IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)
29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
This Project Mayhem task is unfunny, uninspired, and flat-out sucks.
However, the taking to task of said shitty Philthadelphia journalist was hilarious and apropo.
Posted by: Wyatt | October 11, 2010 at 05:21 PM
"unfunny, uninspired, and flat-out sucks"
Thats exactly how I describe the Bengals offensive playcalling!
Posted by: Sly Vramavomovich | October 11, 2010 at 06:12 PM
How about we show up at their practices, and challenge them to a scrimmage?
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 11, 2010 at 08:57 PM
Better yet, it would be great to get to do an "Offensive Coordinator For A Day",
and go against Bratkowski in a practice scrimmage,
or maybe the NFL could have an ongoing contest, where they pick some lucky WINNER each week, to work as OC on the team the Bengals play each Sunday...
I would enter that contest, even though it's obvious there's people here that could do an excellent job anyway
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 11, 2010 at 09:01 PM
So sayeth Joe's Crab Shack:
Free Crab Tomorrow
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 11, 2010 at 09:42 PM
Project Mayhem #NOW (part 2):
"The Hat Trick"
We get a stuffed animal, in the likeness of Bob Bratkowski, and we line up,
(and possibly accept donations, in return for a hat and a place in line)
and smack the Bob Bratkowski with our hats
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 11, 2010 at 09:48 PM
Project Mayhem #NOW (part 3):
We infiltrate PBS (by way of free tickets we found in the trash of USA veterans and their families)
and we rush the field, a la Greg Gall, only instead we intercept the ball during a Bengals offensive possession
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 11, 2010 at 09:55 PM
Maybe that guy didn't like the Phillies being referred to as "being named after cream cheese",
and so he is going to hate on some Cincinnati Goetta...whatever...I wouldn't want to just eat goetta, but it is pretty good...like my palate and tastebuds are really hurt by that Philbert's article
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 11, 2010 at 10:22 PM
Burning Man Cincinnati, 2010
1. Meet in Parking Lot before Bengals game.
2. Beers, brats and good food for all. Hopefully get some steaks from Dave Shula's steak house, and put a sign over that that says "The last Bengals Head Coach was so good that now he runs a steak house."
3. Burn Mike Brown in effigy, piss on fire to put it out.
4. Burn Bengals tickets, warm hands over fire.
5. Leave parking lot and go do something fun -- as opposed to watching stinking Bengals play a game, which is an activity like that scene where they tortured the new James Bond dude by hitting him in the nuts.
Posted by: MikeBrownStillSucks | October 11, 2010 at 11:52 PM
Hmm... what a 'nice' way to place yourself right in the legal crossfire that WILL result from someone following your instruction. Bright -- VERY FUCKING BRIGHT!
Just to tell ya folks, this idiot is stating the if you ever see 'those' people, throw trash at them with imbedded instruments that, believe it or not, can actually kill someone if the right (or wrong -- depending on how you look at it) things happen. SMAAAARRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
So, here's what you do as well... ...At best you might want to write the word: GARBAGE on a piece of paper and throw it into a trash bin -- in front of their faces -- at least to avoid GOING TO JAIL like this 'bright' person was suggesting.
So people, get mad, write on here, do things like that etc., don't go assaulting someone because some 'apparently mental deficient' is suggesting. Stick by your original guns, don't waiver, don't sell out because something is happening due to special conditions that is opposite of what history has shown.
Besides, did you really think that Mikey Boy Brown was going to leave because of this website? BWAHAHAHAHA!
Posted by: wch | October 12, 2010 at 01:39 AM
Wch was tragically born without a sense of humor or the ability to form fully coherent posts.
Posted by: Mockenrue | October 12, 2010 at 02:00 AM
...however, he *was* born with quite the "bwahahahaha" for Mike Brown...
...and, just to prove that point, why yes, yes I do think that Mike Brown is going to sell the team, and/or leave town, because of this website, WDR...now, go ahead, it's your birthright...
btw, nobody says "smart" like that in real life do they, with a bunch of "T"s, or T-sounds on the end of the word, really?
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 12, 2010 at 02:42 AM
Also, if the aim of certain comments is to motivate,
I think they're way too roundabout,
and way too obviously-sympathetic of Mike Brown
*** Do not taunt the WDR ***
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 12, 2010 at 02:48 AM
Burning Man Cincinnati, 2010 = :
= some guy in PBS parking lot, in a burlap tutu (which he bought at the Bengals Pro Shop), shirtless (yet paintless), wearing a knit cap with goofy tassles (though rated for sub-zero temperatures), which he only wears in >80-degree weather
Burning Man Cincinnati, 2010 = :
dudes from the suburbs being 'tribal', and dancing to the new Bengals theme song, which is Welcome To The Benny Hill Show
I am there
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 12, 2010 at 03:04 AM
new James Bond dude = new "Ned Beatty -after-acting-in-the-movie-"Deliverance" = career of regret
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 12, 2010 at 03:13 AM
hey first off... im a juggalo... and you spelled it wrong.... second off that doesnt mean im an idiot... i am well educated and i have a good job and know how to run my life... i just love the music... third off, i AM and idiot cause for some reason i love cincy sports...
Posted by: juggalotus | October 12, 2010 at 07:11 AM
I'm guessing at your job, they use proprietary software called "Juggalotus Notes"
(a bit of IT humor there)
And when you love the music, then all the notes probably sound like Juggalotus Notes to you
Posted by: Hofbraunow | October 12, 2010 at 08:46 AM
ICP sucks.
The bengals managament sucks, ergo, Mike's new nickname is Silent Gay.
Bobbo's new nickname Shaggy too Moronic.
Carson is some juggalette slut.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fuck this team
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This Project Mayhem task is unfunny, uninspired, and flat-out sucks.
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