WhoDeyRevolution

Baghdad Hob's Spin Zone Is Making Me Dizzy

Check out this gem coming across the interwebs from Baghdad Hob over at Bengals.com.

The feel-good article describes PGA Tour golfer Steve Flesch (Union, KY) coming back to Cincinnati to help out Channel 12 Sports Director (and Bengals play-by-play voice) Brad "So-Handsome" Johansen with his charity golf event.  Mr. Hob also talks with Flesch about his love for the Reds and the Bengals...including:

"(Flesch) offering analysis from his seat about 10 rows below Johansen in Paul Brown Stadium after a touchdown for or against."

I think it's fair to say that the average person reading this quote would think that Flesch has season tickets with the Bengals, correct?

Well...

Brat-O-Sphere Contains 99.999% Noxious Gas, .0001% Good Playcalling

Hobbsy has a brief recap up of stuff to take away from the Bengals minicamp. Some of it is amusing to say the least. I don't have to tell you though, look at the subtitle on the next line.

Offense heads to next Brat-o-sphere

If the next Brat-o-sphere is anything like the first one we are in for some wonderfully awful playcalling this year.

Bengals offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski didn't offer much about his new playbook.

I'm skeptical of there being a new playbook. If I know anything about Mike Brown and the Bengals, to save money, Brat probably used the old playbook and changed some of it with a red pen. Or he just got back to the basics and is running a Tecmo Superbowl Offense. The Boomer Esiason Flea Flicker was an effective play back then and it is an effective play now.

He's been saying since February that this is the most his offense has changed since Dick LeBeau brought him here after the '00 season of 00 points.

So the Bengals not only didn't score a single point in '00, they scored double zero points. It's these sorts of things that keep me entranced with Hob. A hundred years from now the robots will be looking at our old records and come across Hob's writing. It will make them short circuit and their whole network of information will collapse. Maybe Hob is John Connor's father?

Yet details are scarce and even if they weren't head coach Marvin Lewis's totalitarian regime would be in crackdown mode.

So let me get this straight. Even if the details weren't scarce, meaning they were plentiful, Marvin Lewis would be in crackdown mode? How does that make a scrap of sense?

Collins key player of training camp?

The coaches wanted second-year tackle Anthony Collins to keep a low profile this spring and he did exactly that. He lost his job at left tackle when Andrew Whitworth moved from left guard to left tackle, and the right tackle job went to Smith. So now he's quietly backing up both, although Bratkowski did mention a few weeks ago Collins has looked good as he moves around the line.

Now especially keep an eye on him with all the scuttlebutt that the Bengals are digging in for a long holdout with Smith, the sixth pick in the draft. 

You hear that grinding sound? That's our running attack coming to a halt.

The club has certainly sent enough smoke signals to agent Alvin Keels that if he thinks they're going to get close to the $28.5 million guarantee of No. 5 Mark Sanchez and the more than 50 percent hike over last year's No. 5 slot, forget it.

As Henry Clay once said, "A great compromise is one where both sides come away dissatisfied." Obviously the Bengals should want to use any leverage they can to negotiate. But when you look at it, sooner or later both sides will have to come towards the middle to agree. Why can't it get done in a timely manner? Why do things have to drag out over days and weeks instead of hammering it down quickly?

Angst down on the corner

Last week defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer fretted that no one had stepped up this spring to be the third cornerback. On Saturday they went as far to work out veteran Travis Fisher during the final minicamp practice but chose not to sign him.

If Mike Zimmer is worried enough about the nickel slot to bring in Travis Fisher?? for a look see then I am also very worried about David "Physicality" Jones not being good enough.

Brian Leonard Dirty Shirt Night Just Around The Corner.

I have to admit, Baghdad Hob is really benefitting from a positive Carson and Chad and the charged currents of optimism running through the organization. His writing becomes a lot more sane when he isn't battling against a defeated season or indefensible mismanagement. But this Q and A he has with Jeremy D. from Portsmouth, OH I have to question.

Q: I imagine most Bengals fans don't know who Brian Leonard is, his past and how good he can make a powerful running back. We traded a DT who really hasn't seen the field for him. Why aren't we talking more and excited about having a strong HB/FB like Leonard who can do it all out of the backfield?
--Jeremy D., Portsmouth, OH

No one is going to deny that Brian Leonard is a gritty, smart player with a great motor. He's Brian Milne with a better pentium processor. No one's talking about him because he is not very important. I don't think John Clayton's waking up in the middle of the night because he can't figure out how the Bengals can best use Brian Leonard.

