The 200th Loss: Mike Brown is Worse Than You Think

Longtime Comrade BMN was the first to bring it to our attention that the Bengals loss against the Steelers was the 200th of Mike Brown's career as Owner/GM of the Bengals.  His knowledge of putrid owners is impressive, so we asked him to compile his thoughts on how Mike Brown's record setting futility stacks up against other historically pathetic owners.  His conclusion: It's worse than you think.  Since BMN sent this to us, Mikey kept his reputation alive with his 201st loss against Indy.  His entire guest post is below.

The 200^th Loss:  Mike Brown is Worse Than You Think

Call me somewhat masochistic but there was somewhat of a pleasure to the result of Monday Night’s Steelers-Bengals clash.  Not the part about the Steelers winning, of course.  This is only pleasurable in a bizarre, everything-is-upside-down universe that I cannot contemplate.

The pleasure was that, at long last, Mike Brown entered the record books for having lost 200 games faster than any owner in NFL history.  In 312 regular season and 2 playoff games, Mike amasses 200 losses to only 113 wins and a tie.  Combined with his 2008 achievement of the slowest 100^th win (game 288) , it felt…dare I say, monumental.  As though all those years watching this atrocious franchise weren’t wasted.  Don’t we all want to be a part of history? 

The pleasure, however, wore off when I read Enquirer blogger Joe Reedy’s take on the occasion.  I wish no ill will to Mr. Reedy.  He’s pretty new to the Bengals beat and I’m sure that the other items he wrote about left him little time to put much into perspective. 

However, in mentioning the bad company Mike Brown keeps, he inadvertently implied either one of two things:  1) Mike Brown can’t be that bad…look at some of these guys, 2) some (not all) of these franchises found their way out of the tunnel.  There is a light!

I’m here to tell you that it’s much worse than what this Reedy column might imply.  To me, the 100/200 accomplishment means something.  Does it mean that—all other factors being equal--  that Mike Brown a worse owner than every single one of these individuals?  Maybe, maybe not.  But the 100/200 number can be summed up in two sentences, something that can’t be said of any of the other owners on the list: 

He stuck around that long just to win 100 games.  He got to 200 losses that quickly with no one intervening to do anything about it.

And that’s the meat of the accomplishment.  Some of the owners below cut a worse or reasonably equivalent pace.  But Mike holds this record and it symbolizes more than present-day accomplishment.  It symbolizes a very, very bleak  future.

First, let’s look at the man that most would state is the worst owner in history…

1) Hugh Culverhouse Sr., Buccaneers (1972-1992) - Congratulations, Hugh, wherever in the cavernous dwellings of football hell you reside, you are indeed the king.  If by “king,” you mean having the worst winning percentage of any owner to have overseen more than 250 games (.302), cheating on your wife, treating Doug Williams like a piece of horsemeat after his wife died and tarnishing the legacy of John McKay.  Indeed, you are the king of bad owners and Mike Brown’s teams could have whipped your teams up-and-down the field.

But here’s why Mike Brown is a worse scenario than Hugh Culverhouse, Sr.  I’m getting morbid here but we all have to die one day.  And when Hugh Sr. died, his son instantly had the good sense to realize “I’m not a football guy.  My dad’s pissed off the whole city.  I’m divesting myself of this mess and getting out of here!”  Malcolm Glazer took over and the team gradually marched towards respectability.

Now first of all, I’m not classless enough to put out death watches on anyone so Mikey could be here awhile.  However, besides that, did you watch “Hard Knocks” at all last year?  Did you see Katie Blackburn’s enthusiasm for running the team?  She’s not going anywhere.  Did you see her prowess in negotiating with Andre Smith?  She’s not going to be any different.  Bottom line:  whereas Hugh was a mortal with a common-sense son coming up behind him, Mike is leaving a lineage of no-scout-having, lowball-offering, “gosh darn it running a football team is harder than you think!” people behind to ruin football for generations of Cincy residents to come.

