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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« Nice | Main | Mike Brown: "You Are Stuck With Me" »

December 06, 2010


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It is very funny to me that someone can rationalize spending their hard earned dollars on a Bengals tix and wear/take a Paul (Derby or whatever it is) / Mike (Brown bag), just amazing. Would LOVE (read: be extremely exxasperated by) an explanation of that.
That guy represents us every time we play on TV, especially during prime time. SO the wife watches 16 and pregnant all the time (Uggh, spare me I know) and I oblige to watch with her sometimes as requested. They had this episode where the girl is from the Greater Cincy Area, and all I could think was, "Fuck, this is how we look to the nation, like a fat ugly highlands high school idiot, and her fat ugly UK gear wearin baby daddy, great."
This is how I feel about this guy. As pathetic as the Jets "fireman" guy without as much psycho fervor or necessary success.

Come on SWB, I fully intend to rip into you supporting buying season tickets.

Sadly, I was expecting to see many more of those shirts or the fire Brat shirts. Didn't see more than a couple.

The atmosphere at the games has changed. Sure, people cheer, but the outcome of the game does not seem to matter. People just don't care as much it seems.

What some people don't understand is that sometimes extraordinary measures are called when an undercover cop has to take drugs to avoid a blown cover...

What is seen here may seem counter-intuitive, until WDR shirt guy is witnessed in the same frame as #1-douche-wannabe-guy... : ) : ) : )

that is both beautiful and priceless

btw, blackout schmackout; I watched it on a webstream...but in hindsight, as is often the case,
I don't know why I bothered... :(

Looks like Yahoo! Sports noticed the latest Bungle as well.

You get what you pay for.

What happened to the orange Storm Trooper that used to show up at all the games?

Mike Brown has stopped the entrance of the orange storm trooper guy into PBS for copyright infringement. Mike inherited an NFL team whose colors include orange and he will not allow some guy to deface his teams integrity and ability to win in the stands while wearing a different uniform (storm trooper) in the color orange.

It appears, only members of the inherited NFL team on the field wearing the uniforms selected for them including the color orange can deface the team and it's integrity and inability to win.

The Bengals were "masterfully-baited" into jumping off sides by the saints.

They are master baiters.

Mike Brown masterfully-baits us into financially supporting his team every year without altering the way he does business.

MFB is also a master baiter.

The taxpayers of Hamilton county, the city, and the fans?

Just the master's clean up towel.

"What happened to the orange Storm Trooper that used to show up at all the games?"

Well, Brian, I'll tell you...he was born from a tree in Florida, in a galaxy far, far, away, and then he came to PBS, and got busted for Chewin' George Lucas Chocolate:

(btw, GibB Haynes is not flipping you off, he's flipping me off....for admitting that he's flipping me off)

ahem, he was busted for Chewin' George Lucas' Chocolate:

And I quote:

'Holy crap, Pat Sims' indeed

Maybe he got the tickets free.

WhoDeyFans wrote:

"The atmosphere at the games has changed. Sure, people cheer, but the outcome of the game does not seem to matter. People just don't care as much it seems."

WhoDeyFans, that's because Mike Brown is the Grinch Who stole Cincinnati, and the people at those games are from Who-Ville (aka Cincinnati Gardens),

as opposed to Burgerville (which was located at Crosley Field, though now exists only in our hearts)...Burgervillians would never stand for Mike Brown's shennanigans...and neither should we...

...Beer Summit *not* required;
Beerhall Putsch not really practical,
because some failed artist ruined it...

"Maybe he got the tickets free."

And, maybe he blasted a bunch of rebels, for a certain Sith-lord (and for the Emperor of course)...

...yeah, he got them free allright...

...these rebels just happened to have tickets, and so he 'got' them from their fried rebel Franklin Planners (the most likely explanation)

...And, maybe we'd all like to twiddle Princess Leia's futuristic side-knob/hair-buns,
instead of any Tokyo-tuners...(the least relevant possibility)

Did I say 'futuristic'?

