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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« Pennsylvania: Where Bad People Deserve Their Shitty Lives | Main | Project Mayhem Task: Trash for Trash »

October 11, 2010

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I can't wait to see Tide's droning in-depth analysis which nobody sticks around to read. I'm sure somewhere in the third chapter he'll come to the conclusion that the Bengals "played pretty well" except for a few "fluky interceptions".

Don't be a dick. I saw Tide at the Bengals Bar yesterday...I'm pretty sure he left to burn down half of manhattan due to the Bengals shittiness even before they gave the game away.

You should have continued with Project Mayhem, you actually thought this team was going to be better? lol I thought this was what this site was all about? I guess not. You guys sound like the bunch of Cincy weenies that continue to go to the games and buy into MFB's product. I told you to start a FIRE BRAT NOW campaign, but you are believing all the hype. lol

Even this site will never learn. Mediocre Marv needs to be FIRED for that despicable play calling down the stretch, but in MFB land he will get an extension and raise. Get with it people, nothing has changed and all is still the same. Until MFB hires a GM and steps away from this game will anything ever change for the better, but since we cannot get the old gezzer to step down then you need to put pressure on him from not buying tickets, merchandise and concessions, etc...

FIRE BRAT AND FIRE MEDIOCRE MARV NOW!

Fire Marvin now, let him Zimmer pick some new assistants and let his era here begin.

Marvin is gone either way - when the Bengals go 4-12 this year, he'll act like the parting is mutual.
I don't know if Palmer gets cut or not. If the Bengals are as bad as I think they are, they'll be able to draft a new quarterback very high and cut Palmer.

But the problem remains - all of these moves (cuts, firings) would take balls from a team that has proven that they prefer stability to winning.

The Reds give me hope. The NL Central is a very, very, bad division. But I like the idea of Cueto, Volquez, Arroyo, Wood and either Leake or Bailey. That could be 5 very good starters. There is potential of that team being on the rise.

Sad. No, more like fucking pathetic.

HANG ON SLOOPY!

Here's a project mayhem idea - stop buying tickets and going to games. If Marvin isn't let go after this year, I don't think I'll even bother to watch, let alone go to games. He is so awfully putrid at managing a game I literally can't watch anymore.

To be fair, I do think he and Carson have done a lot to change the culture around the team, but that's not enough to make a super bowl realistic.

The Reds' performance in the NLDS -- two shutouts separated by the Benny Hill show -- was a complete debacle, but a forgivable one in my opinion. There are a lot of young guys on the Reds, and the immensity of the playoffs swallowed them. But they will learn from it and be better for it. And more importantly, the Reds organization will not be satisfied with merely making it to the playoffs. They expect more, and they are driven to deliver more to fans.

The Bengals' choke jobs the last two weeks have not been nearly as colossal as the NLDS. But it feels just as big because I have no reason to hope that they will ever figure out how to fix their problems. "We have to work harder." "We have to eliminate the mistakes." How long have we been subjected to quotes like these? But nothing changes. Carson called yesterday a must-win game, and this is the best that a sense of season-on-the-line urgency can muster? Good grief.

I thought the Bengals would be smarter than to fall into the trap that they did in 2006 when they expected to win just because the division champs had taken the field. I was wrong.

But the biggest kick in the shorts is that I have absolutely no reason to believe that Mike Brown is upset with how his team is playing. Castellini canned a couple of pretty good GMs because he wouldn't tolerate losing. Mike Brown sits in his office, sips at a glass of Welch's Best and begins thinking about next year's draft.

You can scream about firing people. You can scream about what coaches suck. What you can't do anything about is who owns and runs the team.

This is what Mike Brown had to say after the game to Katie. It was a competitive football contest in which it's too bad someone had to lose and today that was us but, we will dust ourselves off and try our best to get the next one.

You see, for MFB it's not about winning it never has been it's about being competitive.

The organization or lack there of has many problems and what goes on all year long off the field is what leads to poor play and focus on Sundays. I would not be surprised if Palmer retires after this season realizing it's a waste of time to even try when in a Bengal uniform.

You can tell Marvin, his coaches, and the players have no urgency to win. They all know that it is what it is so suit up and collect that check which is just following MFB's lead.

