IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)
29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
What's amazing is that a guy from Independence Ky budgeted $10,000 for a trip to Indianapolis. He must have planned a prolonged lay-over at Brads Gold Club.
Posted by: WhoDeyUK | September 16, 2011 at 03:42 AM
The guy's 24 - the last time the Broncos went to the Super Bowl, he was MAYBE 12 years old, tops. They should probably stop thinking the Broncos are going to the Super Bowl. Broncos fans are more delusional than Bengals fans, apparently.
And, @WhoDeyUK, I believe the $10000 was the combined total for eight fans, not just the one guy.
Posted by: Wyatt | September 16, 2011 at 06:09 AM
I want Tebow to come in the game for revenge purposes. Get some vindication for the UC sugar bowl debacle. That said, I feel more comfortable with Orton if I'm looking for executing our gameplan. Also, it is wholly unrealistic that Tebow would play regardless of Orton's performance. Fox has no stuff designed for Tebow (according to analysts) and he didn't even dress for the Raiders game. I would be fine if QUinn came in to replace Orton, he's worse than both of them. Lastly, I think Denver fans are a bit off base, Tebow aint gonna help the donkeys win, he's a short, inaccurate, slow runner of a QB, Josh McDaniels should be ashamed of the draft pick given where he took him. Tebow will not ever be the Broncos QB.
Posted by: CurseofBoJackson | September 16, 2011 at 12:10 PM
Facts just dampen the comic license...
Posted by: whodeyuk | September 16, 2011 at 04:53 PM
Is that link a pic of Jeff Query from behind?
Posted by: Sly Vramavomovich | September 16, 2011 at 07:12 PM
Really difficult to comment on this as it just doesn't make sense -- like it was written by a schizophrenic on speed.
However, it should be noted that as of last knowledge, Tebow was third on the Broncos depth chart so if Captain Neckbeard stinks it up (he was supposed to have done so last year as well -- remember?) they still have a person to go through before they get to Tebow (for the record, I think that the criticisms about Tebow have NO FOUNDATION in fact and are the reflections of a bunch of fuggin' idiots the nation over). I think that Tebow will have the skills. No doubt about it.
Posted by: wch | September 17, 2011 at 03:39 AM
Oh hey, it's the guy in the picture.
Posted by: Todd | September 17, 2011 at 04:56 AM
Tebow throws funny, and he tries to run the ball himself all the time. What kind of quarterback is that?
The kind of quarterback who'd be perfect playing for a team, where little-or-no effort is given, to develop and maintain a decent offensive line...
That said, I still don't know how we didn't end up w/ him...oh that's right; we still/already had our franchise quarterback at that point...
that was before Carson Palmer fired Mike Brown
from the show 2.5 Men, I mean, 2.5 playoffs...ok, I have some notes to finish, then I'm going back to bed...
Posted by: Hofbraunow | September 17, 2011 at 06:14 AM
How about you write about something worth talking about around here? Like MFB not getting money from ticket sales this year. About time! The Locals are speaking and have spoken!
http://www.bengals.com/news/article-1/No-local--TV-for-Niners-game/aa4d2afc-ac4b-4f27-9a78-69ea651c7a10
By GEOFF HOBSON
In a Saturday afternoon news release the Bengals announced their Sept. 25 Paul Brown Stadium opener at 1 p.m. against San Francisco won't be televised locally. The ticket office confirmed too many tickets remain available for the game to sell out, so it won'be televised in the home market cities of Cincinnati, Dayton, Ohio, and Lexington, Ky. Tickets can be obtained by calling the Bengals Ticket Hotline at 513-621-8383 (or toll free at 1-866-621-8383), or by going to bengals.com.
Posted by: TigerJ@w | September 17, 2011 at 02:02 PM
The fact that wch is a Tebow support just adds to his/her already momumental persona as the most out of touch and batshit-crazy football fan that I know.
Posted by: guttersnake | September 17, 2011 at 07:52 PM
Go Bengals! Kick their asses a mile high!
I mean, kick 'em another mile high!
Right up thru tha doo-dah neck beard!!!
At a discounted rate, and for no extra charge!!!
Give 'em the Mile-High F'lute!!!
Yeah!!! Beat them horsefags!!!
Flick 'em in the horsenuts!!!
[ OK that's plenty of fan contribution,
for one season...We should now be able
to watch the Niners game on TV,
and with a free bag of popcorn
from Mike Brown ]
Posted by: Beat-'Em-With-Rocky-Mountain-Boysters | September 17, 2011 at 09:10 PM
Well ol' "neckbeard" and "Wobet" and a bunch of third stringers managed to get the win from 'Shittnati' Shows how pathetic they are and how pathetic people who 'jumped on the bandwagon', truly are! I wonder how that idiot decided to do his locerroom show this time? Did he use his funeral home voice and talk about how it still was a moral victory for the Bengals? Y'all know who (Dave L.) that I'm talking about...
If there is a brightside, it has nothing to do with A fuckin' thing the Bungals have done -- it's just that their next few games are against teams that were talked up as being better than they are (remember when THAT was Cleveland?). The only thing is, when the Bengals (not 'if' but when) lose to those pieces of crap (SF) will 'Lapdog' proceed with his best funerary voice or will he sound off and tell the players how bad they are and how good he was 'way back when'? My guess is that it will just be enough in between that it will manage to piss off listeners and player alike -- and still reinforce the principal that he's a piece o' work!
