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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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March 24, 2011

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Dear God...

When Mike Brown is the beacon of light for SUCCESSFUL NFL owners I officially lose faith that we will have a NFL season this year.

Aside from the several references to a "damn" (should be "dam", although I've not checked Bengals.com to see if Hob uses the improper one), my only complaint with this post (and a lot of the recent posts and comments, actually) is the continued use of "monopoly" to describe owning an NFL team. The proper term would be "oligopoly", because there are 31 other competitors for NFL fans' loyalty (and money). To be perfectly honest, it's a very minor flaw in an otherwise well-executed takedown of possibly the worst "professional" sportswriter on the 'net.

(And, if anyone was wondering, I've been gone because I had 3 weeks off of work and spent it mostly unplugged, enjoying the time with my family.)

Wyatt, Hob did sure use the wrong "damn." What would you expect with someone with such command of the english language?

Here's another Hob gem from that article:

"A traditional hawk when it comes to replay, flow of the game is also the reason he chose to vote for the official in the booth having the option to replay any scoring play."

So in addition to being a visionary, Brown is also a traditional hawk?

"But you better do it quickly. He's back behind the desk."

Probably, getting a Hob-job, so do not disturb.

Hate to say it...but the way the post ended quoting Rooney, it seems he is the owner we would like to have, yet that means we'd have to root for the Steelers. Wodi, that is a mind fuck.

@ Neutered Bengal - I was thinking the EXACT same thing!


Q: when Mike is at Denny's, what does he have to drink with his "Moon Over My Hammy" (hint: think cheap!) ?


A: Water over the damn (must be free refills)

(waitress always asks him: Mr. Brown, would you like more water, or to be cursed for eternity?
Guess what Mike's answer is...)

To a point, he IS a visionary... He got this sweetheart deal -- one that no other NFL owner could manage to finagle. He managed to fuck all y'all -- and not only that, you guys actually like it and have asked: "Thank you sir, may I have another!

MBMBB had the 'great' vision to figure out how to 'hose' the hell out of Bengals fans, and not only get away with it, but have the City PAY him to do it! He's done all of this to the point that we have some people on here yapping about building an indoor practice facility -- which like everything else, has no bearing on the team or its players -- but it sure will cost money!

BTW. did Hobson actually write it: "...water over the damn..." If so, maybe he should take a remdial spelling course?
It is '...water over the dam...'

"I'd say what puts Mike Brown on an island in ownership mostly is his backward infrastructure and his ability to lose consistently in a league designed for parity." You forgot to add: "He screws over the city and county whilst doing it -- and whatsmore, the city and the county PAY him to do it even MORE often." He even managed to get a new stadium out of it and Cincinnatians (some) and Hamilton Countians (some) <--is that even a word?) knew this going in and bent over asking for more. How's that for chutzpah?

Wyatt, they are using 'monopoly' referring to the collective group, most people have no clue or never have heard of oligopoly -- though that is the more descriptively correct term.

Wyatt: given the fact that the structure of money flow in the NFL is based largely on revenue sharing, rather than direct competition between teams, the NFL is probably more accurately described as a cartel, not an oligopoly. Either way, your criticism is just another manifestation of your typically rigid and pedantic form.

Any one else find humor and, perhaps, the slightest bit of irony in WCH's spelling of "remedial"? Given the context, I find it telling.

Just saw that a tipster gave Roger Goodell's email address (presumably an annonymous/important account):

rskinner@nfl.net

Could be a good CC for correspondence with the Bungal Brown family.

link: http://deadspin.com/#!5785884/this-may-be-an-email-account-roger-goodell-only-gives-out-to-important-people

Of course the address has probably been obliterated to hell already by lockout frustated fans.

Oh, and WCH, if you would read the comments of others you would know that I checked and Hob did indeed use the wrong damn. Some people occasionally skim your comments, the least you could do is read ours.

I'm a visionary too.

MFB will vote against this CBA too. Because it takes something he does not have.

Compromise.

I'll also go on the record now for envisioning another busted ass high first round pick.

And the Bengals being equally inept during the regular and off seasons as long as mike breathes.

See, very visionary.

CJ,

I can see where you're coming from (does that make you rigid and pedantic as well, I wonder?), but I maintain that oligopoly is the more correct descriptor based simply on the fact that shared revenue doesn't cover all merchandising sales (Jerry Jones found a loophole in that), stadium concessions/parking, corporate/luxury boxes, and there are few other things I'm missing. Also, owners are free to set their own ticket prices and do not have to coordinate with, or receive approval from, any other owners. In truth, neither oligopoly or cartel or whatever is a very accurate descriptor for owning an NFL team; however, both are better suited than the much more commonly used monopoly. And, had you read my entire comment, you'd see that I mentioned that it was a personal peeve (and a minor one at that).

And yes, I found it laughable that WDR poet laureate wch was criticizing ANYONE'S spelling and/or grammar - at least when I do/did it, I have all my proverbial ducks in a row.

I'm looking forward to the draft.

They pick 4th. Which means less than 1 hour watching Mike Brown fuck it up. Watching teams trade up to grab a guy the Bungles need (how YOU doin' Sedric Ellis) then watching the Bengals take the next guy on "their board" (kind of like an etch a sketch) when they should clearly be trading down. (how you doin' Keith Rivers)

But the great part about the sports pimps, I mean ESPN's draft anal overload show this year, is that I have 3 picks to watch with interest, 1 pick to laugh my happy ass off, and 28 other picks to drink and call my buddies and bitch about.

MFB, I'm looking forward to the 2011 "draft up our shaft". Please don't break it off in yourself too bad.

But....... Draft time means I have to watch the Steelers, Patriots, and Ravens select and say.................. "nice pick".


New, on Kindle, and at the App Store!


"Water Over The Damn: The Mike Brown Saga"

Visionary, delusionary, six of one ...

A hotel is suing Missouri state Sen. Robin Wright-Jones over an unpaid tab for her 60th birthday party, claiming Capitol lobbyists picked up some — but not all — of the $6,000 cost.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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