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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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February 21, 2011

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Mikey-zilla calls his right hand "Proctor"
and his left hand "Gamble"

If I were DeMaurice and I were hell-bent on showing just how evil the owners are, I'd make a simple , black-and-white commercial that spells out how the players get nothing if there's no season next year, and then the cut each owner will get of the DirectTV pie next year, whether or not there's a season. Without stadium upkeep (something less unsavory owners actually have to worry about), player salaries, etc, that money is almost pure profit. Finish with a nice tag line ("The owners will get their money no matter what next year; will you get your football?"), intercut with some pictures of Mike Brown, Ralph Wilson, Bud Adams (possibly flipping off the Bills), and Al "Walking Dead" Davis, and you've got yourself a serious propaganda piece.

Oh, and one thing Craggs doesn't take into consideration while ripping Penis Kong's Goodell anecdote? That same situation could easily happen at nearly any bar in western Pennsylvania TODAY, so I don't have a hard time believing a drunken patron flashed a gun at a black student and told the bartender to get him out. Although looking at Goodell and the somewhat-uneven keel his punishments have been meted out with, I wouldn't be surprised if Craggs' hypothetical situation actually did play out that way (with Goodell and the drunk taking the offending minority out behind the bar and beating him senseless).

I like the Mike-zilla, but Fat Bastard fits the bill on so many levels. "GET IN MY BELLY!"

Mike Beelzebrown. OK? OK! And while so many players in the NFL are absolute standout douches it's hard to side with them. But given the owners are being the douchiest of douches in this whole bru-ha-ha, I'd have to agree, I'm actually siding a little more with labor over management on this one. But in reality, given that we're in the deepest recession in many o' generations, billionaires pi$$ing around with millionaires about who's going to get what and if they don't get theirs, well screw you guys, sounds like they're all in a big huge barrel of douchiness to me. Screw them and play football. God damn, how much do you have to overcharge for tickets, hot dogs and beer at the stadium before you're sated like a drunken pimp? There are no heroes in this flap, they're all bastards.
Your most humble and loyal servant,
Dixonator
P.S. I long for the relief death will bring!

Less money, but still more than enough. That must be remembered. It must also be known that a lockout would probably affect him less than it would most other teams -- a side 'benefit' to managing the teams financially, how he does.

That being said, if the lockout were to go to a second year, then it flip-flops and he is really hurting. But then again, I've never seen a lockout go to two seasons. I have seen a portion of a season wiped out, not a full one or two-seasons worth. So, I'd say that the ball was in his court. Oh, and it would be a perfect time from him to build an indoor practice facility! hehehehe

wch,

Again, you are incorrect. The DirectTV money is guaranteed, so he's getting a slice of that huge payday no matter how many seasons are missed under the current contract (which I believe runs through 2014). Plus, because the county is responsible for stadium upkeep and whatnot at PBS, and because he employs a skeleton crew (nearly all of whom are related), you could make the argument that Mike Brown is probably in the best position of any owner in the NFL for a multiple-season lockout.

Most, not all, of the other owners have something else to focus thier attention on in the event of a lockout. The timing of this could be the perfect storm of the NFL losing popularity from the lockout, while simultaneously, Bengals fans are dropping season tickets in droves. They have plenty of money in "the family" but I am sure the Denny's waitress will be seeing less money under the ketchup.

@ Cwoodson2401: So you're saying Mikey tips? Who'd have, who'd have, who'd have thought Mikey tips the waitress?

GAIT EEN MAH BAILEEH!!!


(gets up, flipping furniture) GOJIRRAH?!?!?

indeed, right above CloverFront Stadium,
doin' the can-can

Most, not all, of the other owners have something else to focus thier attention on in the event of a lockout. The timing of this could be the perfect storm of the NFL losing popularity from the lockout, while simultaneously, Bengals fans are dropping season tickets in droves. They have plenty of money in "the family" but I am sure the Denny's waitress will be seeing less money under the ketchup.

Last month marked “World Suicide Prevention Day.” Ceremonies, walks and other events were held. Many articles were written and on September 10th, several members in our community posted about their admirable efforts to strengthen prevention and expand awareness.


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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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