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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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August 17, 2010

I've Been Too Nice to Mike Brown Lately

I found myself listening to the Bill Simmons podcast with Rich Eisen previewing the NFL season.  They discussed, among other things, potential tweaks that could be made to the NFL to make it better.  Simmons, of course, has like 8 billion ideas on how to change shit. 

In response to his ideas, Eisen calmly points out how damn hard it is to change anything in the NFL because finding consensus among the owners can be extraordinarily difficult.  To illustrate his point, Eisen tells a story of the first time he attended an owners' meeting (I believe in 2003, maybe 2004). They held a vote to either continue using instant replay or to completely throw it out.  Now keep it mind replay had already been in use since 1999 (I believe), yet still this issue managed to come up for votes half a decade later.  Simmons asks Eisen who in the hell voted to eliminate replay?  The only name Eisen remembers:

Mike Brown.

Stories like these remind me why the Bengals still are just beginning to adjust to the modern NFL.  I would guess the credit for this rests mostly with Marvin Lewis and Katie Blackburn who must drag Mikey kicking and screaming into the modern era.  Mike Brown appears to have a knee jerk resistance to anything that threatens the paradigm he grew up under with his Daddy. 

Anyway, I hear Mikey treats his employees quite well...but if I worked for a man whose first instinct was to always and forever resist change I can't help but think I'd want to rip his fucking head off the majority of the time.  I'm sure Marvin feels this way often.

Posted by on August 17, 2010 at 05:35 PM in Bill Simmons, Mike Brown |

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Simmons' first order of business: Change New England's team name from the Patriots to WELKAAAHH NATION!

Posted by: Sly Vramavomovich | August 17, 2010 at 06:48 PM

Yeah but... Change for change's sake is asinine! Just look at our President -- he proved that one out FIRSTHAND! Just file that one away the next time you are thinking about this!

Posted by: wch | August 18, 2010 at 02:16 AM

Obviously all change is not good. But running a NFL team now they way you ran it with your dad in the 60s is fucking moronic.

Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | August 18, 2010 at 10:23 AM

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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