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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« How long have the Bengals been giving fans false hope? | Main | Katie Blackburn Knows How to Copy + Paste (Sort of) »

January 11, 2011

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TO be quite honest, I think Katie had this message typed up already and copies and pastes it to every e-mail she recieves. I got the same exact response after I e-mailed her asking her for a good reason as to why I should by season tickets in 2011 (in all reality i had no desire to buy tickets just thought it would encourage her to write back.) So, this personally responding to e-mails thing looks to be a failure just like their business operations.

Yeah make that two people who got that response, word-for-word

And, as for her last sentence:

Who dey?

Just about everyone, Katie.

Please tell me that you guys don't actually think that Katie is checking and replying to these emails. It is absolutely a canned response, sent out by some high school co-op student that Mike Brown forces to use a refurbished Commodore 64 and pays in day old coffee cake and gift cards to Hot Topic.

Hi, I'm WCH,

Allow me to bitch about Mike Brown. [This is me bitching about Mike Brown]. [This is me bitching about Mike Brown some more]. [And some more]. [Bitch, Bitch, Bitch]. [Moan, Moan, Moan].

Okay, now that I have that out of the way, and you all know how much I think Mike "Insert Stupid Nickname Here" Brown is a terrible GM, it's very important that the rest of you know in no uncertain terms that you have no right whatsoever to bitch about MISNHB. You see, you had your chance. You might have been 15. Maybe you weren't a resident of Hamilton County. When the residents of Hamilton County agreed to give MISNHB a new stadium in the 90's it was understood that every fan will have forfeited their right to express their displeasure with the Front Office on an internet blog forever -- except me, of cours (that would be stupid). I can say whatever I want. Don't ask me why. That's just how it is.

Anyway, why bitch about about MISNHB? He's gonna do what he wants. You can bitch and moan all day and nothing will change. You're pushing a wall, so you need to STOP NOW! It's so stupid of you to continue.

Meanwhile, you guys continue to bitch about MISNHB on this site despite my reminding you that you have been cosmically barred from doing so for eternity. But don't worry. I will come back every day and remind you of this. I will keep doing it. And doing it. You'll change. I'm sure of it.

Oh, and I have one testicle.

Yours Truly,

What a Cockgobbling Hypocrite (WCH)

Saved template message. I'm sure they send it to anyone interested in season tickets (though I wonder why it says nothing about how much that would cost).

I really wish that instead of saying 'we have an easier schedule this year,' the ownership team would take steps to make sure we would challenge for a playoff spot regardless of how our schedule is. Do the Colts complain about having a tough schedule?...no, they go out and make the playoffs despite it! Same with the Patriots, Ravens, and Steelers. And the Colts didn't give injuries as an excuse for anything, they went out and made the playoffs despite all their injuries. When will ownership understand that they can set themselves up to overcome the obstacles they complain about?
...
Why did I just ask a question I know the answer to? The owner will never figure it out if he hasn't already. And that is the whole problem with the Bengals.

It's just weird to have a canned response also include something specifically addressing the snarky tone of the email sent.

If you have gotten this response by emailing Katie Blackburn please forward to whodeyrevolution-at-gmail-dot-com please.

Matt C --

Two words for you, sir: excellent work.

I recieved something different because i called mike charlie brown ill forward it to you.

What's up with this:

"With all due respect your interest and comfort in sending messages that show little decorum and all negativity don't shine a very good light on you. You can perpetually be negative but that is an easy and not very respectable approach to life."

Did Katie write that? Seriously I need to know.


Priceless Matt.

I wonder if the guy goes to environmental blogs and tells them nothing can be done about pollution, it's too late, you had your chance, why try. Oh and you have no right to bitch so shut up I don't want to hear it.

Can we make Daniel Tosh an honorary member of the Revolution? He just had a Web Redemption with Antoine Dodson (the "Hide your kids, hide your wife"/"Bed Intruder Song" guy) and it finished with Daniel being "raped" by the Ben.


@ Matt C:

[ standing up, slowly clapping,
now drowned out by the entire room clapping ]

Yes Matt, excellent work. And I know it's early, but your premptive strategy seems to be working since "What a Cockgobbling Hypocrite " hasn't put up a 6000 word comment........YET.

You guys are doing an excellent job of mocking wch, and I applaud you (as that was an excellent bit of satire Matt C), but does anyone honestly get the impression that when wch sees/reads a news story about a woman getting raped, he's one of those assholes that says/thinks "Well, the bitch probably deserved it"? Because I definitely get that vibe.

nice post, so kind of you for your sharing.

I want Katie's email address!

I iwish to make a wager with Katie, If the bengals go 7-9 or better she must make a 1 months paycheck donation to WDR. If they go 6-10 or worse in 2011 i will donate 1 months pay anywhere she wants.

In game publishing the majority of work is either developed in-house or commissioned, and it tends to be the case that the ideas that drive that work are internally generated. Original ideas only come from the outside if their creator has a very long track record or if the game is already a proven success in some other format.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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