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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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October 25, 2010


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The Bengals/PBS are like PBS...

Always corporate-funded (by the CHUBB Group of Insurance Companies), but they'll be glad to accept your membership, for their fine programming...can't wait for the Ken Burns special, titled:

"The Bengals: An Unpleasant, Lengthy Subject, With Which Me And My Penciled-On Mustache Can Deeply And Mysteriously Empathize, And I'm Serious You People"

There are about 60,000 suckers born every decade in Cincy, I guess.

I dont know man, the "sell-out streak ended" headlines seem to come up about as often as the "Favre retired" headlines. People might go to see if the bengals can beat the other worst team in the nfl. (we already played the panthers)

Stadium Security is the streak-buster

Jenn Sturgeon is the streak-buster

We need to start hiring Victoria's Secret models, for our PSA posters: I'd rather wear nothing than wear licensed Bengals gear

For all your irrelevance, Hof, you've actually stumbled on something genius there - I don't know that it necessarily has to be Victoria's Secret models, but get a few attractive female Bengals fans to pose nude with the tag line "I'd rather wear nothing than give money to Mike Brown" with the tagline "If you're buying Bengals clothing or tickets, you're contributing to a culture of mediocrity - STOP THE MADDNESS!", throw it on some billboards, and that's sure to attract some attention.

The stands at that game will warrant the same description that Brad Johansen used for the Bengals' play in the first half of the Falcons game: "The Ugly is at full force today."

Come to think of it, that could work for the women of the West Side too. *rimshot*

The ugly is at full force today which will live in infamy (on the west side)

The time is now, to start our "I'd rather" campaign against the MFB juggernaut, boogersnot, war machine store machine, whore machine, bore machine...

"Make love, not ticket sales"

"There are plenty of much more savory things you could spend your money on:"

I'd Rather:

* go get braces,
and then chew on some steel wool

* wipe my ass with a sea urchin

* wear a mano-war jellyfish for a shower cap

* eat a pile of mano-war tentacles,
like they were pasta from LaRosa's

than spend any money on PBS/Bengals tickets and/or merchandise

that's "man o' war", or "man-o-war" jellyfish, and not 'mano war', like mano y mano war...that would be like a global barfight.

Here's a (disappointing) thought... Mike Zimmer head coach of Dallas next year? Less disappointing... Marvin Lewis head coach of Dallas next year?

More than likely, what will happen is that Mikey Boy will arrange for a business entity to buy the remaining tickets (at a discount (but not too much of one! hehe)) but to do so after the Thursday television 'blackout' deadline. Lord Knows that's been done in the past. That way he gets to 'spank the hands' of those that did NOT buy tickets (his petty way of getting back at them), but yet he gets to tell potential sponsors: "See I can pack in 70,000+ fans and they are ALL going to be able to see what you are wanting to peddle!" It looks good for the visiting team (and the local sponsors) to show that the stadium is full.

This is Mikey Boy Browns' M.O. See, he doesn't like to see himself get punished for the bullshit that he's produced but he'd smack another person down in a "New York Minute"

See, we all could have been done with this 'cancer' if YOU weren't a bunch of spoiled children: "If our team leaves, we will be a second-class city (hint: we aren't even a fourth-class city)! We have to have a pro-football team! We're Melting, We're Melting!"

Then again, this would ALL be different if only we had an indoor practice facility -- yeah, Dat's Da Ticket! NOT!

It does not matter who the head coach is, it does not matter who the assistant coaches are, it does not matter if there was a indoor practice facility, the bottom line is what happens off the field all year long is what leads to what transpires on the field during the season.

Today we say goodbye to Pacman for the year and the answer is lets drop TE Daniel Coats and pick up TE JP Foschi, that's an answer. It's a comedy of errors over and over again but I here back in 4th grade JP played offense and defense in pee wee football so who knows maybe a switch.

I wonder how much consulting the Bengals 3 "scouting consultants" on payroll had to do with bringing JP back??? It's a fucking joke....

at least stonehands is out

WCH nailed it. There is nothing to do in this city which makes having a shitty sports organization worse. Think of all the fun and or good we could do than shelling money to the Bengals. I have stopped wasting that money two years ago. I highly suggest doing the same thing if you love your Bengals. Because MB is raping all of us of our joy and money while at the same time he is water boarding our team

@The Sontag:

If Zimmer's defense keeps underperforming to the epic levels we've seen thus far, we can rest easy in the knowledge that he'll be taking Marvin's place. (And also that there's a very good possibility Marvin will get the Dallas head coaching job - from Bob Bratkowski to Jason "Swing Pass" Garrett - that's a "huge" upgrade.)

