am I the only one that doesn't understand how if he is under contract with the Bengals he can also be doing dangerous things with his body like wrestling and kickboxing and playing rugby? Is he just taking the chance that Mikey Boy hasn't bought into the whole cable TV fad and won't be able to watch the show? To be clear, I am not bitching about Dhani doing some extracurriculars in the offseason. I think it's pretty badass actually. But with all of these reports of athletes getting hurt playing hoops in the offseason, or in the case of hoopster Monta Ellis getting hurt riding a motorscooter, how is Dhani allowed to do this? There has to be a clause in his contract about it being voidable if he gets his collarbone broken on the show. Also, with how much of a joke certain other Bengals treat the offseason, i.e. Levi living underneath a Blizzard machine at a local DQ and Shayne Graham wearing sequined jeans and displaying his once-in-a-generation leadership skills in Mt. Adams, it's nice to know that at least Dhani is doing something active.

With all that aside, Dhani is definitely the coolest Michigan alum I know (He's also the only one I will acknowledge knowing). He has his own tie collection, can carry a cable show, may still ride his bike to work every day, and most awesomely, was arrested in Miami for serving some cop. Basically he's everything Chad could be if he had a working brain. Okay, that's a little harsh. But you get my point.

Honorary WDR Member: Peter King

Last week, Mike Brown took time out of his busy soul-sucking schedule to speak with Mark Curnutte of the Enquirer and our very own Baghdad Hob (Geoff Hobson) of Bengals.com.  In that interview, he addressed the billboards erected by WDR to demand for a General Manager.  The Redeemer said that he doesn't want to pillory himself and hitchhike out to Fairfax to check out our art.  Fair enough Mike, but I can think of a few people who would like to take the pillory option on themselves right now so they won't be subject to the final three games of the season.

Well folks, Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback has heard our cry.  The former Cincinnati Enquirer sports writer Peter King has given us a mention as one of his five "Quotes of the Week"

Here's a link to the article...and below is the text:

Quote of the Week V

"I've heard about the billboards. I don't rush out to pillory myself and look at them.''

-- Bengals owner, president and GM Mike Brown, on the four billboards put up around Cincinnati by a protesting group of fans called whodeyrevolution.com. The group is asking for donations of $18, or $1 for every year of Brown's stewardship of the team, and says on its website: "Einstein's famous quote, 'Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again ad expecting different results,'' should be framed and put above the door to Mike Brown's office.''

God bless you Peter King.  You are a comrade in arms here at Who Dey Revolution.

You. I Want You.

Himes Ward has been warned by a number of people around the NFL to watch his back. And he has taken those threats in stride. But never has he been threatened by something that could seperate his taint tickler of a head from the rest of his body.

TJ's death braid has guaranteed to remove Himes from this world in most beautiful fashion.

"If I get within 10 yards of him Thursday night it's going to be lights out," The Death Braid said while lifting a couple 10 pound barbells and lightly smoking on a black and mild. "That happy go lucky fool is going to find that the end of the rainbow is a dark lonely place."

Anything Is Better Than Coaching Mikey's Team

Congratulations go out to Sam Wyche. The son Paul Brown wished he had conceived. Wyche is now a member of Pickens County Council in South Carolina as a Republican. 

Scary Thought

As bad as our franchise is, there is one unimaginable thing looming in Cincinnati's future. A thing so vile, heartwrenching and unfathomable that even I am loathe to bring it up for fear that the west side will burn to cinders in its wake. And it is only but a scant thirteen games and a couple months after that away...

Bengal Hero: Steve Tovar

Without a doubt my favorite Bengal of all-time is Steve Tovar.  I am the proud owner of an authentic #58 Tovar jersey that I still wear every Sunday (I just never felt comfortable in the #11 Akili Smith jersey).   Tovar was an inside linebacker in Larry Peccatiello’s 3-4 defense and was the best thing the mid 1990’s Bengals defenses had going for it (I’m sure some of you out there are shocked I didn’t think the tag team combo of John Copeland and Big Daddy was the best thing those defenses had going for it). 