2) John Mecom Jr., Saints (1966-1985) – With a winning percentage not that far ahead of dear Hugh (.311), Mecom’s “aints” moniker was well-earned.  But this conversation is easy:  John sold.  255 games in, he was done.  If Mike Brown had sold the team to an outside party at 255 games, we’d have had a new owner at the end of 2006.  That would have been five offseasons for the hiring of scouts, for the building of an indoor practice facility, for the hiring of a General Manager and/or specific director of football operations, for an evaluation (and hopefully firing) of the medical staff).  That would have been a lot of time for a new, fresh mind to get a lot done. 

 In the five years after Mecom’s departure, the Saints went 43-36 in the regular season with a playoff appearance.  From 1990-2, they made the playoffs three years in a row.  The troubles the Saints endured shortly thereafter notwithstanding, a fresh perspective in ownership helped.  If the Bengals were in this scenario, we would be looking at a consecutive run of playoff appearances.  But they weren’t and we aren’t.

3) Rankin Smith, Atlanta Falcons (1966-2002) -  The former “fastest 200” record holder lived in my current resident city and his legacy wasn’t a pretty one.  In fact, it lingered into last year as 2009 marked the Falcons clinching the only set of back-to-back winning seasons in their history.

However, first of all--  Mike broke the record.  Let it not be said that Rankin was worse because no statistic would bear that out.  Furthermore, Rankin could say two things that Mike Brown can’t.  One is that he ultimately relinquished day-to-day control in 1990.  I’m not arguing that Rankin had some great epiphany that he was incompetent but he at least let go of a deathgrip that Mikey shows no signs of relenting.  And two, he did manage three playoff appearances between 1978-1982 and a playoff win in 1978.  Paltry numbers to be sure:  but one more appearance and one more playoff win in his first 17 years than Mike has accumulated today.  Do you know what came after his three playoff appearances?  A lot of losing seasons.  So what do you think Mike has in store?  (HINT:  at best one more playoff appearance with one win…and that’s your ceiling).

4) Art Rooney, Pittsburgh Steelers (1933-1988) -  Here we have the prized example that AFC North fans might use to try to delude you into thinking that there will be a silver lining to Mike’s ownership.  Art’s first 335 games were a disaster, his team cut Johnny Unitas and it’s probably not an accident that Pittsburgh was considered more of a baseball town back in the 1960s. 

But Rooney is difficult to contextualize.  His teams played in a much smaller NFL than what we see today.  In the 12, 14, 16, etc. sized leagues his Pirates/Steelers competed in, it was much easier to take lumps against first-class opponents because you were faced with them more often.  Rooney twice had to cope with merging a team (not the powerhouse you’d expect but rather banding a cacophony of misfits).  Rooney definitely improved…but how bad he was to begin with is a bit of a deceptive question given the era of his first years of ownership.  To take the idea that “the Rooneys started winning, the Browns might start winning too” is an apples-oranges comparison.  Evaluating a 1980s owner by 2010 standards can be tricky, evaluating a 1930s owner by those standards is downright impossible.

What’s more, at least Rooney was able to bolster his franchise’s reputation on the behind-the-scenes front by developing a strong rapport with other owners:  when Chuck Noll finally began drafting the talent that would become the 1970s Steelers, those talented players didn’t dread going there (I would have…but I’m normal).  Hence there was more unity and less player trauma.

Contrarily, Mike’s losing isn’t being punctuated with any behind-the-scenes touch that will at least ensure a stable reputation so that future coaches might fire up players on a Bengals’ legacy.  Here’s Michael Silver to tell you all about it. 

All four of the previous owners have one large factor that impacts how their teams performed:  they were all STARTING FROM SCRATCH.

The 1990 Bengals went 9-7 and beat the Houston Oilers to get the final eight.  They were also only two seasons removed from winning the AFC Championship.  Mike Brown did not take over a band of misfits.  He didn’t have to pick junk out of an expansion draft.  Just give Boomer & co. a better defense in the 1991 and 1992 drafts, you’re in the mix.  Mike Brown drafted David Klingler and hired Dave Shula to be his coach.

5) Bill Bidwell, Sr., Arizona Cardinals (1972-present)  –Taking over in 1972, Bidwell’s Cards have only made the playoffs five times.  Their recent Super Bowl appearance came with a recent ceding of football operations power to his sons.  In short, Michael & Bill Jr. show promise of knowing what they’re doing.  Which means more wins that we can expect from Mike & co. 

