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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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August 20, 2010

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Don't expect too much this evening. It could be ugly to watch at times if they did not game prep for the Eagles. According to Hob, I am getting my wish to see Rivers, Rey, and M.Johnson in the starting lineup. Does Johnson have a nickname yet? I hate writing M. Johnson.

I just hope to god we beat Lampham to giving him a name. I still hear him yelling "Big Cat" in my head from the 90's. I know he didn't have anything to do with giving Francis that nickname, but damn he loved yelling it in the microphone even when the offense was on the field.

Side story: one of friend's dad in undergrad was a coach for the Bengals, and I got to be on the sidelines and locker room for what turned out to be Shula's second to last game. It was a great experience. The game is a hell of lot faster then it seems on TV or in the stands and I was surprised when the team really took it personal after they lost on a last minute FG- you figure they would have been used to it by then. It was also fun to see KJ Carter pout on the bench when he was told to put his ass on it. God those were the days of absolute mediocrity. But to get off my tangent, I found out why Francis was called the "Big Cat" when he was walking around the locker room talking to reporters after the game. Christ they just should have just been blunt and called him Mandingo.

"Go watch Tango and Cash, for example, and tell me that a) it's not completely insane and b) those involved created the insanity intentionally. You can't"


Um, how dare you, sir, infer that I wasn't planning to watch Tango and Cash in the foreseeable future. I don't need your directive to revisit that which has shaped me. On the contrary, the pithy banter between Russel and Stallone is still fresh enough that each new viewing adds to the steadily accumulating legend in my mind.

Also, I agree that we should come up with a nickname for M. Johnson, esq.. My humble submissions: 1)lanky mean; 2) he-who-for-some-reason-did-not-choose-to-excel-in-basketball, or HWFSRDNCTEIB; 3)Tweener.

$13 for a movie ticket? You got ripped off.

M Johnson's nickname is Jevon Kearse.

For $13, I hope you watched those in IMAX. Next time buy the kids tickets at the kiosks. Saves you like $3-5 a ticket.

What does HWFSRDNCTEIB stand for?

I think you guys are forgetting I live in New York City. Shit be overpriced here. $13 is standard at the kiosks these days I believe.

I suck at nicknames, you'll have to look elsewhere I think.

Yeah I am in DC so I know what you mean. But seriously just buy kids tickets at the kiosks or Fadango. I thought everyone knew that.

Sly --

While Jevon Kearse is a good name for Michael Johnson, I prefer to use Peter Boulware.

I would hope that Johnson has a longer tenure putting up great stats than either of those "freaks"
I submit: Freaklash: freek'lash, Proper Noun, obvious combination of freak and slash.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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