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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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March 15, 2011

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That's a lot of assumptions....either way Brown's tyranny will continue to rule. The only chance we got is to draw attention and public embarrassment. i.e. tv blackouts, convincing season ticket holders to go to games not buy anything then collectively execute a mass walkout. ( and not a normal walkout when the game is over in the 4th quarter, I'm talking about midway thru the 1st quarter, even better if the Bengals are actually tied or winning the game walkout.) Getting press. That's all we can do.

I'm so happy for Mikey and pumpkin that they've been stashing money away for 20 years or so.

God I'd love to see 10 years worth of this ass clowns audited financials. Maybe then even the die hard douche bags would see he's fielding a bottom 10 product while reaping top 10 profits.

I'm hoping for a red October and no orange and brown.

I am genuinely frightened that Mike Brown is on the bargaining committee for the league. His "high profitability via a crappy product" model obviously works for him, but the entire league can't survive on the model. God help us all.

Ces équipes sont les meilleures! Par conséquent, ils méritent un tel gaspillage d'argent!

Awhile back I had a conversation with a German friend of mine. He described to me the system that is used for their professional soccer leagues. At the time, I didn't like it very much...but now given how I feel about the Bengals, I've come around to being a fan. If I remember right, it works something like this:

- There are many leagues, and they are hierarchical. That is, you have the top league. Below that, you have another, and below that, another. (Kind of like baseball, but the teams in the lower leagues are not necessarily related to one another.)

- Anyone can start a new team or play for a team. That is, average Joe Blow can play for the local SuckMeisters and be part of the system. He might be in the lowest of leagues, and he might suck, and his team might suck, but they are in the system.

- Every season, the bottom two teams per level move down one league. Likewise, the top two teams move up.

So when I heard this, the idea made me nervous. In this world, my beloved Bengals would be delegated to the minor leagues in no time. But with time, seeing how MB runs things, and seeing the cartel-like qualities of the NFL, there is a lot I like about this system. I like the parity of the NFL and I don't know how that would be reconciled with a system like this, but otherwise, I like its meritocratic qualities. Owners like MB would be forced to evolve or lose his place. As has been pointed, under the current system, he can coast without any real repercussions.

This is an interesting, even if simplistic, look at the financials of the organization. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this indicate (though it does involve some assumptions) that regular attendance, i.e. non-luxury box tickets, and merchandise purchases do indeed hit this douche in the only place he can comprehend/feel (his wallet)? A good chunk too, possibly over $50M (23 + 36).

Funny thing that I found out about the NFLPA -- they decertified so they are defunct, yet they are telling anyone who will listen (read: prospective draftees) to not go to the NFL Draft -- who are they? They aren't a union...
Well these same jizz-brains have prospective cows when the Owners prepared (which any 'good' owner would sensibly do) for the lockout by saving about 4 billion in cash) and have the chutzpah to claim that the owners are colluding -- when being in a union IS colluding in and of itself. Oh well, toadstools!

Matt C - all European football leagues work on a basis where if you are in the bottom two or three you are relegated to an inferior division. The English Premier League used to be called plain old First Division before Rupert Murdoch and TV cash ruined football. How? Small clubs began to load up on crappy expensive footballers on rediculous wages in an effort to get to the promised land of huge TV contracts and massive sponsorship deals. Clubs live in total fear of relegtion now as it means a much smaller share of TV cash while leaving the club with all those crappy expensive players to pay. And the buggers don't come cheap. Many football clubs in England have been forced into bankrupty and administration through owners' greed and mismanagement. Mike Brown is fucking lucky to work in a sport where failure is rewarded - but we all know this don't we?

Relegation would kill the Bengals.

unions in and of themselves do not act secretly, nor do they work to achieve a fradulent, illegal or decietful purpose. it doesn't surpise me at all to find that wch spends his time watching fox news when he's not busy being a troll.

Bungalfamily - I do support the players in the dispute but I am no big fan of how the NFLPA handled itself during negotiations. And surely plently of unions have the capacity to act towards a fradulent, illegal or decietful purpose. Where there is power there is an opportunity to abuse it. Fucking sucks but it's the truth bud. The demand on rookies to boycott what is essentially the biggest night of their young careers reeks of union bullying - all this, as wch has pointed out already, from a non-existent union to non-members of said non-existent union. Not to mention the fact they the first-round guys are expected to take a paycut once normality returns, and ex-union has the gall to ask the same players to boycott on their behalf? Jesus, this is unreal.

Union bullying? Do you listen to the pre-recorded deal at the end of an NFL broadcast that basically says that you are prohibited from publicly rebroadcasting the game or even talking about the events? The NFL owners won't allow you to use their name or games for free without getting money for it.

Why should the players show up at the sports pimp's, I mean ESPN's draft overload show and be able to market them without allowing them the ability to sign a contract to play football?

Let's put it another way. There's a really good whorehouse. The girls sign a contract to work there which has expired. There is one girl there who gives the best blowjobs. Her name is......... oh I don't know, let's call her wch. Why would wch allow the whorehouse to attract clients (make money) by use of her image when she is no longer under contract?

See that analogy even applies to the draft too.

Well done estimates -- certainly within 10% of reality.

Mike Brown finally gave an "extra" interview to let any Bengals.com fans know that he's still in control, has been stockpiling money to ride out a work stoppage and won't cut employees' salaries. This last note shouldn't surprise anyone since half the front office are his own relatives.

Reality, however, is that Mike Brown is like the warden of a public restroom. He spends all of his time figuring how he can keep people locked into his shitty confines and derives great joy illustrating descriptions of what he calls his success. From the ovens of his home-bred statistics Trolls he brings fucked-up statements such as:
* "Less than half of the league has won 2 Division Championships from 2005-10"
* "We're 10th in the League over the past 10 years for games started by own draft selections"
* "Adolph Hitler wasn't so bad until he started burning people in addition to books"

OK, that last one was only a paraphrase -- but you get the idea.

Mike will never come out of his shit can colony to answer real questions, however -- questions such as:
* "How many owners in NFL history were faster to 200 losses or slower to 100 wins in their careers?"
* "How many playoff games has the team won under your sole direction?"
* "Why do you call a Press Conference and then refuse to answer appropriate questions from attending journalists?"
* "How can you justify paying yourself $2 million annually as the football GM of the Bengals?"
* "How are you going to get even with Carson Palmer after he took $80 million from you, gave you a public bitch-slapping and worked your ass without even giving a reach-around?"

After watching the recent events of the NFL CBA debacle, I have come to realize that the league is a well-worked scheme by elite shysters to bring a form of pseudo-religion to a large segment of America which has lost real meaning in life. As long as the head buffoon (Goodell) can watch and do nothing to pimps like Mike Brown, it will be difficult for me to move from that conclusion.

JM - fair enough. I propose a compromise then.

Draftees can go to New York, but when selected they can deliver a headbutt to Mr Goodell in person. Everyone wins!

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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