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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble
IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

Inaugural Post

Click here to read more about the Who Dey Revolution Manifesto in our Inaugural Post

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« Least Surprising News Ever | Main | Predicted Bengals.com Headline »

September 12, 2010

"Hi, I'm Tom Brady. I know what you're thinking right now. How can my hair look like his? Well I'll let you in on a little secret. This hair product can't be bought in stores. It can't even be bought on the streets, unless you're in Pittsburgh, but let's be honest, Pittsburgh doesn't exist anymore. My hair is styled and coiffed with 100% horse splooge. Look at PeeWee on my arm. He's a little surprised that I'm giving away my secret, but I'll be damned if he hasn't dipped into the stables himself before. That little fucker knows a thing or two about equine wonders."

Posted by Sly Vramavomovich on September 12, 2010 at 09:44 AM in call another run, brat, I DARE YOU | Permalink

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We just ran a play. For dan coats. Fucking dan coats.

Posted by: Sleeping with bieniemy | September 12, 2010 at 01:24 PM

A real team would have opted to cover the Patriots' tight end.

Posted by: Mockenrue | September 12, 2010 at 01:26 PM

The Bengals suck as badly today as during any of their crappy days in the long 20 year dark ages of shit that Mike Brown has poured on Bengals fans.

F-ck you Mike Brown, you c-cksucker!

Posted by: MikeBrownStillSucks | September 12, 2010 at 02:00 PM

the pats have that "nobody believes in us" sht going. this is ugly

Posted by: artist formerly known as Section 101 | September 12, 2010 at 02:09 PM

Wow. The Bungles are back.

Posted by: Rich | September 12, 2010 at 02:12 PM

2010 will just prove the Who Dey Manifesto is needed. You guys really got think about getting project Mayhem back up and running, quick.

Posted by: MikeBrownStillSucks | September 12, 2010 at 02:14 PM

who is surprised by this? honestly?

Posted by: vince | September 12, 2010 at 02:43 PM

Great way to start the second half, boys. I'm watching the game with my girlfriend, who happens to be a Pats fan, and have repeatedly reminded her that she is literally incapable of understanding what it's like to be a Bengals fan. Nobody can understand unless they're already wearing those pants.

Posted by: Mockenrue | September 12, 2010 at 02:51 PM

@vince: Nobody who pays attention to the Bungles is surprised. Unfortunately there are a lot of fans who put money in Mike Brown's pocket who think last year was the start of something big -- if you go to Pro Football Talk there were Bengals fans talking smack about their hasn't-won-a-playoff-game-since-1990 team.

The dark ages never left. Two times Marvin Lewis found a nut and that makes him the blind squirrel magician of Cincinnati.

Posted by: MikeBrownStillSucks | September 12, 2010 at 03:17 PM

Bob Bratkowski FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: iknowit | September 12, 2010 at 04:18 PM

They just looked so slow, and stone-hands-ey out there today

Posted by: Hofbraunow | September 12, 2010 at 05:08 PM

'the pats have that "nobody believes in us" sht going. this is ugly'

I believe that TB is a disease, and shot is the cure,

and I also believe that TB is going to go home tonight and take it from his wife on his Jizz-elle Bun-Chin

Posted by: Hofbraunow | September 12, 2010 at 05:14 PM

Oh I do hope to visit some day! What a great place to work!

Posted by: ugg shoes | November 08, 2010 at 03:00 AM

BO BO BO BO.....I WANT THE SWEET LOVE.....

Posted by: supra shoes | February 11, 2011 at 05:20 AM

HO HO HO HO.......TELL IT EVERYBODY....CALL THE DJ ON THE AIR.....

Posted by: Air Jordans | February 12, 2011 at 03:46 AM

I save anything Older Son outgrows in a plastic bin in the basement for Younger Son & get him to try stuff on when the season changes.

Posted by: true religion outlet | April 17, 2011 at 08:56 AM

I am glad you are in the place where you can use your gifts. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I have had a blast these last 18 months. I am tired but very fulfilled and know that i am doing what God created me to do. Thanks for sharing and know that I am praying for you in your time of transition. Always available if you need to talk with another camp guy. Change is great.

Posted by: Christian Louboutin Outlet | August 30, 2011 at 11:09 PM

You're probably right that it would have been an awful experience, and they likely would have taken credit in the end for any creative input you had in the process...everything happens for a reason, and I'm sure you're better off where you are now! It also sounds like you learned from it, so that's invaluable!

Posted by: Puma Outlet Store | October 12, 2011 at 02:38 AM

I travel out of Texas frequently and I must say the roads here are very, very nice for the most part. Sounds like some of you are spoiled...take a trip to some of the other states and you and your car will be glad to be back on Texas highways. With that said I do agree politics is killing our transportation department.

Posted by: Justin Bieber Supra | October 12, 2011 at 09:47 PM

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Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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