Friday Random Crap Post

There's so little to get to where do I begin.  Should I borrow from Peter King and tell you about my roto baseball team lineup?  Nope.  That's just cruel.  Wait, that gives me an idea:

AL DAVIS

Our owner may be terrible but on the crazy scale Al Davis outweighs everyone.  We learn from Peter King that Al has all his employees selling tickets during the lockout.  Peter thinks that is just terrific.  In other news, Peter King is terrible at thinking.  Get a load of this fucking quote:

I love the Raiders asking their employees (including coaches) to sell tickets in an attempt to make sure their salaries aren't cut. 

Fact:  you are a dick if you think that's a good idea.  The owners are voluntarily choosing to lock everyone out which screws their own employees.  How do you love that they then ask their employees to double as salespeople to make sure their salaries don't get cut?  That is some brazen shit right there.  Mike Brown has not cut, or I believe even threatened to cut, salaries in his own front office (of course, it's all his family and friends anyway).  This is the ONLY thing to do if you are an owner.  Front office employees are collateral damage in a voluntary war owners started, so they owe it to their front office to keep paying them.  I'll let KSK take Peter King from here because if I keep dwelling on what assholes the owners are I will lose it.

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Todd Portune wants to tax Bengals tickets to help pay for the giant sinkhole that is Paul Brown Stadium (and GABP to be fair - though less so).  Obviously, I think this is a great idea.  All you who still buy tickets to games (stop that!) might moan as you think this will increase the cost of your tickets.  Not necessarily.  It is all about who bears the incidence of the tax burden.  See an old post that discusses tax incidence here.  Bottom line:  if the Bengals feel like they can't raise ticket prices because of weak demand, then the tax will fall (at least mostly) on them and not fans.  This scenario is not unrealistic given weak demand in 2010 and a sad offseason.

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Since Carson would rather pay $50 million (or whatever amount) to play with his kids in retirement than play for the Bengals, the offense really will be in flux for some time unless Dalton becomes an advanced Chad Pennington immediately.

Thus, the defense must carry the load for now.  That means re-signing the one elite unit we have:  cornerback.  I fully expected Joseph to just be ignored given his potential cost.  Seems maybe I am too pessimistic.  I will credit the Bengals if they do sign Joseph.  This is about the only good news I have heard this offseason concerning the roster, and even this news is basically total speculation.

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I mostly agree with my man Brosef on his Carson post with a couple important caveats:  1) I think there is an argument to be made Carson has much more in the tank left than we generally believe in Cincinnati and 2) while the Bengals long term prospects are unchanged at a perpetural "miserable" I think next year (should a normal season happen) you could see a really quick reversal and playoff run if Carson comes back.  Football Outsiders made some compelling points TO's perceived strong contribution last year actually was a statistical mirage and a huge drag on Carson and Thornton piles on with the non-data driven "chemistry" angle (via Tank Johnson) that last year the locker room was just not healthy.  Here's why next year could be a good year:

1. The schedule will be much easier
2. We shed the locker room of chemistry problems
3. When the right offensive line personnel were in the game we looked good in 2010 (think last few games)
4. We have elite cornerbacks and emerging pass rushers
5. Though we drafted a WR which I hate in general, AJ Green in particular is supposed to be an insane prospect
6. New offensive coordinator (I don't even care who it is)

This potential for a quick turnaround is so obvious that I think even our management sees it.  With an apathetic fan base, they are probably desperate for it.  From this perspective, you can view our offseason differently.  They weren't rebuilding in the draft with that AJ Green pick, they were replacing Chad AND sending a message to their disgruntled franchise QB.  They weren't drafting Dalton as the franchise QB of the future, they were drafting him as a hedge if Carson out stubborns Mike Brown.  I have yet to see a quote from Mike Brown that says he doesn't want Carson back (please send me one if he has, seriously).  

Remember, we all (at least at WDR) thought for sure Marvin was gone after this season.  It was a certainty until it all of sudden wasn't.  The same thing may be playing out with Carson.  Paying $50 million to hang out with your kids when you can return to a team that will likely be in a much healthier place seems insane - even if you still play for the Bengals at the end of the day.  I think Carson may reach the same conclusion once the lockout ends.  I, for one, would welcome him back.

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But if Carson doesn't come back then we need all the help we can get.  Might I suggest the Abominable Throwman himself?  He's back in the area according to the NKY.com.  And as we pointed out, if you think our offensive line has questions, might as well have a QB who is a lineman.

Comments

[bungalfamily]

Peter King is a spoiled brat. Of course he would sympathize with Al Davis. He does nothing, except write the worst weekly column possibly ever--I challenge anyone to find a weekly column inferior to PKs column.

Anyway, I was going to go on a long rant about how he openly flaunts botched expenses, errouneous expenses and how important he is all the while Sports Illustrated has to be going down like a sinking ship (hopefully). Blah, I'm so pissed and stupified I can't even think straight.

/PK had a threesome with Al Davis and John Madden
//Heard about it on a Sirius Radio interview last weekend
///Vomits in mouth
////Dick joke

[Oliver_Twist-off]

Al Davis is a Fagin who will force his orphan rats to go out and rob in the streets or else he will beat them and send them to bed without any gruel

[Fool_Hand_Fluke]

On the other hand Mike Brown, aka ShyLuck; demands his pound of flesh every sad season, and then again, everytime the stadium needs blah blah blah...

(Not if Todd Portune can help it)

On the other other hand, Mike Brown, aka The Pied Party Pooper, will hype everyone up, and spend just enough money to have the team achieve their long-standing status quo.

It's a good thing I'm running out of hands, but then again, that never stopped Mike "goalie-soccer-hands" Brown from blocking a win...

[Wyatt]

What you fail to mention about the Abominable Throwman is that he is also his team's GM, so he could be a secret weapon of sorts for Mikey Boy. Quarterback, offensive lineman, blocking tight end, AND Assistant GM? ALL FOR $500 A WEEK? SIGN THAT MAN UP, NOW!

@bungalfamily: I believe the last clause of your first paragraph should be "Name five columns worse than MMQB - you can't."

/dick joke

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My only comments are (1) the "crimes" aren't really a bad reflection on Tressel... sure he's supposed to "coach" his football players to do the right thing but we all know that college-aged kids are pretty much going to do whatever they want. So if Tressel were to be honest about the transgressions rather than look the other way, I don't think that hurts his reputation, only adds to it really. And (2) can't see Urban ending up at OSU. He doesn't really make the decisions in that family, and Mrs. Meyer apparently prefers locales where she can lounge outside with her pink umbrella drinks and watch the cabana boy work his magic.

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What you fail to mention about the Abominable Throwman is that he is also his team's GM, so he could be a secret weapon of sorts for Mikey Boy. Quarterback, offensive lineman, blocking tight end, AND Assistant GM? ALL FOR $500 A WEEK? SIGN THAT MAN UP, NOW!

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Good luck Carson! I hope you are freed and get to succeed elsewhere like Corey Dillon.

[mbt sale]

That was my thought,too.

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