IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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Chris Crocker, a player who resisted bungalization if there ever was one, lies injured with his name spelled conspicuously and inappropriately wrong on the jumbotron. Chris was a stubborn student. But his re-education is now complete. Welcome to Bengaldom, Chris.
You can try to fight Mike Brown. But you will fail.
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20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)
29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
That's actually not the first time his name has been spelled like that on the scoreboard.
Posted by: captainb8 | November 22, 2010 at 10:41 AM
Really? Embarrassing. I do not go to games so I have to rely on third party sources who send me things like this.
Surely this is the first time they've spelled it wrong as he's lying crippled on the ground. Literally insult to injury.
Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | November 22, 2010 at 10:53 AM
It was spelled wrong on Oct 18 of last year. Here's my tweet from that game http://twitter.com/captainb8/status/4971109425
Posted by: captainb8 | November 22, 2010 at 11:02 AM
New Project mayhem:
Give your tickets to a bum/homeless person. there are plenty of them around PBS, so let them go in an "enjoy" the place. they can shower in the sinks, and not buy anything inside the stadium.
Posted by: Emmit | November 22, 2010 at 11:03 AM
I propose changing the spelling of WhoDey to WhoCares.
And changing Mike Brown to Mike Asshole.
Posted by: Major Payne | November 22, 2010 at 11:23 AM
I am formulating a new theory that Mike Brown is so in love with the NFL's profit-sharing policy (since he is on the receiving end of it) that he is laying the groundwork for a similar structure. Point-sharing.
Teams with ownership that systemically handicaps the success of their team (MFB of course, Al Davis, etc.) would receive a points, varying based on the ineptitude of the ownership, from well-run teams like NE, Indy, etc. How's that for ultimate parity?
You spot the Bengals 10 points a game, and they are 9-1 this year! Gimme a WhoCares!
Posted by: Major Payne | November 22, 2010 at 11:40 AM
@Emmit: Do you really hate the homeless that much that you want them to sit in the cold watching the Bengals SUCK?
Posted by: PutYourYellowOnMikeBrownsGrave | November 22, 2010 at 12:39 PM
Poor Crocker. He may not be able to fight Mike Brown, but we the fans can. Stop going to the games and buying Bengals merchandise. Money is the only thing Mike understands.
Posted by: Airjawa | November 22, 2010 at 01:18 PM
The jumbotron uses more kilowatts per hour for every letter that is displayed on the board. Mikey Boy clearly wants to save on his power bill. The Eagles ownership has made their stadium eco-friendly by using alternative energy such as wind turbines. Rumor has it Mikey is taking it a step further by shutting off the power to the stadium completely. This means more money for the family, remember x-mas is coming.
Posted by: UJ | November 22, 2010 at 02:57 PM
I think the fans are really the "cockers" in this instance.
Posted by: Rich | November 22, 2010 at 05:38 PM
Chris Crocker, we are all sorry that you had to be subjected to the franchise ownership's inappropriate attempts at thrift...don't worry though...one day the WDR will hack the PBS jumbotron, and offer our own technical appropriations
Posted by: Hofbraunow | November 22, 2010 at 08:57 PM
This is truly a shame. I would also recommend that Chris Crocker flee from any kind of medical "treatment" he is receiving from the "medical staff" composed of UC medical student interns that Mike Brown keeps on board to lower his salary costs.
Posted by: Torgo | November 23, 2010 at 11:36 PM
Ni of little girl precious is holding coin, that ice-cream inn that went to a corner, what she thinks it is the cheapest to buy only is sweet canister!
Posted by: Coach Ergo Bags | February 22, 2011 at 08:57 PM
The Big 12 officials should be fired for their performance! I'd have been pissed to had I been one of the Pelini brothers!
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