I meant primitive, exotic, ancient, and antiquated...

...kinda like the Bengals at the Superbowl

For me, it's NEVER been the cost, it has been the content -- 'bagging' MBB and 'hatting' PB when the reality PB wasn't a better coach/GM either in the command of the Bengals. Want to criticize both of them, go ahead -- that would be both truthful and apporpriate -- but honest-to-God, quit trying to make it look like Paul Brown was a saint with the Bengals -- he was a moron of the first order.

But considering that this comes from people who were nothing but big babies (I want my teaaammmmmmm WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!), I shouldn't expect any different.

We need a new team owner and an indoor practice facility!!!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I want to hear Carson Palmer say it,
say it at a press conference:

Holy crap, Pat Sims

It'll prolly go something like this, "I'm frustrated; it's my fault that HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS"

T.O.(takes sunglasses off):

Let me look you in the eyes.


We find ways to HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

It's not fai- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

We lost as a te- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

JFK: Ask not what your country can- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Patrick Henry: Give me liberty or- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain: This document means peace for our- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Winston Churchill: We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in a house with a mouse, we will fight them in a box with a fox, we will HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

FDR: today is a day which will live in HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

FDR (again): the only thing we have to fear is HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Ronald Reagan: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Marvin Gaye: And when I get that fee- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Little Richard: Good Golly Miss HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Sly & the Family Stone: I 1 2 thank you fa lettin' mee bee mice elf HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS


The Waltons: Good night John-Boy...Good night Jim-Bob...Good night gramp- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Mick Jagger: I see a red door and I want to HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

H.A.L. (from 2001: A Space Odyssey): I'm afraid I can't do HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

David Bowie: This is ground control to Major HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Dr. Seuss: One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue F- HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

Shel Silverstein: And the tree was HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS

'I am tired', said the boy


From the movie, "Carson the Barbarian"

Subotai: "He is Carson, Captaimmerian. He will not cry, so I cry for him. HOLY CRAP, PAT SIMS"

The storm trooper guy sits in section 128 and was there this sunday as always.

An interesting video about Arthur Blank and the job he's done with the Falcons for the past decade, despite the Vick/Petrino fiascos.

The money line: "I try to surround myself with people frankly who are smarter than me, brighter than me, and then just get out of their way and let them do their jobs."

The Falcons are 10-2. The Bengals are 2-10. The Falcons have 3 consecutive winning seasons now dating to 2008. The Bengals haven't had 3 winning seasons in a row since 1975-1977. Juuuuust saying.


Ah, but they did have FOUR consecutive NON-LOSING SEASONS from 2003-2006. Arthur Blank WISHES he could say that.

Okay, no, he probably doesn't, but remember when 2003 and 2004 were seen as a sign that things were changing? Isn't is sad now, looking back, that an entire fandom could get so excited for simple mediocrity?

Now, I wonder, what are we supposed to take away from the Redskins' Haynesworth Fiasco?

That it's smart to spend cheap on players?

Or, that it's dumb to spend tons on sucky players?

Should we feel better about the Antonio Bryant screwup now?

'The storm trooper guy sits in section 128 and was there this sunday as always."

The [orange-and-black] storm trooper guy also posted here yesterday : )

Holy crap

They would have lost anyway

Holy crap

Mike brown has been losing since Pat Sims' dick was smaller than his son Katie's.

Holy crap you are a fuck tool

Holy crap

Holy crap

Holy crap, dude we are all grown ups here. Quit sounding like a Mormon and just say "holy shit"

What we should learn from Albert is that he is still 10 times better than our best defensive player and that he will be available for well below fair market value.

However since Mike Fucking Brown doesn't believe his own bullshit.

Because his bullshit is a bullshit excuse not to spend money, then we won't get anywhere near him.

Make sense?

Holy crap, yes, and now I've got to get back to my Mormon wives, and try to deal with that strange underwear they have to wear

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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