6) Randy Lerner, Cleveland Browns (2002-Present) -  cited by Reedy as a possible contender to break Mikey’s mark, Lerner doesn’t qualify for one simple, astonishingly radical reason.  After several years of being an AFC whipping boy, Lerner came to the realization that there was no shame in admitting he didn’t know what he was doing.  He brought in Mike Holmgren to be president.  There’s no telling how it will turn out:  the Browns’ current 3-5 record doesn’t strike fear into the hearts of fan.  But that one, simple move said volumes.  It said “we’ve tried things a certain way for a reasonable amount of time to evaluate.  And upon evaluating, it’s not working.  Let’s try something new.”

Mike Brown has had 20 years to evaluate:  still no new scouts, still no new practice facility, still the same incompetent medical team, and come January, 10 years of Bob Bratkowski as Offensive Coordinator with no one trying to lure him for an interview and no significant record of accomplishment.

Other owners that shouldn’t enter the conversation, but often do:

Jerry Jones, Al Davis-  Meglomaniacal people with Super Bowl rings on their fingers, something Mikey could never have.

Dan Snyder-  He spends money and he’s trying.  Good?  No.  Mike Brown’s class?  Not even close.

The Fords-  admittedly, the Fords have been exceptionally awful, and that 0-16 season was darn impressive, but while Mike Brown stumbled through the 1990s after inheriting a playoff team, the Lions made the playoffs six times.

Bob McNair-  Admittedly, the Texans’ brief history has been a brutal one but like the above individuals, the Texans started from scratch.  And their 53-83 is still way ahead of the pace Mikey’s Bengals had cut 136 games in (40-96).

To summarize what we’ve learned:

- Most owners that get thrown into this conversation were expansion owners.  Mike Brown is the only one in the conversation to take over a playoff team.

- Some bad owners have offspring that have the good sense to get out, some bad owners have offspring with better acumen, Mike Brown’s daughter is Katie Blackburn.  Katie doesn’t understand why Andre Smith won’t sign that contract because it’s so much money and wants you to lay off her dad because running a NFL team is really hard. Most other members of the family are already in the organization and are learning from the “master.”

- Randy Lerner admitted he needed a President.  Mike Brown pays himself GM bonuses for non-existent accomplishments as GM.

- Some owners started in the 1930s and had to fight headlong against established teams with less dilution in talent.  Mike Brown has owned the Bengals in the age of ultimate parity and still hasn’t won a playoff game. 

- Selling a team can provide a moral and performance boost.   Mike Brown won’t sell the rights to the stadium name, much less sell the team. 

- BONUS PIECE OF KNOWLEDGE:  The Houston Texans kicked the Cincinnati Bengals’ ass the last two times they played.

Restated:  Mike Brown stuck around 288 games just to win 100 games.  He got to 200 losses this quickly with no one intervening to do anything about it.

He’s still sticking around.

Roger Goodell came to town on Monday.  I don’t see him intervening to do anything about it.

Katie thinks just like Dad.  She’s not intervening to do anything about it. 

Marvin Lewis still doesn’t have a contract and has a look (and coaching style) of utter resignation.  He’s not intervening to do anything about it.

For most, 200 losses would be the end.  For Mike Brown, it might just be the beginning.  May the football gods help us all.

Comments

[Matt C]

I think the knocks against Katie Blackburn are overblown. She was ridiculed for how she handled Andre Smith on Hard Knocks, but I really don't see why. I feel like people expected a scene out of Jerry McGuire and when she didn't perform like Bob Sugar, the conclusion was that she was a lousy negotiator. I don't know if anyone noticed, but the Bengals got a pretty good contract, considering Andre Smith's draft position. As to whether or not Smith was worth drafting is another question.

At this point, I don't see any reason to believe she wouldn't hire a GM or build an indoor facility, etc. But we'll have to wait and see.

