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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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November 23, 2010

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Very well-written. I'm just torn on whether I think Mike Brown is really THAT evil, or if he's just so dumb and apathetic he doesn't know what is going around him in this organization. Why do I go back and forth? Well, it's obvious he cares about money as he's pretty cheap in many cases, especially when the salary cap was in play. But then, he goes out and spends (pisses away, rather) $7 million on Antonio Bryant to never play a down of football because the organization unwisely didn't do their due diligence on truly researching his injury. A man who is obsessed with money as we all think Mike Brown is, wouldn't do that. Another example? The trade for Shaun Rogers a couple of years ago. Why didn't he ever become a Bengal? It wasn't money. It was due to a screw-up with paperwork to the league and Brown's fear of giving up draft picks (which are cheaper than paying Rogers' salary). There's so many things in Brown's history that shows me that he's obsessed only with money, and then there are glaring instances when it looks like sheer stupidity. I will say that if he is THAT evil, it's bordering on demonic if he indeed plays with people's heads that way. If it is legitimately found that he is indeed that way, a mob should be formed to grab him out of PBS and lynch him.
Interesting bit on Domino's at the end there. If you notice in the Domino's commercials, the CEO of the company is the speaker in the commercial responding to a customer's complaint about pizza saying "this can't hapen anymore", and "we promise to make better pizza". I haven't tried it since their facelift, but I understand that it is actually better pizza. I think this is one of the MANY major flaws with Mike Brown--he hides from the camera and the fans. This site has touched on how he comes out to address the media twice a year. I think it'd go a LONG way with fans if he simply made an apologetic statement publicly about his ineptitude and then took steps to rectify it, even if they're small, slow ones.
Another interesting thing that wasn't in this article but ties into the "Mike Brown dangles hope to the fans" argument, is the fact that Brown buys big-name free agent players at the end of their careers. I was talking about this the other day with my brother. Guys like T.O., Richmond Webb, Clyde Simmons, Roy Williams and so on. Bengal fans who know football see these names get signed by Brown and think that this will produce a fruitful year. It's been wrong nearly every time.
I guess the depressing thing to me as a Bengals fan is that even if Brown does finally cave to his fans demands after this season (highly unlikely), it still will take YEARS for this organization to right the ship and be a winner. Don't get me wrong--I'm willing to wait if there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It's just that when you've been through 20 straight years of crappiness, immediate positive results are what we all want, when that again is highly unlikely.

EHA - it sounds like you're saying you want to give MB the benefit of the doubt because the Bryant signing shows he's not cheap even though that move failed precisely because of MB's abject refusal to spend money on a competent scouting and medical staff. As have the vast majority of free agent signings under his watch. And really, you have to balance the signings like Bryant with the non-starring veterans (who provide the backbone, leadership, special teams continuity) who he discards with regularity (and believe me, those are players the coaches want to keep).

I can't really express the depth of my contempt for Mike Brown. Given the way the NFL is structured and his sweetheart public subsidies he is by far the worst example of a welfare queen that I have come across.

I like the Domino's comparison, although the background to that "Corporate Turnaround" is unfortunately not the story we all would like it to be. According to the NY Times, (which is always correct, because they say so) the USDA funded the marketing campaign in return for adding more cheese to their pizza. Article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/11/07/us/07fat.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=domino%20pizza&st=cse

If the comparison holds true, then in order for MFB to turn things around, he's going to need cash incentive from a mutually interested party (the NFL?). Unfortunately for the fans, the Bengals are not a national product like Domino's, and the NFL doesn't stand a whole lot to gain if the Bengals were a better team. Not compared to a turnaround from a team like Dallas anyway. I'm not at all knowledgeable about how the revenue sharing works in the NFL, but it seems that there should be monetary penalties for bad performances. If reverse-welfare doesn't sit well, maybe having monetary rewards for good performances would be more politically feasible?

I'd like to think a (another?) letter writing campaign to Goodell would initiate some sort of action, but I don't think adding 40% more cheese to the Bengal's small market would add enough profits to the NFL's interests to make them care.

In other words, the Cincinnati Bengals as we know it have no hope of being a successful (i.e. perennially competent) franchise. Ever.