JEREMY: I think they know who Leonard is simply because he's a guy that went in the second round and because he backed up Steven Jackson in St. Louis, a back many believe should have been drafted here instead of Chris Perry at No. 24 in 2004.

I know who Brian Leonard is because he makes world famous smoothies for malnourished kids in the Sudan. Back to what Jeremy said in his question though, paraphrasing "No one knows how good he made Stephen Jackson." No one knows how good he made Stephen Jackson because he didn't make him good. S Jax probably wrecking ball'd his way out of the womb. Unless Brian Leonard untangled his umbilical cord for him, saving young Stephen from suffocating, he has no claim on his skills. He is not a Lorenzo Neal type of player.

I agree with you. This may end up being one of their most lopsided trades in history because Orien Harris probably wouldn't have made the team and Leonard, just by past production, looks to be the leading contender to back up Benson.

Not only could this be the most lopsided trade in team history, it could be the only trade the Bengals have made in the MB despaira (Despair plus Era/Baghdad Hob'd). Obviously the Bengals have made trades in the last two decades, but I don't remember them wheeling and dealing any time besides when the guy threatens to flip burgers instead of playing for the Bengals. You know what would be the most lopsided trade in team history if Mikey Boy had pulled the trigger? All of the Saints draft picks instead of AKili Smith.  

He's kind of a young Kenny Watson (who is 31) and can do a little bit of everything, although not with a 4.3 per pop that Watson did in '07. Still, he can block and catch, although they've said he won't be used as a fullback here.

Oh boy, where do I start? I'm going to rewrite this paragraph. "He's like a young Kenny Watson. Only he's not as good of a runner. He can block and catch, but blocking won't matter as much because he's not going to be the fullback. Basically he's a less good Kenny Watson that is slated to play in front of Kenny Watson because everyone hates Kenny Watson and his solid production every time he's gotten a chance to produce."

There may not have been a lot of buzz about Leonard because he was collecting dust earlier in the OTAs, but the coaches look to be using him more. The guess here is that Benson and Leonard, again going by past production, are going to be the top two backs heading into training camp and all the other backs are scrambling for the third and last spot.

Was he collecting dust because of how gritty a player he is? I can't wait to get my Brian Leonard dirty shirt to go with my Ryan Freel one.

The Latest Absurdity from Baghdad Hob

All of us love Baghdad Hob, I hope.  He's like the crazy uncle who swears we never went to the moon or says, "I don't care what they say, LeBron James will just never make it big."  It's just that this crazy uncle's job is to produce all of the content for the website of an NFL team.

Baghdad Hob's latest claim?  I'll let him tell you.  Take it away, Geoff! "Go with Carson on this one and take running back Cedric Benson as a breakout player. Also on offense, Andre Caldwell and Chris Henry are on the verge of becoming this decade's Ocho and Housh." (emphasis mine)

That's right, fair readers of WDR.  Someone who is paid to write about football for a living called fifth year pro Chris Henry and second year pro Andre Caldwell, and I quote, "...on the verge of becoming this decade's Ocho and Housh." (note - for the purposes of brevity, and because Carson said it, I'm going to ignore the "Cedric Benson as a breakout player" part)

First of all, what does that even mean?  I'm assuming, from both observation of their playing styles and previous B.H. articles, that Bubba Caldwell will be playing the role of Housh and Christopher will be in the Chad Johnson role.  While comparing stats from their respective rookie seasons might not mean much, Housh finished with 21 catches for 228 yards while Bubba finished with 11 catches for 78 yards.  That's really all the hard data we have to go on for now.  Could Caldwell eventually turn into the player Housh is/was?  I'm not going to say it's impossible.  I think it'd be fair to say that it's not likely, however.  Saying that he's "on the verge of becoming" anything close to the player Housh is/was is almost criminally incorrect.  Housh is a Pro Bowl caliber receiver and is one of the most productive wideouts in the league on third down.  Bubba Caldwell could be a very, very good receiver this year and in the future and he still might not become what Housh was.

Baghdad Hob, I Just Can't Quit You.

