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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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November 12, 2010

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if marvin is a lame duck coach, which he probably is, then a smart organization would recognize zimmer as a potential candidate, and give him an opportunity to coach some this season (let marvin go in the next couple weeks if you're not going to offer an extension). it makes perfect sense - you actually have an opportunity to see what he can do for the team, despite the games not meaning anything. but of course, mike brown will honor marvin's contract.

also - this is going to be a weird situation after the season. usually coaches get fired, its not very often that they just walk away from a head coach position. its not like he's leaving to take another job. he's probably so sick of dealing with MB, he'd rather be unemployed. i've never seen that situation for a HC position in the NFL.

could you imagine how awkward it would be to sit in front of mike brown and listen to him tell you that you are being fired because of a poor job performance? uhhhh.....

It does not matter who the coach is, the MFB bengals will never succeed for more than a half of a year in a given at a time. Very, very short term success.

They have no foundation to build a longstanding winning team/organization.

The New York Football Giants are now into there third GM in over thirty years that practice and maintain the same philosophy.

1.Pass rush
2.Pass block
3.Good QB

Then build out from there. It is very simple yet so hard for so many to grasp.

If in fact it is Marvin's last year there will be a handshake and comments from MFB that sound something like this.

Marvin is a good coach and a good man whom I really admire but, after discussions he and I felt parting ways would be best for him and our team at this time. I wish him all the best in his future.

Where we go from here is back to not paying much attention to the shitty product in Paul Brown Stadium.
Unless you guys want to crank up Project Mayhem again there's not much to say.

Get the FASTEST TO 200 LOSSES billboard up, etc.

Nobody commented on HippoPottaSmith breaking his fat-ass foot again.
Another Mike Brown "BrainTrust" draft bust special.

Die,
I dug Moe Egger's analysis on Hippapotasmith:
http://1530homer.com/pages/mo.html

"Most people with broken feet don't run or do anything that you could consider exercise. When Andre Smith doesn't exercise, he eats. When Andre Smith eats, he doesn't just eat, he gorges himself. Then he weighs a lot. Then he can't play football. That's not good."

It has been a while since I posted but I want to comment on your points about Marvin.

Two years ago when Mike Brown wanted to resign Chris Henry, Marvin was dead against it and let everyone including the meda know it. I do not remember his quote but it was amounted to something like "over my dead body". Marvin then went out of town on a short vacation and while he was gone Mike resigned Chris and Marvin learned about it from news reports. Needless to say Marvin was furiouse. Marvin then called Mike and quite. He told Mike that "pay me for one of my two years left on my contract and I will leave resign". Of coarse we all know there is no way Mike would pay a guy not to work, so Mike refused. Marvin, still pissed off then was set to resign on the spot. It took Katie & Troy pleading with Marvin to keep him. At that moment, two years ago Marvin made the decision that he did not want this job anymore. He feels that he can get a defensive cordinators job, make close to the same money and not have to deal with Mike Brown. This is a true store and confirmed to me by other very high ranking people in the Bengals orginization.

Now, know this history you can understand why there has been no contract extention for Marvin. The simple truth is he does not care if Mike offers him an extention or not. He might not sign one if offered. If you Marvins comments about a contract at the end of last year, knowing the story above it all comes into clear view.

I hate to be that grammar guy but........

lose = not win

loose = needs to be tightened.

Sorry to bring it up but its distracting to the reader.

@Theme-Creator: The only thing missing for your story is: "He feels he can get a defensive coordinators job, make close to the same money, not have to deal with Mike Brown, and actually have a real shot to win the Super Bowl"

Yeah if I was Marvin I'd quit the hellhole that is Bengals football, too.

I hate to tell you guys this, but Marvin is part of the problem. Yeah, there are personnel issues, but can you honestly say that they ought not be much better than 2-5 (2-6 tomorrow - they are going to get smoked tomorrow).

I am interested in what direction they go in the draft. If there is mercifully no season next year, what do they do with two drafts? Do they get a new quarterback and cut Palmer. Can they keep Palmer when his exorbitant salary is preventing them from signing their cornerbacks?

Man, they piss me off. Why does it always have to be like this?

Marvin should have walked a few years ago. During the hard knocks show you could see he was just going through the motions knowing that the team is as it is and will always be with MFB.

Because they run the team as they do off the field they get what the deserve on the field and that is just enough to get by win or lose. It's attitude and respect that is lacking throughout the organization because of MFB and it is why Chad last week wore gold shoes in the game only to get fined $20,000. It's why TO gets fined tweeting 1 hour before kickoff. It's why players go out and get in trouble.

The players do what they want to do knowing that there are no expectations of them on or off the field.

What I am getting at is without a plan, a strategy, attitude, respect, and expectations to carry it out, you cannot build and maintain a successful team.

@Rich: Why are you interested in their draft picks? Do you also like watching car wrecks on the side of the road?