Somewhat selfishly (because I now live in LA) I would love to see the Bengals sold and moved to LA. I think that, like Cleveland, within a few years a new team will move to Cincinnati. And there is no way they could be any worse than the status quo, could they? That is Cincinnati's only hope.

ThosePeople --

I'm not giving Mike Brown the benefit of the doubt on ANYTHING. I simply said that MOST times it looks like money rules his actions or lack thereof, while other instances seem to refute that, a la the Bryant situation. It's just hard to see a guy who is supposedly OBSESSED with money, flush $7 million down the toilet with NOTHING to show for it. You bring up the medical staff, which is a great point. Maybe by Brown skimping on a competent medical staff over the years, that saved him more money than the $7 mil he wasted on Bryant, but I think you get my point. It seems like money drives his decisions most of the time, while other times there are things that come up that make a fan say "Mike Brown did THAT and paid THAT?".
I guess I try to see a positive in EVERY person, even one I despise like Mike Brown. It's hard for me to believe that someone is so evil, as Brown is painted, so I guess I just try to think of him as borderline retarded instead of pure malevolence personified. I guess it's easier for me to think that way as I don't live anywhere near Cincinnati and I don't get the direct exposure to him that Cincinnatians seem to receive.

Thanks for the link Matt, I'd heard about that...that's why I prefaced that I wasn't about to nominate the company for any humanitarian awards for a pizza recipe change! :-p But it was nice to hear a company flat out acknowledge "yup, this probably could be better...so let's make it better" even if USDA intervention was involved.

I could be wrong and it may have only been in Canada, but I seem to remember KFC doing something similar back in the 1990s. Their fries were known to be absolutely terrible and they changed how they made them. I don't know that that ranks as a strong point for anyone's KFC's experience, but I remember appreciating the honesty of the ad campaign: "yep, our fries have been pretty terrible, we don't deny it..."

I also find it pretty unbelievable that the entire Bengals front office is completely silent during times like these. Do fast food restaurants actually have more integrity when it comes to owning up to their problems than MFB and Co.?

I'm afraid the answer is yes. One could possibly argue that these fast food chains are publicly traded companies, and the Brown family loves to remind everyone that this is a VERY privately-owned franchise. The fast food companies are responsible for their shareholders' profits, and Mike Brown isn't. But in my mind, the emotional well-being of an entire city/region is the stakeholder in the Bengals, even if they aren't financial stakeholders. Mike Brown's failure to field a football team for 20 years has ruined the fall sports hopes and dreams of many a Cincinnatian. The Bengals' incompetency has to coincide with a drop in productivity at the workplace, marital/familial disfunction, and general depression over the city during the football season. This guy is personally responsible for more than a few business failures, personal bankruptcies, and messy divorces, I'm sure of it (well, probably). And he doesn't even take the responsibility to say "I'm sorry, we'll try harder next year."

Anyone with any links to any hint of a statement from the front office, please post them.

Very well written article. Thank you for this! I wholeheartly agree.

So what is the solution? Being raised in Cincinnati, I know this: many "fans" just like "going to the game"and "having a nice time." If the Bengals win, that's great! If not, oh well, we've seen this before...

Nothing will change in Cincinnati because of these fans. It is a shame.

If I had my way, I would make sure that Mike, Katie and Troy's lives were a living HELL. Haze them in public. Find out where they shop, where they go to church, where they get their hair cut. They deserve nothing but the worst treatment from every citizen of Cincinnati and every Bengals fan for what they have done for the past 20 years. Wear them down. Break their spirit. Abuse them. Tell them that this is the treatment they get for the rest of their lives until they relinquish control of the Bengals.

It sounds cruel, but what else is going to work? I HATE the Brown family. If I ever met Mike Brown on the street I would probably get arrested for the things I would do.

If you look at the history of terrible owners in sports, nothing changes until the owner dies. Are we willing to wait until death? That's going to take too long.

The only solution is Mike Brown's death. Or maybe there's some fluke way he can be convinced/cajoled/forced to sell the team. Other than that and it's clearly gonna be SUCKVILLE in Cincinnati. I do think season ticket holders have a right to hound the Brown family, as do taxpayers footing the bill for the stadium named after a Brown family member that puts MILLIONS OF DOLLARS into the Brown family checkbook. Their names should be MUD in Cincy.

