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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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May 11, 2010

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Thanks for the laugh Sly, good work.

This is a dash of salt is always good solid fun.

hilarious

---
Zimmer: A dirt cheap half assed replacement for Joseph or Hall? I will fucking murder you if you let either of them go. I will literally shove a whole western omelet through one of your beady canadian eyeballs and into your brain.---


IMO Joseph is gone Mike Brown is to cheap and loves offense to much to resign him & Hall....I do think they'll give Hall big money though obviously zimmer loves him after saying hes best defensive player in the nfl

Hysterical. Mike Brown Sucks!

I guess no one noticed JaMarcus Russell sitting behind Mike Brown...

Im sorry guys but Hall has got nothing on Joseph. If they had to let one of the two go it should be Hall.

Great story, made my morning.

Joseph is, by far, the better of the two, but Hall is the more durable, so it ends up a wash.

@Wyatt

I agree. Joseph has more raw talent as a cover-corner (which is VERY hard to find), but Hall seems to do everything pretty well. Hall will get burned from time to time, but he plays bump 'n run well, is physical, and can play the run and tackle well. He's just more aggressive.

Very tough call. We SHOULD keep both of them. But if I had to take one, I'd probably keep Hall since he seems to be more durable. But man, J Jo is probably top 3 when it comes to pure coverage ability (it's a long drop off after Revis, though--who we should have had if we had the balls to trade up once in a while).

Dumb

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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