I know you all have been sick with worry over me being non existent around here. Well that's just going to have to continue because the Bengals have lost my interest (Watching porn/drinking is currently a more rewarding endeavor). And you know what, as much as I enjoy football on Sundays, I will not miss watching the Bengals next year if there is a lockout. Think about it. When was the last time you derived any pleasure from this team. Like real honest to goodness "I had a great time watching that game" pleasure from this team. 2005 probably? And don't try to argue that we're all masochists anyway, so every thing the Bengals do is thoroughly enjoyable. Because that sir, is a vassal argument. Also, Roger Goodell is a dick, and here's to hoping that somehow (PLEASE ANGRY VENGEFUL GOD. I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH. BESIDES THAT GOLD PLATED HELICOPTER. OR THE ONE TIME I NEEDED $200K TO LEAVE CUBA WITH BOTH MY EYES. THIS I REALLY AM PRAYING FOR) he mangles the public aspect of the negotiations to the point where the casual football fans (i.e. idiots and/or 50% of America) actually see him as the problem, as well as the owners of course, and not the gleaming beacon of light that everyone in America is so hellbent on making him out to be. Take for example that insane commercial before the Super Bowl where him and a bunch of players and other people read the whole constitution. That was some subliminal bullshit that probably swayed 50% of America to now think of him as a patriot and wonderful person. De Smith needs to come out with some real attack ads. Something in black and white with bold letters telling everyone that the Owners are trying to take the NFL from you just because their enormous slice of the money pie is not cutting it for them. And then show Mike Brown beating up an old lady and throwing her off a cliff. I don't know, I'm just thinking something along those lines would get people's attention. I guess what I'm driving at is what I said already. Roger Goodell and the owners are evil money hungry sons of bitches.
Also, Tommy Craggs at Deadspin spells it out a lot better than I do.
Mikey-zilla calls his right hand "Proctor"
and his left hand "Gamble"
Posted by: Hofbraunow | February 21, 2011 at 07:29 PM
If I were DeMaurice and I were hell-bent on showing just how evil the owners are, I'd make a simple , black-and-white commercial that spells out how the players get nothing if there's no season next year, and then the cut each owner will get of the DirectTV pie next year, whether or not there's a season. Without stadium upkeep (something less unsavory owners actually have to worry about), player salaries, etc, that money is almost pure profit. Finish with a nice tag line ("The owners will get their money no matter what next year; will you get your football?"), intercut with some pictures of Mike Brown, Ralph Wilson, Bud Adams (possibly flipping off the Bills), and Al "Walking Dead" Davis, and you've got yourself a serious propaganda piece.
Oh, and one thing Craggs doesn't take into consideration while ripping Penis Kong's Goodell anecdote? That same situation could easily happen at nearly any bar in western Pennsylvania TODAY, so I don't have a hard time believing a drunken patron flashed a gun at a black student and told the bartender to get him out. Although looking at Goodell and the somewhat-uneven keel his punishments have been meted out with, I wouldn't be surprised if Craggs' hypothetical situation actually did play out that way (with Goodell and the drunk taking the offending minority out behind the bar and beating him senseless).
Posted by: Wyatt | February 21, 2011 at 07:58 PM
I like the Mike-zilla, but Fat Bastard fits the bill on so many levels. "GET IN MY BELLY!"
Posted by: Major Payne | February 22, 2011 at 10:54 AM
Mike Beelzebrown. OK? OK! And while so many players in the NFL are absolute standout douches it's hard to side with them. But given the owners are being the douchiest of douches in this whole bru-ha-ha, I'd have to agree, I'm actually siding a little more with labor over management on this one. But in reality, given that we're in the deepest recession in many o' generations, billionaires pi$$ing around with millionaires about who's going to get what and if they don't get theirs, well screw you guys, sounds like they're all in a big huge barrel of douchiness to me. Screw them and play football. God damn, how much do you have to overcharge for tickets, hot dogs and beer at the stadium before you're sated like a drunken pimp? There are no heroes in this flap, they're all bastards.
Your most humble and loyal servant,
Dixonator
P.S. I long for the relief death will bring!
Posted by: Dixonator | February 22, 2011 at 02:22 PM
Less money, but still more than enough. That must be remembered. It must also be known that a lockout would probably affect him less than it would most other teams -- a side 'benefit' to managing the teams financially, how he does.
That being said, if the lockout were to go to a second year, then it flip-flops and he is really hurting. But then again, I've never seen a lockout go to two seasons. I have seen a portion of a season wiped out, not a full one or two-seasons worth. So, I'd say that the ball was in his court. Oh, and it would be a perfect time from him to build an indoor practice facility! hehehehe
Posted by: wch | February 23, 2011 at 01:00 AM
wch,
Again, you are incorrect. The DirectTV money is guaranteed, so he's getting a slice of that huge payday no matter how many seasons are missed under the current contract (which I believe runs through 2014). Plus, because the county is responsible for stadium upkeep and whatnot at PBS, and because he employs a skeleton crew (nearly all of whom are related), you could make the argument that Mike Brown is probably in the best position of any owner in the NFL for a multiple-season lockout.
Posted by: Wyatt | February 23, 2011 at 06:58 AM
Most, not all, of the other owners have something else to focus thier attention on in the event of a lockout. The timing of this could be the perfect storm of the NFL losing popularity from the lockout, while simultaneously, Bengals fans are dropping season tickets in droves. They have plenty of money in "the family" but I am sure the Denny's waitress will be seeing less money under the ketchup.
Posted by: Cwoodson2401 | February 23, 2011 at 03:25 PM
@ Cwoodson2401: So you're saying Mikey tips? Who'd have, who'd have, who'd have thought Mikey tips the waitress?
Posted by: Leo DiTrotskyo | February 24, 2011 at 10:57 AM
GAIT EEN MAH BAILEEH!!!
Posted by: Hofbraunow | March 03, 2011 at 07:58 PM
(gets up, flipping furniture) GOJIRRAH?!?!?
Posted by: Hofbraunow | March 03, 2011 at 08:05 PM
indeed, right above CloverFront Stadium,
doin' the can-can
Posted by: Das Krapital | March 03, 2011 at 08:11 PM
Most, not all, of the other owners have something else to focus thier attention on in the event of a lockout. The timing of this could be the perfect storm of the NFL losing popularity from the lockout, while simultaneously, Bengals fans are dropping season tickets in droves. They have plenty of money in "the family" but I am sure the Denny's waitress will be seeing less money under the ketchup.
Posted by: Cheap Coach Purses | May 27, 2011 at 02:19 AM
Last month marked “World Suicide Prevention Day.” Ceremonies, walks and other events were held. Many articles were written and on September 10th, several members in our community posted about their admirable efforts to strengthen prevention and expand awareness.
Posted by: Justin Bieber Supra | December 03, 2011 at 04:01 AM