(before reading this, go read the Gold Star post below and TAKE THE SURVEY PLEASE, it is very important)
This offseason was bad before the last 48 hours. In sum, Carson Palmer, the franchise and dominant factor in what limited success the Bengals ever had under Mike Brown, threatened to retire if he wasn't traded and forgoe AN AMOUNT OF MONEY YOU WOULD THAT YOU WOULD MURDER YOUR OWN MOTHER TO HAVE FOR YOURSELF. In typical dipshit fashion, Mike Brown escalates the stand off and CARSON WILL ACTUALLY FUCKING RETIRE. AT AGE 31.
\composes self
Ahem.
\reads this, then loses it again completely
Then, THEN, as if voluntarily sending the core of the franchise into early retirement and getting no value in return wasn't enough...free agency hits and the Bengals execute their strategy...which literally amounts to Mike Brown walking out into the middle of PBS and taking a HUGE DUMP ON THE FIELD. Allow me to explain.
Factoring in that Carson's salary is gone from the books, the Bengals are TENS OF MILLIONS of dollars below the alleged salary floor assuming they keep everyone else on the roster in tact. FLOOR. NOT CAP. FLOOR. In case you don't understand the implications that means:
- They either spend money signing free agents (including their own) to get to the floor
- They don't spend anything, remain below the floor, and pay the difference without any DISCRETION WHATSOEVER BASED ON PLAYER'S MARKET VALUES OR MERITS
The only sane decision is BUY SOME FUCKING FREE AGENTS IN POSITIONS OF NEED. WHICH IS, LIKE, ALMOST EVERY POSITION. The Bengals notoriously never spend money in free agency (Coles & Bryant don't count, they were just replacing a departed TJ), but now, for once, they had not just the green light, but a BONAFIDE MANDATE TO SPEND SOME DOLLARS. Awesome, right? Well here is what the Bengals have done:
For starters, they traded Chad Johnson for about 90% less than they could have when he asked out YEARS ago. Think what you will about Chad now, but he was the only remaining veteran presence at WR, he was among the only bright spots in the past 20 years, and he was a MEGA TALENT. More practically, he would have counted for another $6 million towards the floor, which is $6 million of your fan money that Mike Brown couldn't totally WASTE. But now we are even further under the floor.
So then, you might think, "okay fine, Chad had long departed in spirit and effort anyway and it was time to move on. Plus, now we have to spend EVEN more so we can definitely make some moves." The defense is basically the Bengals only hope. It contains their only proven elite asset: their cornerbacks. GREAT, at least we can fucking lock them both down now since we gotta spend the money. Nope, Jonathan Joseph will now be a Texan FOR NO LOGICAL REASON AT ALL. GODDAMMIT.
Chad gone. JJoe gone. Now we're even further under the floor again. AND WE JUST CUT ANTAWN ODOM. WHO SUCKS NOW BUT WHATEVER WE GOT TO SPEND THE MONEY ANYWAY. AND SIGNING BRIAN LEONARD IS NOT A SOLUTION. THOMAS HOWARD HAS TWO FIRST NAMES. HE'S NOT TO BE TRUSTED!!! AND GRADKOWSKI? DIE!!!!!!!
I expect lunacy out of the Bengals front office. It's why this site exists. But even this behavior goes beyond what I ever thought capable.
Everything that was ever good, however limited, about the Bengals is sprinting for the exits. The man in charge not only remains uninterested in stopping this exodus, but he actually appears proud to continue causing it by standing by his terminally flawed and hypocritical "principles". More than that, things have spiraled so far out of control that every single decision the front office is making at this point appears to be the one that maximize the destruction of this Bengals team. Seriously, every choice they have made so far, from refusing to trade Carson and Chad, to releasing players this free agency (Odom), to failing to resign players despite having overwhelming resources (JJoe), to driving out ones who just want a chance (Mathis)...literally every choice inflicts maximum damage to this team. They have been bad before. Oh have they been bad. But this is a new level. It is so FUCKED and I see no hope to UNFUCK it.
How do the Bengals even meet the floor at this point? Our own beat reporter, Joe Reedy says this:
The debt ceiling problem is an easier one to solve
And you know what? HE'S RIGHT. What will likely end up happening is that we will blow equal money on mediocre replacements for everyone who has left or Mike Brown refuses to trade, saddling the team with shitty contracts not just this season but in the future, for players we will likely want to stab rather than watch. And you can bet Mike Zimmer, the best thing besides Carson Palmer to ever happen to Bengaldom, will flee for his life as soon as he can.