One bright spot, Jerome "half decade plan" Simpson finally made his way onto the field Sunday which if anything should make you fell good knowing that the "Bengal scout" was right when they selected him 5 rounds early many years ago. I don;t think any better player could have filled that roster spot.

Discuss

*Sigh*

That stupid call with that wideout being called in bounds with the ball hitting the ground and a foot up while catching it, is another in a string of bad calls.....

But the game never should have been that close.

The biggest mistake???

Who the FUCK called the pass play?

Accountability, folks. That play was a dumb as it comes, and no one deserves to be called a professional and still make that play call.

Find out who it was, and have them pack their shit.

My facebook status after the game yesterday said it all:

"Yet another reason Bob Bratkowski needs to be replaced as the Bengals' offensive coordinator - up 7, two minutes left in the game, Cedric Benson has been running the ball effectively and is generally a better 4th quarter back, so you...THROW THE BALL DEEP?!? Something you did approximately 14 times in 17 games last season? Moron."

Wyatt,
Your post makes me wonder if instead of playing smart, they will stop taking risks, making this entire thing worse.

yesterday was the last day.. once i saw Carsons press confrence i screamed at the tv.. "its simple mistakes"

i have had it.. ive have backed this team from my childhood into my 30s.. i will not do it anymore not until mike brown is dead and hopefully a gm is hired. to have that "talent" on the field and lose to the browns and the bucs.. no.. im done.. im no band wagon fan either.. but i cannot do it anymore.

when dave shula coached his last game in 96.. i was on top of the dug out at candlestick screaming obcenities at him as he ran off before the team.. but at 18 i didnt know it wasnt his fault. im sorry dave.. it was mike brown all along.

there is only one mistake. and it was that paul Brown left this team to his high functiong retard of a son..

there has only been one glimmer of hope.. in the 20 seasons since that playoff game in LA (bo Jacksons last game in the NFL) and really the only time that really came was after the 02 season when marvin was hired and we all saw the difference from week two of 03 season on. until kimo planted his shoulder in carson knee.

remember how when the bengals beat the 9-0 cheifs.. remember that game. i live in california.. i dont think i had ever felt so good being a bengals fan then that day... walking out of the bar i frequent for games at 1:30... drunk and screaming..

the cheifs kept getting the ball at midfield and they stopped them.. then the punt return.. then the td catch..

remember the game in baltimore when they came back being down 24-3..

remember that steelers game in 05 in pittsburgh.. then the 2nd play from scrimmage... it all dies right there.. all of it..

you go from a team of no bodies beating an undefeated team to losing to the goddamn bucs..

until that man is dead.. and in the fucking ground im done.


Okay, Project Mayhem #NOW:

("now" is "won" spelled backwards...see how that works ?)

Let them keep their five bucks, and we kick the front office in its sport-coat wearing, shoulder-padded nuts for free

[ I'm sure it would be welcomed as a sweet deal, to the fiscally shrewd MFB ]


ZOMBIE [Bengals] NATION


Dear President Bengals:

Um, I don't know if you know; I don't know if you've heard, or seen the latest results, don't know if you were there, or saw or whatnot, but uh, um, it seems that you are lagging in the polls a bit sir

Sincerely,

Many Cincy Serfs and Disavowed Vassals

The difference between the Reds and the Bengals is the Reds got new management and got good whereas the Bengals are run by the man whose skull is thicker than battleship armor.

Castellini bought a crappy team in 2006 and they made the playoffs in year five. Jocketty was there in the middle of year three, so he's been on the job not very long. Krivsky got rid of Josh Hamilton so he can't have been the biggest genius, but compared to Mike Brown he's fucking Einstein and Newton rolled into one!

Fuck Mike Brown.

This is my Project Mayhem idea:

Burning Man Cincinnati, 2010
1. Meet in Parking Lot before Bengals game.
2. Beers, brats and good food for all.
3. Burn Mike Brown in effigy.
4. Burn Bengals tickets.
5. Leave parking lot and go do something fun as opposed to watching stinking Bengals play a game, which is like getting poked in the eye with a hot dog on a stick.

Vous souriez pas, semer la langue, la culture, arrosés de sueur, avec des efforts pour hydrater, lisser magnifiquement écrit, la déclaration du contrôle de texte avec des crayons, j'ai beaucoup d'admiration.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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