Brown isn't diabolical but he's not accountable to anyone, and he believes his own bullshit, and that's why things are shitty. He can dodge the media -- the biggest thing about the Marvin Lewis era is that Marvin became more of the public face of this SHITVILLE franchise. He can tell himself that he tried to improve things by spending money on Antonio Bryant (although I wonder if the Bengals didn't have an injury insurance policy that kicks in to cover those costs), it doesn't matter.

Signing free agents at the end of the careers is of course exactly the wrong thing to do, as most sports fans can tell you it works out horribly in baseball as well as football since you end up paying guys who are past their prime or too physically beat up (like Roy Williams) to ever produce at a high level again. Smart guys don't do that. Guys who believe their own bullshit and who are looking for headline grabbing non-accomplishments do.

Fuck you Mike Brown and the horse you rode in on.

We need to arrange a rally at the Indian Hill estate of Mike Brown and dump any and all Bengal jerseys, merchandise and paraphernalia back onto his property. I wish we could start a bonafide bonfire, but I believe that is against the law. Dumping the stuff in his yard or nearby would be easy to do, time efficient and newsworthy. Anyone want to join me on Sunday?

Just as a bit of info... I am bettin' that Mike 'Mr. Bruns' Brown will not fire Marvin Lewis. The reason? in just a few short days, Marvin's contract with the Bengals will expire. 'Mr. Burns' is then, no longer 'on the hook' for a head coaches salary. Considering that if they 'lockout' next year, coaches are MANAGEMENT and if under contract, they would still be paid -- something that we all know about 'Mr. Burns' -- he will not pay people to do nothing -- that is against his creed. Likewise, he will not pay a salary severance (in effect) to ANYONE i.e., pay a salary to someone he's had to fire -- because they were under an existent contract.

'Mr. Brown' knows that if during next year, the lockout does NOT encompass the whole season and he has to look for a coach, he's going to hire ANYONE with coaching experience that will do it without trying to 'hose' the team because of a 'late hour' situation.

Because of all of this, 'Mr. Burns' will not NOT *NOT* extend another contract to Marvin Lewis (unless it is ladened with exceptions etc.). O sure, he may re-hire Marvin, but the net effect of the contract exceptions will be such that they can not be fulfilled within reason and the net effect will be that Marvin really was not re-hired -- for all practical purposes.

What this means is that unless the Bengals get lucky and have a 'perfect storm' again... ...the next coach will probably get an initial 2-year deal and will be terrible and the fans can look forward to 2012-2014 seasons at around a 4-12 record respectively and the fans will be clamoring like they did about five years or so ago. And so it goes on. The only difference being that 'Mr. Burns' has a very REAL and very GOOD chance of retiring (or croaking) and his daughter and son-in-law will take over (don't worry folks, we already know that haven't a clue about football!) and you can then look for another 20+ years of 'sucking hind tit' and by that time, a new stadium issue will be on the ballot because PBS will be considered to be 'old-hat' and the same shit will start all over again.

Except... ...maybe this time, you will remember my words and when the area can be rid of the pathetic 'Burns' family, they will finally put aside their petty jealousies and pissy egoes and say: WCH warned us and this time, you guys are HISTORY!

Naw, it'll never happen because most of you people are self-centered pussies! That and that we will have some schmuck ranting about how having an indoor practice facility (which STILL will not be had) will make this team capable of winning the 'Spooger Bowl'.

My prediction: The Bengals will have five winning seasons by the year 2030 and will have an average winning percentage of: .312! <--That's an average of 5-11 for every season -- for 20 more seasons -- excluding lockouts.

I think you missed one important item. Cincinnati residents put up with a lot of things just because that is "the way it has always been." Change comes slowly here and innovation is rare. Out of towners aren't as welcome as "lifers" are. All they have known here for quite a while is a bad team - and they are happy with that. It works out quite well, the fans don't feel pressure to support a winner and the team doesn't feel the need to win. All is well.