I can usually predict to some degree what dumb shit the Bengals will do (think bringing back Chris Henry, signing Pacman, letting Steinbach go, etc.) but this is a more virulent form of asshattery. It's so mindboggling idiotic that it makes me suspicious. And the only thing I can think of is that the salary floor is not going to really apply to the Bengals somehow. No, that can't be, right? Right? FUCKING RIGHT??!!! OMG LOOK AT THIS AND BE AFRAID.
So either the Bengals have finally, after two decades, completely disintegrated in terms of their ability to even function as an organization...or they are cynically dumping salary to simply cash in on a revenue-sharing-without-salary-floor BONANZA.
YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK FOLKS. THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY. I AM GOING TO DRINK AN ENTIRE LITER OF THIS RIGHT NOW. FUCK.
-----------------------
Important Update: from Pro Football Talk comes a simple outline of the CBA. In 2011-2012 teams must spend in aggregate 99% of the salary cap. So while there is no floor this year, the Bengals would have to make it all up in 2012 by going WAY over the cap if they continue to do nothing. Verbatim: "This helps ensure teams that were way under the cap in recent years like the Bengals and Bucs spend more." The rant above still applies. <=this entire paragraph likely wrong, will clarify later
Update: the Bengals have "$49 million of cap room" according to John Clayton. Also, not only did JJoe walk away, according to Lance the Bengals have waived Morgan Trent and put Pacman on the PUP list. So now our secondary is Leon Hall, Cris Crocker and Mike Zimmer's icy stare.
In related news, Ray Edwards, a serviceable free agent replacement for Odom, will also not be a Bengal. He will go Atlanta instead.
\Well, I suppose they might be making a run at Asomugha
\That'd be kind of cool
\Nope. Bengals are still shit.
Serious question here. What happens when the Bengals average 45,000 or less per game? I can't imagine those kind of numbers sitting well with an owner like Jerry Jones who has to share revenue with Mike Brown.
Posted by: evilbrowntwin | July 29, 2011 at 02:33 PM
no way we get Asomugha. He's already got money and our offer would need to be leaps and bounds larger to convince him to play for this organization. He wants to play for a contender. On the bright side, it looks as though we're getting Luck in April.
Posted by: AM | July 29, 2011 at 03:14 PM
SWB, I think you have already broken into that bottle of W.L Weller if you are even insinuating they'll make a run at Asomugha, we all know better than M.B even dreaming of spending that kinda money for one man.
Posted by: Kevin Jones | July 29, 2011 at 03:38 PM
I think you're right about Zimmer getting the hell out of here. Did you see the article on the Bengals website? He sounds pissed. The Bengals will probably take the article down shortly. His most telling comments are...
"I'm upset, disappointed, frustrated. It's disappointing. You get good guys off the field, they work hard in the weight room and on the practice field and you kind of mold them what you want them to look like and they get out of here. I was under the assumption in the conversations I've had since before the lockout that we were going to get him back. I was pretty much told we were going to get him back."
Posted by: Adam | July 29, 2011 at 04:03 PM
Brilliant article, exactly how I (and probably every other Bengals fan) feels. In a tweet from joereedy he has already discounted making a run at Asomugha, with a "Child Please"
-DHolthaus85
Posted by: DHolthaus85 | July 29, 2011 at 04:14 PM
Um ... Brian Leonard has two first names also.
Posted by: boriskat | July 29, 2011 at 04:41 PM
Well I gotta say fellas I think I'm out. You're all aces in my book for staying with this team, but i can't put up with the crap anymore. It is mind boggling how bad of an owner this guy is, and whats even crazier is that he won't realize or admit it. I feel like this offseason was an intervention for the Bengals, and they chose to stay with their lifestyle. I will always silently root for them and remember who-dey's of the 80's when I was a little lad, but after 20+ years of this I have to say goodbye. I don't live in cincy (live in FL actually) I have no connection to the team other than I liked Icky woods and I tried to stick with them since then. But when you watch a good organization run properly, football or otherwise, it really makes you wonder how in the hell the bad ones stay in business. So I as the paying customer am taking my business elsewhere. So long Bengals....