[Dixonator]

That was quite a dissertation. It is completely sad and even worse, it's completely true. And @ Matt C, please come back to reality. Pimping Katie Blackburn as a diamond in the rough is not only ridiculous, but out and out a frightening denial of reality. Pew-dey.
Your most humble and loyal servant,
Dixonator
P.S. I long for the relief death will bring!

[Danno]

I just want to vomit the more and more I think about this stuff. I love this team, but it is getting harder and harder to get truly excited knowing that nothing has changed up top.

[Who Chi Minh]

Also, Katie and Troy have expressed interest in hiring a GM...

But I guess being the QB of the Dartmouth Indians gives you experience women just don't have the opportunity for.

Marvin is gone - his mood these past few games have come from knowing MB won't meet Marvin's contract demands (indoor facility, personnel control), so he'll be let go.

My only question is who would be stupid enough to take this job without being able to hire his own coordinators/position coaches or having any say in the roster?

[DELONTE]

honestly as shit as Marvin Lewis' preparation for game seems to be I kind of feel sorry for him. What other idiot would take this job? This team is so fucked it's not even funny. I've given up all hope that they will ever compete for a chip. There is nothing close to how shit of an organization this is. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. This cocksuckin Mike "piece of" Brown "shit" will see to it that we never cheer for a winner. It's as if his actual goal is to lose rather than win. Nobody can be that stupid and shit.

[ickey's headband]

so this is what it must feel like to be trapped in a loveless marriage (shiver)

[Robert]

10 bucks says Marv is leaving because Mikie won't budge on his cheapness.

@DELONTE, I think you're right about him. He's the best the Bengals will get. I can't imagine a top tier quality coach would want to come in with the way Mikie Boy runs things.

I think Marvin has pushed Mike Brown as far as is possible. I seriously can't expect any better than a .500 record- at best- with the way things are run. Respectable seasons when the schedule is soft, then back to sucktitude the next season when there are more tough games.

[Sleeping With Bieniemy]

I, douche bag that I am, still am holding out hope that Katie and Troy will have no problem making changes once Mikey is out of the way. They grew up here, their kids go to school here, they have dealt with this scorn their whole lives...it'll only get worse for their kids as they get older. I think they'll just want to end it all and get outside help.

The wildcard is if Katie wants to prove she can be a good female GM in a league of men. I have no idea if that would motivate her but who knows? You have to imagine that it's tempting for her to wield that power her dad had once she gets the chance.

[wch]

Hey, here's an idea... ...let's try to come up with a list of the world's most annoying song? That's just about as useful as what's going on in here anyhow... Maybe we can make people donate $0.02 for each song they nominate -- you know, so they can help pay for the indoor practice facility (Bienemy has to pay $4.6 million dollars for his suggestion -- plus another 8 million in cost overruns and 50 million in interest etc.)

I will start first: Starland Vocal Bands' "Afternoon Delight!"

Remember, I won't pay until everyone else agrees to!

BWAHAHA

[Rich]

I don't know if Mike Brown could be worse than I think.
I think he's pretty fucking bad.

[Rich]

Bienemy,
Maybe if Katie Blackburn becomes GM she won't suck as bad as her dad. I mean, it could happen.

[Hofbraunow]

The most awful, annoying song. Who Dey.
They probably play it all the time at PBS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vdK_Mpexj8

[JM]

Cleveland Browns hire a G.M.

Cleveland Browns are tough and win games that they aren't supposed to

And nobody wants to play them right now

Conversely..............

Mike Fucking Brown does it Burger King style, you know

Has it his way.

Doesn't hire a G.M. And instead pays himself

Bonuses............. Mother fucking bonuses

Meanwhile his team is weak

And everyone wants to play them

Mike Fucking Brown

Based upon the human evidence of Mike Brown, and Katie Brown-Blackbush it's rather obvious that Paul Brown wishes that............

He would have pulled out.

This fucking slime needs to die.

Folks when he dies from stress related illnesses, you know "it's so hard to run a team" it'll be the best day in the HISTORY of Cincinnati.

He's not going to stop. He's not going to quit. He's not going to spend.

Why should we?

[JM]

Better points

He doesn't care.

Why do we?

He doesn't try.

Why should we?

