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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;


    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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August 04, 2010


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IOW... Same fucking Bengals?

I've been saying the same or lose, it'll be entertaining

This post sums up EXACTLY how I feel about the current season. I mean EXACTLY. It's like someone read my brain and posted it rather than me posting it.

Like it or not, football is entertainment, its implications are largely imagined (e.g. if the Yankees win the World Series tomorrow, does it mean that each individual New Yorker *won* something? Not exactly). We typically cheer and boo because, like any form of entertainment, we attach ourselves to a cast of characters and become so emotionally entangled that our moods actually become affected by the result.

Which is a psychoblab way of saying "winning or losing matters because we believe it does, but at the end of the day, football is entertainment."

The "3-13 with all the crazy $#!+ posted above" scenario would be INSANELY entertaining and sure would beat a mundane 8-8 season where nothing is won and no one is entertained. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather then Bengals win the Super Bowl (that would be SUPREMELY enteraining) but if that can't happen, then go the other way, not the "mediocre and boring" route.

Addendum: "Embrace the Circus" is a great slogan. I'm contemplating having a shirt made and wearing it to the CIN-ATL game...

"First place" schedule is the dumbest crock of shit. Only affects 2 games!!! 4 vs nfc divison, 4 vs afc division, 6 vs our own division, 2 against remaining 2 afc divisions that finished same place as you. On the plus side this is one of the easiest ways to separate out idiots who get force fed sports opinions by espn and regurgitate.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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