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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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February 18, 2011

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Im wondering if this was one of Marvin's demands.

I'm thinking it is an attempt to placate Palmer.

"Calling Dr. Bombay, calling Dr. Bombay. Emergency! Come right away!" (He's a warlock. He can fix anything!)

Mr. Miagi did not return Mike Brown's calls.

I would suspect that the old geezer retired thus leaving MFB no choice but to replace him. Gee, I hope the 1 scout or his 3 part time consultants who when their ages are added equal to around 300 years old retire cause their expertise cannot be matched by anyone who attempts it.


Dr. Kevorkian has been offered a job with the bengals.

I saw your Simpsons art work here and I laughed. Last night as I sat watching the Simpsons it hit me that Mike Brown and Montgomery Burns share the same initials. Now, I am not sure and maybe it has been brought up here before. But I wondered if Mike Brown and Montgomery Burns shared more than just initials. So I perused Montgomery Burns Wikipedia page. Here is what I found. I have changed Montgomery Burns name to Mike Brown and I have changed the locations from Springfield to Cincinnati. (ALL CHANGES I MADE ARE IN ALL CAPS)

Everything else is verbatum from Monty Burns wikipedia page.

"MB is the intensely evil owner of the CINCINNATI BENGALS and is MARVIN LEWIS's boss.

MB is a stereotype of Corporate America in his unquenchable desire to increase his own wealth and power, his inability to remember his employees' names, despite frequent interactions and lack of concern for their safety and well-being. Reflecting his extreme age, MB is given to expressing dated humor, making references to pre-1950 popular culture, and aspiring to apply obsolete technology to everyday life...

...MB is CINCINNATI's richest and most powerful citizen; his current net worth has been given as $1.3 billion[1] by Forbes, though it fluctuates wildly depending on the season. He uses his power and wealth to do whatever he wants, usually without regard for consequences and without interference from the authorities. These qualities led Wizard Magazine to rate him the 45th greatest villain of all time."

...MB resides in a vast, ornate mansion on an immense estate...

...MB routinely subjects CINCINNATI and its residents to his abuse and, as a result, there is a general dislike of him throughout the town...

...MB still believes a nickel will buy "a steak and kidney pie, a cup of coffee, a slice of cheesecake and a newsreel, with enough change left over to ride the trolley from Battery Park to the polo grounds.”[11]

...MB's' state of mind is the subject of frequent jokes...At times, he appears to be completely removed from reality and modern conventions. He continually fails to recognize BENGAL PLAYERS or remember their names...He (MB) also displays mannerisms which are considered outdated..."

I have to ask...Twin sons from different mothers?

excelllllent

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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