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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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October 15, 2010

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I thought for sure you'd be talking about Odom. Although ... everyone else is, so I guess you don't need to.

Odom's suspension was inevitable as soon as everyone started talking about him gaining 30 pounds of muscle without losing speed...also as soon as his achilles snapped. People who know much more than me informed me it was about the most blatant PED usage/injury they have seen in the league in awhile.

Antwaan is blaming this on ONE pill that was mistakenly given him by his wife whereby she gave him one of her diet pills instead of his prescription medicine. I'll be using that line myself soon....... Thx Twan.

Odom's excuse is the lamest one I've ever heard. They should have suspended him for that alone.

Could you please just tweet all these comments to me an hour before the game that I'm preparing to show up to in an hour? Thank you,

TO

If he's going to take PEDs, he should have just made it worth the suspension... Gain 60 instead of just 30 pounds...


Can we have the tag to the previous blog entry, regarding the Odom dope(y)ing incident(s) ?

[or maybe that's it, the one about our OC being a sociopath?]


Me (sobbing): Antwan, I defended you (boo-hoo (sobbing (face in hands) ) )

Antwan Odom: I'm on the tha da juice, papoose!!!
Oh Yeah!!!!
(Achilles tendon snaps)
Oh Yeah!!!

(Antwan starts to come down...
...wait, no he doesn't ):
Dam you quit whinin'
'bout my Slim Fast on; cuz it's ON!!!
OH YEAH!!!

FIN


Dear Antwan's wife:

THANKS A LOT, DELILAH

signed,

The AFC North Philistines
(you know who we are)


When God was handing out PEZ dispensers, Antwan thought, "dang, I wish I could just hinge my head back, and just have PEDs (which are diet pills) crammed down my neck, in single file1!"

God said, "Hey man, you're on your own with that one...why don't you just have a PEZ, out of this rare collectible Donald Duck PEZ dispenser?

Antwan replied, Disney's for homos and tourists; now stand back while I load my neck!!!

AAAAAAGGGHH!!! YUMMY!!! (snap)

Yes, by all means, let's keep blasting Odom.

"Antwan did not take a steroid or any other performance enhancing substance. While driving after midnight from Alabama to Cincinnati to report to training camp, Antwan's wife mistakenly opened her prescription pill bottle instead of Antwan's and gave him one of her prescription weight loss pills instead of Antwan's medicine. Naturally, Antwan's preseason urine test was positive for his wife's medicine.

"The NFL did not dispute the facts in this case and accepted the Cincinnati Bengals' weight records showing that Antwan's target reporting weight was 275 lbs. and that he actually reported at 255 lbs., confirming that Antwan had no reason to take a weight loss medicine. The steroid program's administrator, Dr. John Lombardo, testified that no competitive advantage was gained by this mistake and that no physical difference would be apparent to Antwan from taking his wife's medicine as opposed to his own.

"Harold Henderson, the hearing officer designated by Commissioner Goodell to hear Antwan's appeal, found 'credible and convincing evidence that Mr. Odom inadvertently took medicine prescribed for his wife,' yet, Mr. Henderson concluded that as 'sympathetic as this case may be' and though a four game suspension may be 'unfairly harsh,' he lacked the authority to alter the discipline."

Cornwell argued that Odom's case demonstrates the need to reform the league's discipline regarding drug testing.
NFL RedZone

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"While the NFL and the NFLPA maneuver for upcoming collective bargaining negotiations, Antwan's case is a stark reminder that the issues they will consider impact men's lives. The strict liability rule in the steroid program enabled the NFL's lawyers to argue that the facts did not matter in Antwan's case. Tell that to Antwan and his wife, Brooke, the Bengals and their fans, and to any fair-minded person who recognizes that as legitimate as the objectives of the NFL's steroid program may be, none of these objectives is served by Antwan's suspension."

So the NFL, including Goodell's steroid suspension goon, admit that at least insofar as this suspension goes, Odom didn't do anything wrong apart from have a substance in his body at one time that had zero bearing on how he played or prepared for football.

If you want to rip him for being a user in the past or even present, whatever, that's fine. But at least dig a little deeper than PFT headlines or something before making sweeping judgments or triple posts of opaque jokes.

The bottom line is that Goodell has deemed that Odom took something by accident, gained nothing from it, and that this is worth the same suspension he'd give for rape.

The real issue here is how Goodell is intent on keeping his "brand franchises" like the Steelers and Pats clean, and promoting their name and image. The rest is just collateral.


But what about the 30-lb. muscle gain,
with no loss in speed,
and the snapped Antwanes Tendon?
What is that, some kind of water under the bridge? And, should we really believe that Brook-lilah
was not slipping her man a mickey, or a bennie,
or even a Flintstone vitamin?

Either way, I don't think he should have received the same sentence as Ruthlesshamburger did...

Mockenrue -
Most comment posts on this website of that length are usually so long because they have no particular point or direction, and I expect a bunch of keyboard diarrhea.
Im pleasantly surprised by some interesting news, although it was more fun to make fun of Odom as another Katie Blackburn free agency disaster.

I keep expecting someone to lay down another 3 page run-on sentence of Bengals Kool-Aid. Not enough homer-ism going on here these days.

Odom gained weight, didn't lose speed, and picked up a whole bunch of suck. Total sacks in 2010: ZERO.
Another Bengals free agent bust, for the most part (one game against the Packers where he got the benefit of playing across from a guy playing out of position)

This is Mike Asshat Brown's idea of a good free agent signing: Antwan Odom, seven years in the NFL, of which he started all 16 games in exactly one.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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