Posted by: mark | July 29, 2011 at 05:05 PM
Aparently Morgan Trent has now NOT been cut. In a only-the-Bengals-could-pull-off-this-type-of-ineptitude moment, Lance is reporting the following...
From the Bengals
The Bengals’ announcement of roster moves earlier today included an incorrect report of CB Morgan Trent being waived. Trent has not been waived and remains on the training camp roster.
Posted by: Adam | July 29, 2011 at 05:33 PM
let's imagine that they continue to lose their own free agents and sign nobody significant. Lose C.Benson, D.Jones, J.Fanene, B.Johnson, R.williams and end up 60M under the cap. Then with the same salary base for next year and a 125M cap, there would be a 123.75M floor, but the Bengals would be 124.58M under the floor. More if B.Williams retired. Suppose you made a contract offer and nobody took it because no one wanted to be here? Or on the other hand we might have the best team money can buy in 2012
Posted by: Bruce Parent | July 29, 2011 at 05:40 PM
People have to STOP going to games. PERIOD.
Blackouts have to happen. Lots of them.
It's time for a Project Mayhem task.
Organize something, ANYTHING to deter people from going to games. I baffles me that idiots still have season tickets. Mike Brown IS STEALING from you and has been for 20 fucking years.
Christ, I hate him.
Posted by: TJanns | July 29, 2011 at 05:49 PM
Is Mike trying to pocket piles of cash for one big year and then get out?
None of this makes any sense.
Why would Marvin come back for this? I don't see more than 4 wins and really can't tell you how they'll get to 4.
This is crazy.
Posted by: JM | July 29, 2011 at 06:21 PM
MFB does not have to spend to the CAP for 2011 and 2012. The interpretation of the new CBA WHAMBOOZLED all Bengals fans. Now you know why JJ was never re-signed.
The Bengals don't have to spend any money at all if they don't want to. There's no floor, all there is, has the league as a whole has to spend 99% of cap space. Since that leave's us as the team who will not spend!
Salary cap plus benefits of $142.4 million per club in 2011 ($120.375 million for salary and bonus) and at least that amount in 2012 and 2013.
» Beginning in 2012, salary cap to be set based on a combined share of "all revenue," a new model differentiated by revenue source with no expense reductions. Players will receive 55 percent of national media revenue, 45 percent of NFL Ventures revenue, and 40 percent of local club revenue.
» Beginning in 2012, annual "true up" to reflect revenue increases or decreases versus projections.
» Clubs receive credit for actual stadium investment and up to 1.5 percent of revenue each year.
» Player share must average at least 47 percent for the 10-year term of the agreement.
» League-wide commitment to cash spending of 99 percent of the cap in 2011 and 2012.
» For the 2013-2016 seasons, and again for the 2017-2020 seasons, the clubs collectively will commit to cash spending of at least 95 percent of the cap.
» Each club committed to cash spending of 89 percent of the cap from 2013-2016 and 2017-2020.
» Increases to minimum salaries of 10 percent in Year 1 with continuing increases each year of the agreement.
Posted by: TigerJ@w | July 29, 2011 at 06:24 PM
The people will stop going to games. I don't think anyone has mentioned it but wait until this train wreck of an offense plays 4 preseason games. It's going to be a disaster and the opening day starter is Bruce Gradkowski.
Palmer for Gradkowski, and 4 horrible preseason performances. They may set a record for the lowest attendance ever for a NFL home opener.
Posted by: JM | July 29, 2011 at 06:28 PM
We just signed some guard named Deuce from the Cardinals. The playoff tickets will be on sale soon, I hope they come with free popcorn. If I kill myself can Mike Brown be charged with Murder?
Posted by: Eric Miller | July 29, 2011 at 09:06 PM
Rumor has it the bengals offered asomughua all $50 mil of cap space per year and he said no....
By the way, this will definitely happen:
AND WITH THE FIRST OVERALL PICK THE BENGALS SELECT ANDREW LUCK
CHRIS BERMAN: This just in.... Luck has decided that he will retire from football if he is not traded to another team
Posted by: GRIM REAPER | July 29, 2011 at 10:42 PM
Next Project Mayhem: full page Enquirer ad. How much do those go?
