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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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May 16, 2011

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Aqua Bengal's brother, Evil Bengal.

Last, we end with a little fun at the Bengals expense. With Geoff Hoblaw's Hob Blog, a twitter account, and the "Who Dey Perspective", the Bengals have gotten their internet on big time. But wading into the world of social media is fraught with danger. SuperJew513 (nice handle) sarcastically tweets:

No one wants to get in on the "How fat is Andre Smith gonna be?" pool? I'm disappointed. However, if anyone changes their minds (or hasn't seen it, since I initially posted it in the 28th comment of a two-week old post), I've got 410 pounds as my pick.

ESPN has him listed at 345. I'll go in with 375. This isn't Price is Right rules, closest wins.

What's at stake Wyatt?

Good question, SWB - I'm open to suggestions...

Training camp commences pre September 1st, I'll bet 380. Training camp commences post September 1st, I'll bet 390. Having a brain fart about what possibly to wager.

How about you win the right to request some columns of any topic?

I'm having a tough time what I could win from you guys though...

"no matter how awesome it would be if Dalton dyes black stripes into his orange hair"

+1

The question for Smith isn't "What are the stakes," but "Where are the steaks?"

Do well to remember this.

I'll take 374. If I win Sleeping W/ Bieniemy has to pay for and eat a whole basket of buffalo calamari(far and away his favorite food).

I almost forgot. Well said Mockenrue.

345?! yeaaaa in his bra!

Good news is that Andre's foot may heal now that he's NOT allowed to see Mike Browns medical staff.

There have been some positive changes in the menu at Dennys!

@ least 420. he's going the way of JJ, just without ever looking like he might be a good player

Don't feel bad about being on hiatus. Mike Brown and the Bengals have been there since 1991.


Hiatus = Iloveus


With the lockout in effect, can't wait for the fall lineup, of a certain 'competing' network,

who will debut *their* new reality show, titled "The Fattest Bigg'Un", starring...hmmm....


...In other news, can't wait to see Micheal Moore's new crockumentary, titled "Stupor-Size Me: Bowling for Combine", starring Not-My-Shirt,
with a special guest appearance, of former XFL star He-Fat-Me


415 (+/- BBL)

Yeah, this whole 'hiatus' thing going on is great

True that

You might want to get back to your computer and start writing up a juicy article about Portune wanting to TAX the tickets MFB sells. Awesome Idea and I love it! Stick it to MFB another way since he will not re-negotiate the lease.

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20110518/NEWS0108/105190342/Portune-s-proposal-Tax-tickets?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|

I feel like Moobs is old news...would it be a greater shock if he came to camp at 340 or 400? How about a wager on which recent draft pick will flop? My money is on Dontae Moch being this generation's version of Riccardo McDonald and Robert Sands being the Bengals' version of Pat Watkins. And can someone tell me why in the fuck the Bengals drafted Evan Mathis' replacement with what looks like an exact clone? Luckily Red Dalton is one tough SOB and AJ Green looks like a taller/saner version of Sir Chas.

You know the best part about WDR's hiatus? No wch!

You might want to get back to your computer and start writing up a juicy article about Portune wanting to TAX the tickets MFB sells. Awesome Idea and I love it! Stick it to MFB another way since he will not re-negotiate the lease.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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