Oh Hob, It's Been Too Long.

Hob seems to have come into training camp this year already in midseason form. Behold...

CANTON, Ohio - After Sunday night’s 16-7 loss to the Cowboys in the Hall of Fame Game, Batman (Terrell Owens) and Robin (Chad Ochocinco) stood at their lockers and began assigning other players to roles in the 1960s hit series they hope to revive in time for the NFL’s regular season.

Alfred the butler is quarterback Carson Palmer.

Correction. Carson Palmer is Batman. Chad is still Robin. And TO is one of Batman's gadgets that Mike Brown picked up from the discount bin at Radio Shack. 

Sunday’s mystery was if the real villain was the pass protection in an uninspiring offensive effort that netted just 136 of 179 yards through the air, particularly when Palmer mustered just a first down in of each of his two series, both on passes to Owens just 12 days after he joined the offense. But he was sacked once, had one ball tipped, and got hit as he threw another incompletion.

Yes Hob. Quite the mystery. I don't know if anyone will be able to crack the case of the why the offense looked horrible. Oh yeah, the Joker is played by Bob Bratkowski and Dennis Roland is his trusty switchblade, if that's any clue. 

A relaxed Owens held court forever in the jammed locker room of Canton’s McKinley High School team while The Ocho left his adjoining locker and met the media elsewhere. It didn’t take Palmer long to start the Owens era, hitting him on a sideline pattern on the left for seven yards and a first down on the second snap. On the next series he hit him for 11 more on the other side as he easily worked against man-to-man coverage. Palmer connected with Owens again over the middle for a short gain, but The Ocho had moved early to wipe it out.

“Excited; anxious,” said The Ocho, looking at another fine for some yellow shoes that didn’t find the yellow brick road.

What in the blue fuck? Okay, the first paragraph needs juuust a smidge of editing. As for the Ocho quote and accompanying description of his shoes. That is some crazy pills mixed metaphor shit right there. Whoah. Again, just to let it sink in. "Looking at another fine for some yellow shoes that didn't find the yellow brick road." Crazy sexxy beautiful is how one awestruck teacher described a young Hob's prose way back when.

The backup passing game and protection was not good. Backup quarterback J.T. O’Sullivan completed four of 11 passes for 33 yards. No. 3 Jordan Palmer played the entire second half and his two interceptions led to 10 points, one out of his own zone that turned into linebacker Brandon Sharpe’s six-yard touchdown return that made it 16-0 with 9:23 left.

Straight talk from a straight shooter right there. As Sleeping W/ Bieniemy already said yesterday, the Bengals are fucked if Palmer goes down. Like might as well forfeit the rest of the season fucked. I say Matt Jones and Brian Leonard should be penciled in as the backups and then let mad creative genius Bratkowski unleash the hounds if/when the O-Line lets someone obliterate Carson. 

Comments

[Demnuts]

Hey Num Nuts Brat isn't the Joker MJ Is....

[Mockenrue]

Does anyone else want to personally approach Hobson and firmly punch him in the nose every time he refers to Chad as "The Ocho?"

[Michael]

OK are we signing another "Johnson"?...RB for the Vikings. Saw it just now. Mike Brown if we need a good 3 down back look at Brian Westbrook.

Reds sign bullshit this week and now the Bengals.

Man I am frustrated with our teams.

[the truth]

Westbrook is one hit away from forced retirement. Also Westbrook won't want to come in and be 3rd on the depth chart. You can't justify knocking Scott down to third string there is just way too much potential there. My guess is if Leonard is out for an extended time Scott will be the 3rd down back and whoever else they keep will be just backups if Benson or Scott get overworked.

[blesterov]

I think after signing Johnson, they are just going to have to wait it out and see who gets cut from other camps. The Redskins will have to let one of their FA guys go.

[The truth]

Confused why is everyone freaking out about Leonard and wanting the bengaks to sign a big name?? If Cosby or Briscoe get hurt you don't trade for Randy moss. We still have our number 1 and 2 healthy and any pickup is just to add a number not a contributor. Leonard was a nice surprise last year but he was our number 3

[CurseofBoJackson]

To the folks bitching about James Johnson, the guy played pretty damn well at th end of 08 in limited snaps, and was pretty good on third down as well. I would rather ahve him on the team than Cordera Eason regardless of injury, same with Peerman. Guy's fast, has hands and has some positive experiences during the regular season. BTW, the Vikings signed him after Chester Taylor got hurt last year, but he was an undrafted FA signed by the Bengals in 08. smart move to go sign him for quality depth. Westbrook is a retarded idea.

[CurseofBoJackson]

Additionally, signing edmonds was smart for Jocketty, as we have a log jam in the OF and the old man is only here short term. He provides depth, a LH bat, and tons of experience to a team that sorely lacks it outside of Rhodes and Rolen and Arroyo. Sorry, couldn't let that one go