Posted by: wch | September 19, 2011 at 08:36 AM
wch,
Can you stop with the "funny" nicknames that aren't funny at all? Can you not call anyone an idiot when you can't even spell "locker room"? And honestly, if the only bright side (see how that, like locker room, is a two-word phrase and not a single word as you seem to think?) you saw was that they have a weak schedule in the upcoming weeks, and not that Andy Dalton threw for 332 yards and 2 touchdowns with no interceptions, or that AJ Green caught ten passes for 124 yards and a touchdown, or that Jerome Simpson is developing into a legitimate deep threat with an average of 34 yards per catch, then you should probably just stop watching football.
Honestly, if you guys can't find anything positive to take out of yesterday's game, then JUST. STOP. WATCHING. It's easy, and it's going to better for your long-term health.
Posted by: Wyatt | September 19, 2011 at 08:54 AM
The only good thing I can get from watching the game yesterday is that order seems to have been restored to the universe again. After watching the Bengals make some great plays, get some favorable calls and stay in the game, I thought for sure they were going to win. In the past, the Bengals, the officials or simply fate always would find a way to change that and cause them to lose. Marvin's decision not to kick the long field goal with 3 minutes remaining and the ensuing 4th down disaster was classic Bungalmania.
Posted by: Comrade Ken | September 19, 2011 at 03:20 PM
Solid stats from the offense. I refuse to watch but from the game recap that I read it seems like 17-3 would have been a bad time for the offense and Dalton performed.
What happened with the defense? Wyatt it looks like some very positive things went down yesterday.
Posted by: JM | September 19, 2011 at 03:24 PM
Classic bungalmania would be 0-2 and not climbed back into the game yesterday. The most encouraging thing I have read about so far is that the Bungle moments haven't been there. For a team in the Bengals stages, losing a road game to a wounded dog isn't so bad.
It's going to be a tough year. The injuries will mount later. The lack of spending will hurt. But they've had two chances to be Bungles and they're 2-0 vs. the Bungles.
It has occurred to me that maybe Marvin did force some change???
Credit where credit is due but if this squad wins 6-7 games that's a major deal.
Posted by: JM | September 20, 2011 at 12:14 AM
JM,
Welcome back, man. Seems like you've shaken off the wholesale negativity and are willing to look for things to keep you a fan. That's good to see, and it doesn't mean you're suddenly on Mike Brown's jock or anything. I wasn't able to watch the game as I was driving to the Pittsburgh airport and then flying back to Connecticut, but I did catch the Sunday Ticket highlights while I was waiting to board my plane (and I'll watch the game in full when I get home next weekend), and from what I saw, there's reason to be optimistic about this team on the field. I still think 6-7 games is probably out of reach this year, but I also don't think they'll be leading the field in the "Suck for Luck" sweepstakes either (hi, Kansas City!). I realize that this won't turn into any real long-term success, but at least they're more fun to watch than that shitshow we experienced last year.
I never thought I would say this, but it's refreshing to not have to worry about what Chad is going to do next or when TO is going to self-destruct or especially how badly Carson's injured. It's nice to know how Lions fans have felt the past couple of years as their awful team gradually got younger and more and more talented. And while I don't see a trip to the Super Bowl in the future, at least they should be able to beat up on an increasingly old Pittsburgh defense for the next year or two.
Posted by: Wyatt | September 20, 2011 at 09:20 AM
There are some big positives for us but some very equally big negatives. USA Today reports that Andy Dalton is only the second Bengals rookie to throw for 300 or more yards in their second start. Greg Cook in '69 is the other. Also, the Elias Sports Bureau (???) says that Dalton is only the second rookie QB to post 100-plus passer rating in his first two starts... the other was Dan Marino who did it in three. That encompasses my favorite stat: he hasn't thrown an interception or caused a fumble yet! Even better, the offensive line has only had three penalties in two games... what's not to like?
How about 0-7 on 3d Down Conversions going into the 4th Quarter? How about Cedric and the all the subcomponents of the run game being straight stuffed by one of the worst run defenses in the NFL. And how about not being able to produce a field goal on any of the final three drives? That right there was the three-point problem - and we lost because of it.
Also, defensively, we came out flat. We looked like soup on that first drive. Erase that 3-minute ommission, and it would have been a different game. ...and I may be wrong, but I think that when Jones and Mays get healthy and running after the bye, we can expect to see some upgrade in the secondary, which should allow our pass rush a bit more freedom and cause a few more turnovers.
But bottomline; I agree - this isn't bunglemania. This is youth and development. Where it goes from here... well, we'll see. I'm not quiet ready to predict a octagon beating on Pittsburg yet, but we'll see...
Posted by: guttersnake | September 21, 2011 at 03:52 PM
Oh yeah, one other thing. Fuck Brandon Tate. I cannot believe that we cut Quan for that jack-ass. I am sooooo not impressed. Tate's numbers were good because the Pats special teams are good... and even with a bang up special teams he was slipping.
Jones is going to help out here if he comes back after the bye too.
Posted by: guttersnake | September 21, 2011 at 03:56 PM