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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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January 24, 2011


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I think Carson can still be a bit more than "servicable"; if he was able to get the hell out of Cincinnati's football hellhole, he could win a Super Bowl in the right situation. It would have to be a team with a great offensive line because he's immobile as a statue. But still he can fling the long passes with the best of 'em... I think he can go back to putting up impressive Yards Per Attempt numbers with the right team and that's the way a lot of teams won the Super Bowl.

Mike Brown will never say something like that because he will never ever ever ever get that opportunity to say it.

Though if by some miracle of God he's up on that podium, you're right he wouldn't say anything remotely close to that.

My level of disgust is at an all-time high. Maybe cuz I'm out here in PA surrounded by assholes celebrating another trip to the show. Maybe not. But I really fucking hate management right now.

quit preaching it to the choir and tell it to the people who got us stuck in this mess.

Jason Buck --

I am currently constructing a letter to Mike Brown and much of it's contents are what you put in this article. I hope that you don't mind of I continue to use "our" ideas. Once I complete the letter I will post it.

I actually said this earlier today. I called yesterday the worst day as a Bengals fan that I have ever experienced. We saw our once prized, franchise QB sound defeated and never fulfilled the dreams that we all had for him when he was drafted. We then saw our most hated archrivals head to the Super Bowl. Then, both situations culminated with all of us realizing how far away our team is from hoisting the Lamar Hunt trophy, much less the Lombardi. The saddest thing is, talent-wise the Bengals aren't far off from many of the good teams in the NFL. Obviously they need upgrades at certain positions, but this isn't the roster that the Bengals sported circa 1993. It's the attitude throughout the organization, the lack of accountability, the lack of front office personnel and the absence of a long-term plan. I've gone from anxious, to relieved, to anger and now am teetering on apathy.

Honestly, are any of us truly surprised that Carson is asking for a trade? This has happened with EVERY good player this franchise has had under Mike Brown. And, kudos to Palmer for bringing this to the media (in a polite and professional way unlike Chad) and requesting necessary changes from Mike Brown that the fans and coaches want.

@luda: paul.brown is dead, isn't he?

lucky for him, in a way, since he doesn't have to watch the craptastic circus that his son has created.

How low can they go?
I don't see how Carson stays. Ochocinco, TO and Benson gone. Brat stays.

End result is 1990's v 2.0

That's Mike's son Paul - he's got some type of position/responsibility within the organization.

A non-story.

First, Palmer didn't say he would retire. He said he would "consider" retiring. "Consider" is a classic weasel word. No one walks away from $50M. No one.

Second, Brown won't back down. You knew that. But the Bengals won't do well next season with a QB who doesn't want to be there. But then, you knew that, too.

So everyone just relax. Nothing changes in BengalLand. Nothing.

Didn't Dave Chappelle walk away from $50 million?


i think the time is right for project mayhem #10!

what is it?

1) a message to carson to stand firm?
2) having a movie marathon night and being charged up afterwards like marvin?
3) paul brown's ghost does a press conference on fountain square pleading for his son to change?
4)mike brown burnt in effigy on fountain square?
5)marching to mike brown's house with pitchforks and torches (is that legal?)?

1) Carson could go to the Super Bowl with the right team. Rex Grossman went to the Super Bowl. Trent Dilfer WON a Super Bowl. Heck, I wouldn't say Brad Johnson was anything greater than Carson Palmer. This stuff CAN be done.

2) I thought about this in context with a friend of mine who once had a job he really liked until the company hired an absolute made him not value the job anymore. He thought he could wear his job title with pride but once he saw this incompetent moron getting- and holding- his job with the company, it really didn't mean anything anymore. His work ethic just plummeted from there.

That's how I feel about the lining up of the 10th anniversary of Brat's hiring, the Steelers (UGH!) going back to the SB and Palmer's ultimatum. Only two OC/DCs in the league other than Brat have been on the job longer than '06 (and Lebeau's Bengals experience sabotaged his chance of ever getting an interview for HC). That's because good coordinators get a promotion, bad coordinators get fired. This all happens WELL before ten years. Yet Brat accomplishes nothing, gets no interest or interviews from other organizations, the team just keeps him and keeps on keeping on.

Why would I want to give my all in a situation like that? Yeah, Carson's not an elite QB but the mind boggles that he would even TRY to be an elite QB in a situation like that. I know I wouldn't. I'd either retire or just collect my check on as little effort as possible. After all, this other idiot hasn't been fired.....

@eric -- yes, and straight into a psych ward.

At the end of this entry the question was asked: "Think Mike Brown would ever say something like that?" In response, I am betting all my money that Mikey Boy would say one of the most awkward things you could say in that position, just because whenever he has spoken into a camera he has sounded like the most awkward, idiotic human being on Earth. But lets be realistic, Mikey Boy would never get this franchise in that position in the first place.

Your comment about Palmer never being an "upper-echelon" QB is ignorant. You forget, he used to be compared to Brady and Manning. As we saw when they played the Chargers this year, he still has "it".

If he was the QB this year for the Ravens, Jets, or even the Eagles, he'd be going to the Super Bowl.

Palmer should tell mikey that he is the new OC. t
That he will call his own plays!! And if mikey doesnt like it, cut him!

@ Huckle Cat - Couldn't disagree more on your upper-echelon comment. Please list the dates of Carson Palmer's playoff wins.

This is a problem we have in Cincinnati, not looking at things objectively. He did have a good game against the Chargers in December, that does not prove he still has 'it'. In the right system, yes Carson Palmer can win some games. But he will never QB a consistent winner in the NFL.

He is a middle of the road NFL QB.

The difference between the Bengals and the Steelers: Mike Brown vs. Dan Rooney.

@Ghost of Boomer - Fine to disagree, but seriously, playoff wins without a Lombardi at the end are useless numbers, and it makes you sound like douchebag Ravens fan acting as if Flacco has rings. (How many times was Flacco a pro bowl MVP? Here's a hint - One less time than "average" Palmer.)

If playoff wins with no ring really mattered, Donovan McNabb would still be in Philadelphia.

Carson's demands will include:

* As ChipFrom Tipp has mentioned,
Carson will call his own plays. Furthurmore,

* The offense will *not* be run from the shotgun, if the temperature runs below 30 degrees. Furthurmore, under such conditions, the center *will* be required to wear electric boxers underneath his uniform, and to endure especially long snap counts if deemed necessary by Carson (this will be known as the Ice Bowl Clause)

* Carson will be equipped with a special 'Gatorade Snob Party Helmet' version, of the standard issue Bengals uniform helmet, which features two 32oz bottles of Gatorade, strapped to each side with electrical tape. This new helmet will play an important role, in the guaging of the new OL's effectiveness:

i.e. if so much as one drop of Carson's snobby Gatorade (expertly, snobbily, and otherwise custom-mixed, to Carson's very fickle, and brutally uncompromising tastebuds) is lost to the turf, due to bumping or cajoling defenders,

then the entire OL *will* be required to consume their plain ol' regular-flavored gatorade (lemon-lime or orange), in powdered form *only (although they will be allowed to mix it with their own sweat wrung from their jerseys at halftime, and/or the end of the game)* .

These are the extent of Carson's demands, and as such are not unreasonable, and therefore will be honored by Mike Brown and the rest of the team.

Look for these changes in the upcoming 2011 season (unless no new CBA is reached).

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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