Q: I'm not sure about the Smith, Whit, Livings combo. I'm not concerned about the arguments I've read elsewhere (i.e. Walker), arguing that Smith should not be a RT because you don't waste a No. 6 pick on a RT and pay him $50M. We needed the best O-lineman available, no matter the position. Plus, once here, you play your best five-man group no matter who gets paid what. My problem is that I think AC (Collins) is better than Livings and the best combo would be RT=AC, LT=Smith, and LG=Whit. AC proved he can stand up to the best pass rushers and deserves playing time. Whit has proven he is very valuable at LG because he dominates the most dominant DTs. And it's those dominant DT's that push the pocket and lead to the sacks. So why aren't they playing their best five, which includes AC? Also, Lewis said Smith will be the RT as long as Whit is here, but what if Smith proves better, wouldn't they switch it then? After all, Smith was the No. 6 and Whit was the second-rounder, so Smith at least projects to be better than Whit. --Brad B., Atlanta, GA

Hey kids, are you ready for another journey into the kaleidoscope that is Baghdad Hobson's Choice? I'm not.

BRAD: They believe they are playing their two best tackles in Whitworth and Smith. If that's what you believe, how can you have anybody else playing outside? I can see that. But my concern is you switch two guys with the move in Whitworth and Smith. If you keep Collins at left tackle and Whitworth at left guard, the only guy you switch is Smith. As you said, Collins held up pretty well last year and Whit made life miserable for guys like Justin Tuck and John "Mad Eye Moody" Henderson.

The first paragraph goes, logic, nonsense, logic, nonsense, mad eye moody nonsense.

And maybe I'm behind the times but it took a couple searches to piece that doozy of a nickname together through the google.

Baghdad Hob Eyes Holdout

To expand upon Brosef's brief post yesterday...Buried deep in Baghdad Hob's most recent roster analysis, are four words that we already highlighted...and with good reason.  Leaving aside the rest of the contents of Baghdad's article, four words that appear under the Offensive Line heading jump off the page:

In the past the Bengals have usually kept nine. They need 3.5 tackles and 2.5 centers. The rest have to be able to play some combo of center, guard and tackle.

Much depends which tackle they make Smith. With a potential holdout and Whitworth and Collins both with snaps under the belt at left tackle, Smith could very well end up at right.

Did you see what he did there?  Did you see what he did there?  Tell me you saw it.  To my knowledge (which could be wrong), of the first round draft picks, only Matt Stafford has signed a deal.  Yet, Baghdad Hob just casually massages in "With a potential holdout."  Immediately after reading these four words, a headache ensued.  As one starts to feel good about the offseason moves that the Bengals have made, one has to start factoring in "a potential holdout" of the first round pick. 

Mike Brown: End the Dictatorship!! Hire a GM!

Editors Note: This post has been removed.

Baghdad Hob: Your Question Needs To Be Better Suited To My Answer

Q: I keep reading about how Jonathan Luigs needs to get stronger. I was curious how much on average can offensive lineman in the NFL squat or leg-press in the weight room? --Tom W., Moorpark, CA

Take note everyone. Tom asked how much an average O linemen squats or leg press'. This should be a simple straightforward answer from Hob.

TOM:  I'd hate to fire out some numbers because a lot of people just don't think those stats correlate to a guy being a good blocker and the range is so great. It helps, obviously, to be strong, but other key elements are leverage and smarts no matter how big the guy is across from you. Other key numbers are the broad jump and vertical jump because that shows leg strength.

Okay, so you don't want to fire out numbers. You can confirm that being strong helps blocking. That's a start. What else do you want us to know Hob? Oh, broad jump and vert are important. Something tells me that your answer to this question is not going to be about squatting and leg pressing, but more about jumping.

Baghdad Hob Reaches Deep Into His Bag Of Spin And All He Can Pull Out Is Injuries

Baghdad Hob continues to amaze the fair citizens of Cincinnati with his Hobson's Choice piece from yesterday. Unrelated, but today Hob has a story up about the Bengals signing Tank Johnson. I can't wait to see how he spins it when Tank Johnson waltzes into his office this offseason and proceeds to steal Hob's best Mac '91 monitor for what Tank will refer to as his speed shooting drills. Anyway, on to the choicest cuts in Hobson's butcher shop of knowledge.

Baghdad Hob: The Timeless Art Of Continuity

This Baghdad Hob piece was so chock full of crap that we at WhoDeyRev decided to give it another go. Plus, I think we can all agree that Word Championships aren't won in a single try.

DANA POINT, Calif. - When the AFC head coaches gather for their annual picture here Tuesday at the NFL spring meeting, the Bengals' Marvin Lewis can look around and see only three men in his first picture from 2003.

And just two of them, Tennessee's Jeff Fisher and New England's Bill Belichick, have coached more regular-season games.

Little known fact. The Bengals aren't gunning for a ring, they want that most regular season games with the same coach award to put in their shiny new virtual hall of fame.