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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 21, 2011

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Well at least it explains his, uh, lack of concentration when a ball is throw at him. Keep 'em coming Mike Brown - a nation expects!

You mean...Heatmiser to Green....

Why couldn't it have been Dennis Roland?

Jesus Jerome, if you wanted to be a shot caller, there are a million ways to insulate yourself from law enforcement attention, especially in the postition you (were) in. I swear, some folks just can't help themselves, talk about blowing it at the most crucial career juncture. Wasn't this the last year of his rookie contract? Or did he get resigned at some point? Anybody know for sure? Armon Binns, little Hawk, please step up, your opportunity awaits. Too bad we let Quan go, he was reliable when called upon the last two years.

And, of course, the Broncos signed Quan two days ago, so we can't even pick him back up.

8.5 lbs of smoke sounds like he had half pound a week for the season and a half pound for the after party while he watches chad win a ring.

You are correct, the Bengals don't disappoint. I've realized that I am incapable of generating an emotional response to anything Bengals anymore, so I am not disappointed. I enjoyed the game on Sunday, but wasn't terribly disappointed when they lost. They have taken that from me.

Jerome,
Good game on Sunday. You probably should have used FEDEX or UPS. Also, for legal reasons, you might want consider smaller, more frequent shipments. Jerome, 8 lbs of weed kinda seems like a lot to me.

Good thing he works for Brown. Once charged, a real team would release him and he wouldn't play football again until he had done the time. He should have a good two or three more chances with this team, though.

In the mail? If you read the story they found scales packaging materials and of course smoking materials inside the house. They also called it a distribution center. It's not that smoking was going on in his house, it's the selling and distribution that's going to get him.

How dumb can this guy be?

Jerome Simpson busted for pot? Proof once and for all that marijuana is not a performance enhancing drug.

I wouldn't call myself a frequent contributor to this site (hell, I wouldn't call the authors frequent contributors at this point), but I comment occasionally. Just curious if anyone's ever clicked the link in my name? Before I took my current job as a pot lobbyist, I was a prosecutor in Vinton County, so I have a doubly unique perspective on this one; which is that arresting pot smokers is a waste of taxpayer $ and that farmers & regulated merchants should control the marijuana trade, not cartels, gangs, and Bengals wideouts.

Hope you got your 49ers bets in early. The Vegas line for Sunday should be changing in 3, 2, 1...

Dan R.,
With all due respect, do you have a point other than the fact that you think pot ought to be legal? Because in the here and now, it seems like the issue is that the second string WR broke the law in a particularly stupid manner and that he might be lost at some point in the season if not immediately. It also seems that (regardless of one's position on the relevance of any particular law) this half-wit organization is filled with people that are not particularly concerns with conforming to society's basic demands.


Rich,

Simpson was a starter... though second string talent-wise is always debatable. Sorry to nit-pick. I'm bummed, though I might be the only one. I wasn't hoping for anything big this season... but I was looking forward to watching to see how the team would go forward with what they had. It seems now that:

- Shipley will be broke more often than not... sorry, I was worried when they drafted him that he was too frail.
- Benson can be as smash mouth as he wants, but I'd prefer it was on the field only...
- Simpson is done. 5-9 for that kind of a bust. Sad, but true.
- Tate is a fucking sad sad waste for Quan.
- Still don't like Reggie Nelson, think he is weak sauce.

So. He is what I have left to watch:

- Pass rush. Dunlap, Maualuga, Johnson... and the rookie Moch.
- Mays and Jones; I'm really looking forward to them getting in this mix. I don't expect wins, but I expect upgrades.
- AJ, Dalton and Gresham continuing to develop
- Clint Boling and the rest of the line. Questionable as it may be, its really the only factor that seems to be working right now to any degree of consistancy.

Thoughts?

It would seem our good friends at Donkey Tees didn't waste a second...

http://www.donkeyts.com/design/1472+I+WANNA+TALK+TO+SIMPSON+funny+Bengals+Tshirt

Dan R... This one's all you, Focker!

Guttersnake,
I meant second on the depth chart, not second string. Thanks for squaring me away.
I think you may be right that he's done. And with Shipley gone, that's no good.

Rich,

I'm not trying to start a policy discussion - this isn't the place - just thought it was a funny coincidence worth pointing out, and an easy shot at a couple bengals/pot jokes. In terms of getting all bent out of shape over missing an important player, this isn't 2005. This is a 5-7 win team anyway, and it's the Bengals...what did you expect to happen? If you want to bemoan the fact that this will cost us our shot at the super bowl, head over to cincyjungle.

And whatever your views on legality, we are in complete agreement that Simpson and Bengals management share roughly the same rung on the intelligence ladder.

Isn't obvious who the customers are? The entire Bengals locker room, possibly even Marvin himself.

Hah! In order to believe the Bengals are not gonna suck, you have to be smoking some of what Jerome Simpson smokes. A lot of it.

Looks like the 'Heat Miser' is going to have the 'Dope-Meister' to throw to today!

You could only ONLY score 8 points? Against San Fransisco? REALLY? Well 'Triple R' or 'R³' (i.e., the Red Rectum Rocket aka The Heat Miser aka Andy Dalton...) threw for less than 9 yards a completion -- not and attempt but a COMPLETION! That's 'purdy' bad! Before someone blasts on me about "raggin'" on Dalton, just remember, when some stupid dork was trying to come up with a name for a 'PR ginnin' up job' to actually make someone give an actual shit about the Bungles, Dalton knew about it. Agreed, he didn't promote it or anything like that but someone SOMEHWERE gave him advice that he should just stay quiet and make no comments. Here'e a hint, Dalton -- find out who it was an fire him because he really gave you shitty advice. Instead, you should have been magnanimous perhaps even self-deprecating (or defecating -- depending on how you look at it!) in saying that 'I am happy to hear that Cincinnati is behind me but alas, I am a rookie, I am learning and will continue to do so. To that end, it is only 1 game into the season and myu performance does NOT warrant a nickname and the cocksucker who thought the premise up ought to be castrated in full view of the public -- twice if he has anything to do with Wildman Walker! OOPS, sorry, one can only be castrated once...

If there EVER is a nickname to be attached to me, let it be due to me EARNING that nickname -- not an automatic assignement because some pathetic little douchebag decided that he really wants to be important."

So now, I think it is clear what I think of Douches who trot out nicknames when especially it is the case that the name is about a player who hasn't done a fucking thing yet in the NFL. Dalton should have stopped this and he didn't and now you have "Norm" up there in New York calling him this pathetic D-bag of a nickname.

Lest you think that "he can't possibly blame the Bengals players?" You'd be wrong -- very, very wrong. The vets on the team should have taken him (Dalton) aside and told him about this, how to handle it, and given him a permanent first year 'rookie' restriction of shutting his friggin' hole under his nose. If not for anything else but the remainder of the season. Yet those 'ass-clowns' did NO such thing -- shows you how good your teammates really are.Oh well, another day in the hell that is ZINZINNATI! See ya Chacquita, Boo Poo and Goo!

What was the 'over and under' on R³ being a bust?

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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