After being treated to decades worth of Lamar Rogers (#2), David Klingler (#1), Steve Tovars (#3), Melvin "Rootin" Tutens (#3), Marco Battaglias (#2), Akili Smiths (#1), Sean Brewers (#3), Lamont Thompsons (#2), Keiwan Ratliffs (#2), Jerome Simpsons (#2), and Chase Coffmans (#3).... why would anyone still think the draft is gonna fetch something good and that finally the Bengals are going to turn a corner.

They've still got the same lack of scouts as 20 years ago.

In Cincinnati Draft Day = Groundhog Day


Yes Marvin is part of the problem but compared to everyone who came before him he was an improvement. That's not an endorsement of Lewis. It's charge number eighty seven in the indictment of the asshat "general manager".

The only thing interesting about the Bengals is how long can they suck before fans truly stop caring and filling the stadium and Mike Brown's pockets. Unlike other cities, Cincinnati has a high masochism quotient.

Die,
I mostly agree with you. I do understand that the Bengals have a history of shitty draft picks and good draft picks who are Bengalized (Palmer). It's just interesting to see where they go. Do they Bengals with their 2-4 pick have the stones to pick Cam Newton?
When you say that Marvin is an improvement compared to those who came before him, are you suggesting that is good enough? I am totally convinced at this point that Marvin is an uneffective coach. Watch Rex Ryan talk to players on the side and then watch how Marvin is quiet and expressionless throughout each and every game.
How long can the Bengals suck before fans no longer care? At this point, after 42 years, what makes you think that point in time exists?

Rich,

My scouts (ESPN) are reporting that Cam Newton is knee deep in controversy. There are red flags all over the place. Let's hope this diamond in the rough falls to us in April! Championship!

_Mike

The problem is with regards to the draft we dont have the common sense to draft a smart position. Most of our busts come from reaching, neglecting offensive lineman or defensive linemen who can make the base for a solid team. Gresham can't run down the field because we need people to block. HippopotaSmith and Roland are interstates for DEs to get to the quarterback.... and our other 4 guys on the OL are decent at BEST. How do we expect anyone to get time back there to do anything? Similarly, when we bring 7 and can't get to the QB, how do we expect our corners to cover?

To me, the principles of building a successful team have been lost on Mike Brown. I'd like to say Carson is done.... but I'd like to see him get some time and comfort in the pocket. I'd like to say Chad is done, but there is no time for a route to develop. Bratkowski can't call plays, but the line can't execute simple blocking. I am still in awe of taking Andre Smith over Eugene Monroe.... or taking Andre Smith at all.... I have always felt that Mike Brown's real scouting department is TiVo'd College Gameday with Mel Kiper and Todd McShay.... and even they said he would be awful!

Bottom Line is that we have no lines. No one in the trenches to let our skill players do something worthwhile. A good O Line will make mediocre skill players better. A top flight receiver is worthless unless he has time to run a route past 10 yards. Really, our only successful deep routes are all out go routes, where we just run fast and chuck it up.... we dont have time to run anything else deep. So with the top 3 pick we have.... get the best O-Lineman on the board... or trade down for more decent picks to take more O-Linemen. Keep Dennis Roland around to reach things on high shelves.... Try to make Andre Smith a Guard.... at least he is fat enough to stand there.....

Lewis is done, no other good coach will come here knowing who he has to wok with.... lets just hope the promote Zimmer, who then has the balls to fire his bud Bratkowski.... and bring someone else in here to make it happen.... and maybe show some sort of emotion during the course of the season.

I fucking hate this fucking team.

I gotta go...the game's on.

get that fuck (carson) out of the game. he's a shell of what he once so briefly was. people want to dump on chad but this mope is one of the biggest crybaby/pussies in the nfl with ZERO desire to lead or rise.

can anyone explain to my uneducated, unsophisticated, and anger-ridden mind what the fuck the "covering up an eligible receiver" brings to the beauty of the game?!?! i mean who gives a baker's fuck if chad is 10 yards wide of reggie kelley and a half a foot in front of him...he's not offsides, so who gives a shit? what purpose and who's pussy feelings is it protecting?

chad is the tits. period.

Nationwide Insurance sponsors the Bengals

no other professional qb leaves their all-pro wide receiver out to dry like carson does chad every fucking throw. god damn it. just throw him the ball in stride in the general vicinity of his hands. why does chad have to be gumbi on every play and take shots from the entire d', the ground, and the national media/ignorant fantasy/fairweather fans. chad (and t.j.) made carson what little he ever was.

Yay! I didn't watch this piece of shit team embarrass itself today!
The world is better already.

Next project Mayhem activity: Put up mock Mike Brown grave and piss on it.

I didn't watch the game for the 3rd week in a row.

I'll say it again, it is very nice spending the entire afternoon so pissed off and irritated that I'd like to drown an entire litter of kittens.

PLEASE, EVERYONE TRY THIS

The only sound from the stands at the next home game should be crickets.

