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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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October 06, 2010


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Phase 1: reds vs. phillies
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: reds win series
Phase 4: profit


Oh yeah, and fuck Mike Brown.

Listen, guys, I hope none of you have any idea how bad Phillies fans are from personal experience. I spent July 2009 through early August 2010 in Philly/Cherry Hill, NJ (right across the river), so I dealt with those mongoloid mouth breathers quite extensively. As badly as I hate the Yankees, I'm glad they won the World Series last year, just because it means Philly didn't. Did you hear about the guy that got killed near the stadium during a Phillies' game last year? He was at his friend's bachelor party at a bar in the sports complex and one of his other friends spilled another guy's beer. They left the bar and spilled beer guy and his friends followed them out, started a fight, and the guy in the bachelor party ended up dying like two days later from head wounds. AND THEY WERE ALL PHILLIES FANS!

A bigger bunch of savages I've yet to meet.

Nobel Prize?

I hate the Phillies, Roy Oswalt, and Mike Brown.

well that went poorly

No hitter? Whatever. Philly can still eat shit.

Eat shit Philly, your uniforms suck; I always thought they looked like sad Reds-wannabe outfits;

Your team is named after girl horses, and your city is nicknamed "The City Of Brotherly Love [for girl horses]"

Wait a minute, your team is actually named after cream cheese (or many individual cream cheeses)...with a name like that, Philly, you are obviously into fat women at office parties...oh yeah, have some of that dip, that dip, and whatever's in that dip...what do you mean 'whatever'? More like, whatever and cream cheese...lucky you...have at it,
you buncha P-hats!!!

Wow that was like waiting umpty-ump years for the playoffs and Carson gets hurt on play #2 from scrimmage.
The Reds waited fifteen long miserable fucking years to get to the playoffs only to not get one fucking hit. Fuck it.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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