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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« Carson Palmer: Stepping Up or Backing Down? | Main | WDR Off Topic - Tressel Resigns & Further Screws Football In The Short Term For Me »

May 27, 2011


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Peter King is a spoiled brat. Of course he would sympathize with Al Davis. He does nothing, except write the worst weekly column possibly ever--I challenge anyone to find a weekly column inferior to PKs column.

Anyway, I was going to go on a long rant about how he openly flaunts botched expenses, errouneous expenses and how important he is all the while Sports Illustrated has to be going down like a sinking ship (hopefully). Blah, I'm so pissed and stupified I can't even think straight.

/PK had a threesome with Al Davis and John Madden
//Heard about it on a Sirius Radio interview last weekend
///Vomits in mouth
////Dick joke

Al Davis is a Fagin who will force his orphan rats to go out and rob in the streets or else he will beat them and send them to bed without any gruel

On the other hand Mike Brown, aka ShyLuck; demands his pound of flesh every sad season, and then again, everytime the stadium needs blah blah blah...

(Not if Todd Portune can help it)

On the other other hand, Mike Brown, aka The Pied Party Pooper, will hype everyone up, and spend just enough money to have the team achieve their long-standing status quo.

It's a good thing I'm running out of hands, but then again, that never stopped Mike "goalie-soccer-hands" Brown from blocking a win...

What you fail to mention about the Abominable Throwman is that he is also his team's GM, so he could be a secret weapon of sorts for Mikey Boy. Quarterback, offensive lineman, blocking tight end, AND Assistant GM? ALL FOR $500 A WEEK? SIGN THAT MAN UP, NOW!

@bungalfamily: I believe the last clause of your first paragraph should be "Name five columns worse than MMQB - you can't."

/dick joke

My only comments are (1) the "crimes" aren't really a bad reflection on Tressel... sure he's supposed to "coach" his football players to do the right thing but we all know that college-aged kids are pretty much going to do whatever they want. So if Tressel were to be honest about the transgressions rather than look the other way, I don't think that hurts his reputation, only adds to it really. And (2) can't see Urban ending up at OSU. He doesn't really make the decisions in that family, and Mrs. Meyer apparently prefers locales where she can lounge outside with her pink umbrella drinks and watch the cabana boy work his magic.

What you fail to mention about the Abominable Throwman is that he is also his team's GM, so he could be a secret weapon of sorts for Mikey Boy. Quarterback, offensive lineman, blocking tight end, AND Assistant GM? ALL FOR $500 A WEEK? SIGN THAT MAN UP, NOW!

Good luck Carson! I hope you are freed and get to succeed elsewhere like Corey Dillon.

That was my thought,too.

Many thanks for the article. I will have a link back to this information from our fresh blog. Thanks again.

so he could be a secret weapon of sorts for Mikey Boy. Quarterback, offensive lineman, blocking tight end, AND Assistant GM? ALL FOR $500 A WEEK? SIGN THAT MAN UP, NOW!

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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