John Cooper left his scouting notebook at a Columbus area Applebee's last night. One of our loyal comrades transcribed it and sent it to us.
First Round - Brandon Graham (DE - Michigan) - Graham was the only player on Michigan last year that had any heart. Was also a robotic killing machine, so that heart may have actually been a computer simulation of anger and despair. My scientific studies on the transformation in college football from human players to cyborgs is ongoing. Cyborgs seem to be very durable up until Will Smith has to eradicate them to save the world. Comparable players - Cletus the FOX NFL Robot.
Second Round - Kurt Coleman (DB - Ohio State) - Playmaker, sure tackler. Will on occasion go into PRIMORDIAL BEAST mode and fuck some shit up. Comparable players - Ronnie Lott, a Griffin.
Third Round - Jake Ballard (TE - Ohio State) - Good blocker, reliable receiver. 34 career receptions at Ohio State. Which is 34 more than any other Tressel coached OSU TE. Comparable players - Marco Battaglia, NOT COMPARABLE TO RYAN HAMBY, that fuck.
Fourth Round - C.J. Spiller (RB - Clemson) - Put up big numbers in a D-1AA conference (ACC?). Speed, agility. Could become develop into a spot starter at RB. Comparable players - Garrison Hearst, Pepe Pearson
Fifth Round - Eric Berry (DB - Tennessee) - Could be a good late round value pickup. Showed brief flashes of promise at Tennessee. Was usually overshadowed by UT's formidable offense though. Comparable Players - Antoine Winfield
Sixth Round - ?
Seventh Round - ?
Sorry, this is a hit off the old crack pipe. Spiller and Berry will go in the first round, well before we get a swing. But if we pick Brandon Graham with our first pick, I think that's a bigger mistake then if we draft a tight end with our pick. Nothing against the guy; but defensive line is soooo not representative of our first, second, or even third priority. I really hope this a bit of joke. ...honestly, I have no idea who John Copper is.... I hope his opinion doesn't matter.
Posted by: guttersnake | April 22, 2010 at 02:57 PM
Jokes aside, I think taking Ballard in a late round (6-7) would be a good pick-up.
Posted by: BED | April 22, 2010 at 05:11 PM
John Cooper is a former Ohio State coach who now scouts for the Bengals. This post is pure humor, so please treat it as such.
Posted by: Wyatt | April 22, 2010 at 07:40 PM
Thank you very much for your very thoughtful and considered comment. I approach the journey in very much the same way as you've described yours.
Posted by: Coach outlet | September 07, 2011 at 02:42 AM