Posted by: g | July 30, 2011 at 12:18 AM
It's time for the next project mayhem. Way overdue. Has to be something that will shock, get the attention of the media, and force a response from Mike Brown or his ugly daughter. Sow him that "themes",as he calls them, will never die.
Posted by: Penenvy | July 30, 2011 at 08:41 AM
Andrew Luck will not come here. He will ask for a trade or bolt to Canada. Mark it down!
Posted by: TigerJ@w | July 30, 2011 at 12:14 PM
been living in Nashville for past 12 years, have hung on as a bungles fan all that time. I think it's finally over, I might have to buy a Titan's hat. No wonder my Dad stayed a Brown's fan even after the Bengals come around.
Posted by: Dave | July 30, 2011 at 06:54 PM
I'm with Dave from Nashville. I've been living in Carolina for 3 years and I just became a Panthers fan. I can justify it because the Panthers won 2 games last year, so I can't be accused of being a bandwagon supporter and at the very least the Richardson family gives a crap about putting a decent team on the field.
Posted by: Brad | July 30, 2011 at 07:23 PM
Well in that case im with Dave and Brad, moved to Chicago 4 years ago, had been buying NFL Sunday ticket to watch my Bengals but this year, Im done... GO BEARS!
Posted by: Jordan | July 31, 2011 at 11:38 AM
I'm from Montreal
Ive been a Bengal fan since '87 basically cuz I found their unis so cool and because of icky. Stuck with them through all these years but I must say this year seems to be the final nail in the coffin(hopefully mike fuckin prick brown's). I have no allegiance to the city of Cincinnati but also no ill will. But this fuckin prick of an owner is making me wish this team is just bought and moved. I want to just pick some other team to root for cuz I love football so much but I just can't seem to do it. What the fuck do I do?
You guys on the front lines need to spread the word and get the least fans attending these games to force something here.
Posted by: GRIM REAPER | July 31, 2011 at 11:16 PM
I'm from Denmark been rooting for the Bengals for 10 years now. Dont know why i picked the Bengals all those years ago i just remember something about them having a cool offense and i thought wauw.. not thinking that anymore thats for sure ;)
Mb ill start rooting for miami or something atleast they got good weather..
Posted by: Peter | August 01, 2011 at 06:25 AM
Peter & GRIM - would love to keep you as fans but given you weren't born into this mess I won't begrudge you if you find another team to support. Thanks for reading the site.
A majority of fans are getting the message at this point that the Bengals are happy to take advantage of their unconditional support to run the team for their own benefit only. There are really only two things that matter: 1)how many hopelessly hardline fans there are that will ALWAYS buy tickets/merchandise/etc no matter how bad it gets and 2)if corporate sponsors will be willing to abandon the team. If there are enough of those fans and corporations just can't quit the Bengals, then we just have to wait for Mikey to die. My guess is that if the Bengals continue like this even those two groups won't be enough to save the Bengals.
Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | August 01, 2011 at 09:57 AM
CHECK OUT THIS MIKE BROWN VIDEO!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrmSbx5nU50&feature=player_embedded
Posted by: Theme-Creator | August 02, 2011 at 06:36 PM
Your sanity -- maybe, but the organization will still be here. You lost the second (though mostly none of your doing) best chance of getting rid of Mikey Boy Brown -- that is to say: hold out on a football season long enough that he can't afford it anymore and has to sell the team -- but reality says that he would have had to miss at least four seasons in order for things to come to that. The first chance? Tell him to go blow and not give him a stadimu and when he said he would leave, clapp at him for doing so. That WAS YOUR mistake. You could have done something about that -- and ultimately it didn't happen and now 'ya got what ya paid fer!'
Why is it so hard for people on here to admit that they voted in favor of the new stadium -- especially knowing what a POS MBB is? Why can't they simple say: "I fucked up!" "I have no basis in my views and it was purely being a spoiled SOB that I allowed my good conscience to be swayed to do what I did."
"Please forgive me and let me literally fall on my sword. It'll be bloody but..." See, no one wants to do that because they lack the integrity to do so. There "ain't" a one of you that didn't know this was coming or wasn't told it was going to happen -- so don't claim: "I didn't know!" That's bullshit, you knew and you only cared about yourselves being able to go see a football team where you didn't have to drive a 100 miles to Indianapolis -- that's the real facts. Oh well, until people start recognizing this as truly FACT...
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