Tovar was known for his ferocious hits and years later one hit from Tovar’s playing days still stands out. At Candlestick Park in San Francisco, Tovar pursued Steve Young. They met outside of the pocket, man-to-man.  “It’s hard to imagine, but in that split-second, all your fundamentals kick in,” Tovar said. “I remember my coaching telling me, ‘See what you hit, run through it, and keep your eyes open.’  “He was faking, and I hit him right on his chin. As I was looking at him, I could see his eyes roll back. I heard the crowd go ‘Oooh!’ When they carted him off, I thought, ‘Man, that must’ve been a pretty good hit.’”  It was plays like this that endeared Tovar to the Bengals faithful or more specifically me since this game wasn’t at Riverfront and therefore wasn’t blacked out.

Bengal Heroes - Ickey Woods

Number 7 on NFL.com's list of "One Shot Wonders" is none other than Elbert L. "Ickey" Woods.  Of course, Woods, who played fullback in the same backfield as James Brooks, had a brilliant rookie season in 1988 rushing for 1,066 yards and scoring 15 touchdowns all of which were followed by the infamous "Ickey Suffle" (which until now, was relatively un-findable on the Internet...at least I couldn't find it despite multiple periodic searches over the years, which is a contributing reason for this post).

The next season, Ickey tore his ACL against Pittsburgh, which seemed to begin a curse that captured the ACL of another in the 2005 playoffs against the same team (in addition to Kijana Carter...and Kenny Irons...I have to stop now or I will cry).  Woods mounted a brief comeback attempt in 1991 but he wasn't the same.  He has not played in the NFL since and was out of the league at the age of 26.  According to his Wikipedia profile, since then, Woods has sold steaks door to door, made appearances as a boxer on television and is currently the football coach of the Cincinnati Sizzle, a women's football team. 

But today and always, we remember Ickey Woods, for his contributions in the 1988-89 season.  We can only hope someone will surprise us as much as the rookie out of UNLV did that year.  Here's to you Ickey.

Bengal Hero: Harold Green

Part three of Bengal Heroes takes us back to near the beginning of the disastrous Mike Brown era when everything started to go wrong in Bengladom. The year was 1992, Dave Shula was coaching the Bengals to a 5-11 record, Anthony Munoz would play his last NFL game, and Boomer (he played terrible with a 57.0 QB rating that was the worst of his career) was replaced as the starting quarterback by David Klingler (the rookie showed just how bright his future would be sporting a 66.3 QB Rating). Amidst all the doom and gloom the Bengals lone ray of sunshine that year was running back, Harold Green. 

Bengal Hero: Tremain Mack

Chris Henry, Odell, Frostee Rucker, etc. are not the first character risks the Bengals have taken.  The Bengals have been taking huge character risks in the draft for quite some time now.  Obviously Mike Brown loves the draft value of a guy who’s slipped a round or four because of their giant red character flags.  Tremain Mack was the epitome of this.  Mike must have loved him some T-Mack because how else can a quote like this be explained.

Tremain's a very likable guy," said Mike Brown, Bengals owner/general manager. "But to read the media accounts a year ago, you would think he and John Dillinger were cellmates.  (What??? John Dillinger???  Who the hell is that???  Ohhhh, a famous bank robber from the Great Depression, what a hip reference for the end of the 20th century.  Now if Mike had said T-Mack would have been a great getaway driver then I would have loved it)

Tremain Mack was drafted out of the U by the Bengals in the 4th round of the 1997 NFL draft (Another paragon of morals values Corey Dillon was also taken by the Bengals in this draft). This Hurricane was rated as a first round talent at the time but somehow T-Mack slipped to the 111th pick of the draft.  While the rest of the NFL seemingly took him off their draft boards the Bengals apparently saw a talent that just couldn’t be ignored. Now you might be wondering why the rest of the NFL didn’t want to draft T-Mack.  After all he was 1st team All Big East and a special teams dynamo at Miami. Well I’m going to go out on a limb and say the answer probably had something to do with T-Mack’s SIX alcoholic related arrests in his 4 years as a Hurricane and that even BUTCH DAVIS suspended him because of a DUI.  Now in all fairness to the Bengals they apparently claimed they didn’t know the severity of T-Mack’s problems.  I guess the Bengals three scouts not related to the Brown family missed that little nugget. 