I relocated here and have resisted being a Bengals fan - and have always said I could become a fan on the following 3 conditions:

1 - Stop the whining by the team (this actually happened with hiring of Marvin)
2 - Lose the "Who-Dey" chant (WTF? Really? Everybody beats you. Lame. Ignorant)
3 - Quit hiring the cast-offs of the league.


Happy Thanksgiving.

Do you know who is worse than Mike Brown?

You are.

And I quote, "This guy is personally responsible for more than a few business failures, personal bankruptcies, and messy divorces, I'm sure of it (well, probably)."
Posted by: Matt November 23, 2010 at 04:31 PM

You can not handle your football. YOU are a failure of a human being.

"If I had my way, I would make sure that Mike, Katie and Troy's lives were a living HELL."
Posted by: AC November 23, 2010 at 10:22 PM

You belong in the Old Testament, missing teeth and eyes.

"The only solution is Mike Brown's death."
Posted by: DieDieDieMikeBrown November 23, 2010 at 11:32 PM

You need to go to jail. And stay there.

Every point made on this site is lost when people start rooting for someone to die.

What the fuck is wrong with you that you root for someones death so you can enjoy a football game.

Call people sheep all you want but you are a bunch of fucking losers if you root for a person / family to die so that you can have a few more wins to cheer for.

I've made it pretty clear in this column and in my previous one that a) rooting for a death is unconscionable and b) would change nothing because we have little to believe in Katie's wanting to change anything other than a vague rumor that she once nudged Mikey a bit to hire a GM.

And BTW, NNati Beng, either as a enabler or a satirical device posing as an enabler, has proven my second point in spades.

BMN,

I was not calling you out, but read the comments on almost any article lately. People wish ill will on a family because they can't handle their football (like NNati said)

"We’ve tolerated Mike Brown’s product for 20 years. In order to ever have a chance of liking it, he needs to stop playing psychological tricks and acknowledge that the way he currently makes his product doesn’t lead to good football. Then get to changing the formula to something that does."
Posted by Brosef Stalin on November 23, 2010 at 11:23 AM

Either that or die.

If you wish harm upon the Brown family or intend to harm them, for any reason, you are incapable of rendering any thought rational enough to even begin to address the set of problems facing the Bengals.

Not only are you not helping to fix things, you are making things worse.

Ok, Devils Advocate here from the Old Testament. Aside from Mike Brown's eventual death of natural causes, how do things get better? Magic? Fairy Dust? Intervention from the Commissioner?

I do not root for anyone to die, but Mike Brown and his family have inflicted emotional and financial abuse upon the city of Cincinnati for two decades. Such abuse should not go unpunished. I wonder how he would feel if our pain was his? Walk a couple of miles in our shoes, Mikey Boy.

"If I had my way, I would make sure that Mike, Katie and Troy's lives were a living HELL. Haze them in public. Find out where they shop, where they go to church, where they get their hair cut. They deserve nothing but the worst treatment from every citizen of Cincinnati and every Bengals fan for what they have done for the past 20 years. Wear them down. Break their spirit. Abuse them. Tell them that this is the treatment they get for the rest of their lives until they relinquish control of the Bengals.

It sounds cruel, but what else is going to work? I HATE the Brown family. If I ever met Mike Brown on the street I would probably get arrested for the things I would do.

If you look at the history of terrible owners in sports, nothing changes until the owner dies. Are we willing to wait until death?"
Posted by: AC | November 23, 2010 at 10:22 PM

You are a goon.

Is your life a living HELL? Are you hazed in public? Where do you shop? Where do you go to church? Where do you get your hair cut? Do you get the worst treatment from every citizen of Cincinnati? Is this what you deserve?

Post your name and address here and see what happens.

The people who have stuck with you for this long have had enough of your abuse.

NNati Beng -

Relax. You are a spaz.

Glad to know friends like you.

Redheaded Irish women are even more harmful to your health if they're mad at you. Skinny or not! Especially if you remark on one of their body parts in an unflattering way.

Read more here: http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/2010/11/they-should-carry-warning-labels.html?cid=6a00d83451587d69e20147e01fa0e0970b#storylink=cpy

GARY IS A LEGEND

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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