What has Marvin Lewis really done to deserve another Gig in the NFL? Really?

He's supposed to be a Super Defensive Genius like Rex Ryan, but he shows up in Cincy and blows through defensive coordinators like Wall Streeters blow through credit default swaps... and up until last year's Flukey "Z-fense" the Bengals were *just as shitty* on defense as in every stinking year since about the time Paul Brown stopped coaching them.

Meanwhile in Baltimore they kept rolling along with great defense because they got a Hall of Fame guy finding awesome defensive talent from Ray Lewis to Ngata. And in New York when the Jets hired another of those Baltimore defensive genius guys their defense got good in a hurry.

Not to mention the fact the Bengals are one of the least disciplined, most predictable teams in terms of their false start penalties and their crappy play calling.

So what the heck has Marvin Lewis done, really? He took a handful of good players handed to him by previous coaches (Ochocinco, Levi Jones, TJH, Rudi J, Willie Anderson) and added the first pick in the entire draft, Carson Palmer, and managed to eke out a winning year in 2005. Last year's encore was a poor shadow of 2005, resting on a couple flukey wins at division opponents and at Green Bay who were banged up, whereas outside the division the Bengals were shit (apart from the Green Bay game pretty much)

If the Cowboys are stupid enough to hire Marvin Lewis they deserve to keep sucking.

Once again, the ultimate goal of the WDR is

***to have the Bengals field a winning team***

The best chance to influence that is to pressure current ownership/management (or lack thereof) to make the proper changes, toward fielding a winning Bengals team.

Such influence is exercised in the form of boycotting PBS ticket sales, and official/licensed Bengals merchandise (really, presenting any Bengals stuff, licensed or not, is free advertising for Mike Brown)

As far as the team moving, I wouldn't want to see that happen. I like watching the Bengals on TV.

IMO, the Bengals have no context outside of Cincinnati. This is where Paul Brown put them.

If the team moves, they will likely get a different name and other 'makeover' stuff (team colors, uniform design, etc.)

I don't go to Bengals games or buy their stuff. I don't think anyone who visits this site spends money on the Bengals. If they do currently, they should pretty much f-off and go whine somewhere else, since they'll be back there at the next home game.

But really, I don't think most visitors here patronize PBS or its Pro Shop, or Bengals merchandise in general. Maybe there's plants or lurkers, but I think most posters here don't subsidize the current, long-standing on-field failures, i.e. which have resulted from current ownership arrangements.

Basically, I think most people who visit here at WDR "get it", and I'm not sure why certain finger-pointing/'I-told-you-so's show up from time to time, usually after a latest Bengals loss...

When they do lose, the WDR's point is taken...perhaps it is forgotten by some, near the start of a new regular season game, manifested in degrees ranging from pathetic to tragic...such is the fallen nature of Bengals-Douchebaggery.

The WDR is here to help by reminding you that:

you can still be a Bengals Douche and not give money to the Mike Brown Wehrmacht,
because the phoenetic pronunciation of that is
"Mike Brown, We're Mocked [or Ve're Mocked, if you like].

The Bengals may lose, Mike Brown may collect many sheepskins, but if the WDR's goals are achieved, not one Douchebag will be counted among those sheepskins...

The WDR is not mocked

@Hofbraunow: But what if the only choices are:

(a) Mike Brown and then his daughter continue to run this team like the clueless show, for the next thirty years.

(b) The team moves to somewhere else and maybe gets named something else and gets owned by competent people.

If those are the only choices I take (b).

It would be *nice* if pressure (i.e. boycotting the evil Brown spawn) could make them change their ways, but they look to be about the most stubborn mules in the known Universe. So that's why it looks like (a) or (b) is all we get.

The saddest thing is the record referenced above 54-56-1. These numbers represent Brown Family Status Quo. They represent competition not winning or losing which is what MFB's goal has been since he took over.

You have to spend to win and no one would complain, when losing games revenue goes down and the people complain which forces periodic change, but at 500 it's the perfect business model of do as little as possible to reap the most benefits.

The Bengals organization work the hardest Tuesday through Friday the week of a home game to ensure a sellout. Only if they were as organized, passionate, and dedicated to building a real football organization and team/product during the off season we would all be happy and they could take those days off in season because the games would be sold out every year in advance.

Speaking of status quo, keep in mind that we only have 10 games to go until the press conference where Bobbo is introduced as the new head coach. He will keep that slightly sub .500 record safely in tact.

Pass the Pepto. I think I'm going to be sick.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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