But just for now I’m going to ignore all the Bengals idiocy and mismanagement because quite simply T-Mack was the best Bengals kick returner of my lifetime. His best season was 1999 when T-Mack led the AFC in kick returning average and set a Bengal club-record averaging 27.1 yards per return.  This season was made even more amazing because T-Mack didn’t play in the first four games of the season after shockingly being suspended by Commissioner Tagliabue after another DUI arrest.  T-Mack’s off-season conditioning program consisted of spending his summer locked up in the Hamilton County Jail (Jamal Lewis has nothing on T-Mack).  So when he came out for the 5th game of the 1999 season he came out blazing.  Personally I loved Tremain Mack because on every kick off (and there were lots of kicks to return in 1999 as the Bengals started 1-10 on their way to another 4-12 season while they closed Riverfront Stadium in style) I imagined special teams coach Al Roberts telling him to just pretend like he was running from the law.  It must have worked because T-Mack ran so well from the law in 1999 that he was chosen as the AFC’s kick returner in the Pro-Bowl. From county jail to Honolulu all in span of one season. Simply amazing!!!

Sadly as you may have heard T-Mack didn’t have a happy ending with the Bengals.  T-Mack could only run from the law for so long.  He continued to rack up DUI’s at a record pace including one that would have made Bob Huggins proud when the Cincinnati police arrested Mack after finding him sleeping behind the wheel of a car at 3:45 a.m. Surprisingly the cops got suspicious after Mack's vehicle had been parked in the middle of a Clifton intersection for at least an hour.  This Huggins style arrest came two years after WLWT-TV (Channel 5) caught Mack on tape driving to and from Paul Brown Stadium with a suspended license, from the two DUI charges he’d already picked up in Hamilton County. That was great piece of Cheaters style investigative journalism, but the Bengals front office was not pleased with the report referring to the report as a sting operation (more importantly where was channel 5 when we needed them to follow Chris Henry around? you know you would have watched it).  After some more jail time T-Mack was done with the NFL but on the Brightside seems to have cleaned up his life eventually suiting up for the Arena Football San Jose SaberCats. 

But I’ll always remember T-Mack as a bald headed demon who ran like the he heard police sirens blaring behind him.  For T-Mack was running from the law and into the hearts of Bengal fans everywhere. Tremain Mack a Bengal Hero.

T-Mack is the second in what hopes to be a long series of Bengal Hero profiles.  (If you missed part one you can read all about Jeff Query’s glorious 1993 season right here.) 

Join the revolution here

The Curse of David Fulcher

In college, my roommate and I rediscovered original Nintendo, the last remnant of our untainted youth, and more importantly Tecmo Super Bowl, the wondrously complex game of glory, defeat, the jumping high five and surging bomb deep in the face of pressure.

Everyone knows Bo Jackson dominated the Tecmo Super Bowl landscape the same way Richelieu laid waste to Europe a couple hundred years ago. But few people know David “Tiger Hawk” Fulcher could single-handedly shut down a running game while simultaneously covering 3 receivers 60 yards downfield.

Every time my roommate’s vaunted Raiders squared off against my crafty Bengals (the flea flicker is the backbone of the Bengal’s playbook), the house’s circuit breaker would blow out by halftime. There was just too much carnage on the field.

Over fifteen years ago, Fulcher roamed Riverfront like Blackbeard took to the seas. Then, in what we now realize is classic Mike Brown, Fulcher signed a deal with another team, taking his tenacity and ruthlessness with him. Since then, the Bengals have been plagued by the likes of Bo Orlando, Cory Hall and Dexter Jackson.

The curse of Fulcher? Wouldn’t count it out.

Since his departure for the Raiders, I can’t think of a single good defensive back besides Ashley Ambrose, who briefly resurrected his career so he could fleece New Orleans into one more payday.

Fulcher was quite possibly the best defensive Bengal in the team’s history. I know, you’re probably saying right now that Dan “Duddy” Wilkinson and Rod “Toast” Jones need to be considered, but outside of those two fabled defenders, no one else makes the cut. Fulcher, in his career, amassed three straight Pro Bowl appearances (It’s unverified, but that number is probably 2 more than anyone else in team defensive history), 31 interceptions, and 8.5 sacks. All while playing with only one leg. That’s right, he had a wooden peg leg, stemming from a freak pirating incident before he decided to play ball. You probably couldn’t notice it because of how shitty TV viewing was before HD, and we’re used to our safeties looking a leg slow anyways.

Attention Mike Brown: we need more one legged hard hitting defensive players out there. Dexter Jackson need not apply.