(biggest one of all)

HE DOESN'T SPEND

WHY SHOULD WE?????????

[JM]

That's the billboard that might hit this t-bagger, inbred, , cock sucker.

Mike F. Brown
You don't try
You don't care
You don't spend

Why should we???????????

WHO DEY!

[JM]

I'll donate money to the simple;

Mike F. Brown

You don't try

You don't care

You don't spend

WHY SHOULD WE?

Billboard.

That pretty much says it.

Who's with me?

[ickey's headband]

who dey?

who cares!

i also overheard someone say "who dont" over the weekend and i thought id pass it along

[The assassination of mike brown]

@ JM.... GENIUS

That's the billboard that might hit this t-bagger, inbred, , cock sucker.

Mike F. Brown
You don't try
You don't care
You don't spend

Why should we???????????

WHO DEY!

I will donate if this goes up for the next home game even though it will be blacked out (I can only hope that it will be blacked out so that I don't have to spend another sunday watching this asshole ruin and continue ruining the only sports team I have ever truly been a fan of, yes I am a "bengals douchebag")

[DieDieDieMikeBrown]

Who dey think you dumb enough to watch the Bengals suck for 20 more years?
Mike Brown dey.

[Mockenrue]

There's a poll up at Bengals.com asking which of five "young" players people most want to see get more playing time: Chase Coffman, Anthony Collins, Carlos Dunlap, Brandon Ghee, or Jerome Simpson.

37% said Dunlap, and I don't necessarily disagree since the current D-Line starters sure aren't getting anything done.

But then 33% say Coffman, who is a known liability in blocking and whose receiving skills probably aren't much (if any) better than Gresham's, who we're already not using in the downfield game.

Another 20% say Simpson, as though the only reason he can't get on the field is bias. Look, Chad and T.O. are the two best WRs on the team, and Jordan Shipley is clearly the #3. Caldwell was serviceable in that role last year and is a good fourth option at the moment - why do we want to see Simpson other than to feel better about another wasted Brown era 2nd round draft pick?

5% say Ghee, and with Morgan Trent and Adam Jones out, and Hall and Joseph having recurring minor injuries of their own, we'll see plenty of Ghee.

But the alarming thing is the mere 4% who say Collins (including two votes of my own, as I had to revote to view the statistics after leaving the page). Andre Smith is done for the season, so there's no reason to worry about getting him more time. That means, apparently, 96% of Bengals.com users/visitors are satisfied enough with Dennis Freaking Roland in the lineup that they'd rather watch someone like Jerome Simpson suck at running routes. Unbelievable. Problem #1 is Mike Brown. Problem #2 is Bengals fans.

[Douche]

Well wasn't there a time in the past few years that Katie tried pushing daddy to hiring a GM. I know I heard that at some point after the 05 season somewhere. Maybe there is a light. Or maybe we're holding onto false hope. Regardless nothing is going to change in the Bengals org. The Browns/Blackburns will always control the team. It'll never be sold. The best chance we have of losing the Browns/Blackburns is them moving the team to another city. Then after that, who knows how long it'll take to bring another team in. Maybe never. I dunno. I'm done.

[libertarians have unruly pubes]

@wch -

we know you're a crusty old repub. you don't have to throw out oldies but not goodies like "afternoon delight" to tell us that (though if you were remotely "hip" to the times, you would know that matt damon made that song 85x's sweeter than your mid-30's talking-down-to-war-protesters self could have known was possible when it was first released.)

it's so obvious from pronoun #1 what comments are yours on this site - they remind us of a grandpa who smells like liniment, whose ear shrubs are too thick to maybe hear your own self step back and admit, "i am part of an irrelevant generation".

great work on adopting the sign off so embraced by 7th grade girls the world over. it'll be useful when they bring the pedophilia lawsuit against your dirty old grampass.

"BWWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"

[Leo deTrotskyo]

In case you didn't see this last week (I posted to the end of the Reedy 200 losses comments), I'll share it again:

First off, THIS IS IN NO WAY A DEFENSE FOR MIKEY AND HIS REIGN OF FUTILITY. Got it? Ok then. I just wanted to share this, 'cause it's so sad it's funny: As a central Florida resident in the ‘80s, I had the misfortune to get acquainted with Hugh Culverhouse’s style of football management (he was mentioned in Reedy’s blog and was the original owner of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the only franchise to go 0-for-the-entire-season). One year, in a misguided attempt to expand his fan base and therefore sell more tickets, he announced his intention to play two regular season games in the Citrus Bowl. Which is in Orlando. He did not intend to give any refunds to those who already had purchased tickets: rather, he told them they would receive equivalent seats in Orlando. Imagine the response if Mikey told Bengals season ticket holders to drive to Columbus for two games!

[DieDieDieMikeBrown]

Why does everyone assume the team will never be sold? What if Paul Brown stadium was empty every Sunday? The NFL would step in. Probably they would move the team to Los Angeles or some other sucka city. But Mikey might be persuaded at that point to take the almost-a-billion-dollars and run. And that would be the best possible outcome of this shitty situation.

[Major Payne]

Good grief, that's freaking depressing.

I thought about posting the line, "Mike Brown's office is the outhouse of the football gods." But then I realized that takes MFB off the hook, as though he was just dealt a bad hand, with a steaming pile of bad luck on the side.

But as this post lays out beautifully, Mike F-ing Brown is the steaming pile here. In 20 years, everything else has changed multiple times: coaches, coordinators, players, even the stadium. Yet everything stays the same: the bad decisions, the lack of scouts, the utter dysfunction, the losing. It's all institutional. This is the shanty Mike Brown has built for us, his serfs that exist only to enrich him.

The only thing that could make MFB more pathetic is if he made the players let him rub Bratkowski fur on them the way Marge Schott used to do to Reds players with fur from her dogs.

I HATE YOU MIKE F-ING BROWN!!!

[PAl]

Matt C, Katie looked like a complete clueless moron(perfect Bengal executive) on Hard Knocks. It was later proven how stupid she really was when Smith and his agent hoodwinked her into signing Big Andre with a broken foot.

[Hofbraunow]

Who.....*Duh*.

[Emmit]

202 this weekend!

[Matt C]

@PAl

In what way did she look clueless? I've heard this before, but what is the evidence? She said the Raiders overpaid and that they were not obligated to beat their contract. Sounds like good business to me. Explain to me why a team must always pay more than the team who selects after them.

And you're suggesting the Andre's foot was broken before he started training camp? That's one I haven't heard before. So I guess he ran around on a broken foot for 2+ days masking his injury.

[MikeBrownGreedyClown]

I don't blame Blackburn for Blubba the Fat's holding out. The important factor there was instead of getting an 8 to 10 year rock solid OT they got fatty McFootbreak who barely beat out Dennis El Toro Roland

[Jason]

TELL MIKE BROWN HOW YOU FEEL DIRECTLY: mike.brown@bengals.nfl.net

[Jason]

Matt C. You are an idiot! Nothing about how this team is run says "good business" If Mikey boy and his moron daughter don't want to sign first round draft picks, then trade the pick. History has proven that this organization would rather win a the negotiating table with draft picks than win on the field. So I ask you, how is that good business? By continuing to nickle and dime draft picks they send message to the fans (the people that actually buy tickets) that winning isn't important. I would rather they trade their first round pick every year and get more picks than try to get "cheap picks" at the top of the draft! And if you look into this thing called "draft slotting" it will explain why the team that picks before another team is pretty much required to pay more than said team.

[Joe "angry bengal" hater]

viva la revolution. Stop buying merchandise and stop going to the games. I want to see no one at the rest of the home games. I want the bengals to be the lowest rated televised game ever. The only way for change is to to attack Mike Brown's pocket. Let the revolution begin.

[NonaLarson]

Houses are quite expensive and not everybody is able to buy it. Nevertheless, business loans are created to support different people in such cases.

[loan]

That is understandable that cash makes people independent. But how to act when someone has no cash? The only one way is to receive the home loans and bank loan.

[Botanical Slimming]

http://www.slimming-store.com/

[brand handbags online]

Mr. lipwak, I figured it out... thanks anyway.!