20 years old been a bengals fan my whole life.... 20 years 2 winning seasons.... thanks mike brown you truly are an incompetent asshole.

it is truly time for a boycott

I had the game on in the background while I studied for my licensing exam. I agree, the Sundays are a lot less stressful when you don't waste the time watching the game. There are hundreds of other things I would like to do beside watch this crap. Couple of things I noticed:

The OL is responsible for a significant amount of the turnovers. Bratkowski's moronic passing tree is probably the biggest problem, and Palmer's head is probably third. Palmer's first INT was caused by Livings letting his guy slant inside and hit Palmer as he threw. On TV, it looks as if Palmer was way off target, but the hit most likely changed the ball's trajectory. Benson's fumble was caused by the OL getting blown up at the LOS. The other two INT's are on Brat & Palmer.

If you think getting a new QB in the draft is going to solve the problem, it won't. As I wrote above, this is the same logic that Mike Brown uses time and again, and it fails miserably. Drafting a QB is only taking care of the symptoms. The problem is the Bengals cannot control the LOS on either side of the ball, and investing in good talent in the OL & DL is the cure. Right now the lines are primarily made up of other team cast offs (Johnson & Odom), college free agents (Cook), or low draft picks. Withworth, Smith, M. Johnson & Dunlap are really only the high picks on the lines.

If I were in control of this team, I would focus on solidifying the LT, RG & investing in a new RT, unless Smith shows he can keep his weight in check. Screw the RB, QB & WR spots- you can pick those guys up in later rounds or FA. If Smith balloons up again, I would kick his ass to the curb so fast rather than deal with his mental issues. I would draft the top LT, move Witworth back to LG, and try to pick up a RT or RG in FA or early in the draft. At least that would help solidify the left side of the OL for a number of years.

@blesterov: You're right of course but you don't get great offensive linemen without some talent scouts. Which the Bengals have none of. At least none with any talent themselves.

Blesterov,
I watch them without expectation.
What will the Bengals do? Probably nothing.

In days of old,
when knights were bold,
And GMs weren't invented

Mike Brown said "Call *me* GM!!!"
And playoffs were prevented


(headline that never was)

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
Unable To Break Anymore Hearts

AP- Mike Brown stepped down today, resulting in a massive unstoppable surge for the playoffs, during a season largely written off as "futile", by most all of Bengaldom. The news came as a shock to Mike Brown, who was looking forward to seeing them lose some more.
"What was I thinking?" an incredulous Mike Brown was heard commenting.
"Me not being GM is no way to run a team!"

Brown says he hopes to transfer his administrative philosophies to the young, burgeoning sport of WIPEOUT

"I know a cheaper way to do it", he said.

WIPEOUT tends to believe him.

headlines:

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker, Wonder What Else Is New


Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
[Yawn]


Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
I Have To Mow My Lawn

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
Brown Fires Wade Phillips Pre-Emptively As A Result, 'WTF' says Jerry

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
I Need To Change My Socks

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
Gain More Boredom


Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
Vegas Has Crap Table For Sale

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
Fans Vow To Just Throw Their Money In A Bonfire Next Week

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
Somehow Gain A Familiar Combo of Dissapointment, Apathy, and Revenue

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
To Be Continued Somehow, Unfortunately

Bengals Lose Heartbreaker,
Can't Wait To Check Out Sarah Palin's Baked Alaska

Well two weeks in a row the Bengals give us hope, only to tear it away on the last drive. I'm glad they won't be on tv next week, so I cannot be tempted to watching them.

@Die, you are right about the scouts. Of course, my role play would have scouting department if I were in charge. But I also would have a Kilbride or a Martz running the offense not a cheap hack. As I stated in the offseason leading up to the draft my basic filters to follow in the draft would be: 1) does the player have a significant injury history?; 2) does the player have mental issues (alcoholism, weight problems, etc.)? Yes to these questions would be cause for automatic removal from the list.

The point is MB and his cheap conservative ways are the problem. He hires the coaching staff; he has final say in personnel decisions; and no matter what the outcome of the team he earns money, which is completely un-American in my book. Yes, Marvin is not a perfect coach, but he has done a hell of a job with one hand tied behind his back.

@ Rich: As a former hs coach, I cannot watch this team anymore. Bratkowski's moronic schemes and simple passing tree are a big part of Palmer's performance. Take for example the final play against Pittsburgh last week. Shipley is running across the middle of the field and stops in the seam of the zone in the middle of the field. Palmer tries to force the ball in to get the first, but three defenders are there to break up the play.

If it were the Colts system, Shipley would have continued to run across the field. At the top of the TV screen, the flat on the right side of the field is wide open b/c another WR had cleared it by running an short dig route. Had Shipley just kept running into that zone, Palmer could have dumped it to him and Shipley would have easily had the first if not a TD to win the game. The blame goes on Palmer in the media and fans, but not Bratkowski for having a stupid route tree that relies on 5 yard hitches.

His passing tree is so bad, by the time the ball gets to the WR, there is typically a defender to take them down. It seems like our routes never have the guy catching the ball while running in full speed; this is by design, and it is completely moronic. Hitches are good every once and a while, but our offensive passing game is designed around it. Meanwhile the Colts carved up our defense today with guys just running across the middle of the field 5-10 yards deep while having Manning hit them in stride all day long.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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