IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)
29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
I dropped my feta chicken wrap to open the rest of this post faster. Upon completion of it, I feel that the WDR owes me a new feta chicken wrap.
Posted by: guttersnake | March 10, 2010 at 12:38 PM
Yeah - I'm a dick, you see.
Gotta read the post tags, it would have given it away.
Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | March 10, 2010 at 12:41 PM
OK, did I read that right? WTF? We resigned Stone Hands? I know he can block, but WTF? Wasn't it obvious that Carson STOPPED throwing him the ball because he couldn't catch it? So that's how we put a winning team together... I get it. Thanks a lot Mikehole!
If you couldn't tell - YES I'M PISSED ABOUT THIS!!!
Posted by: Jermdog | March 10, 2010 at 12:47 PM
You couldn't make this shit up. Sometimes I think MFB is screwing with us on purpose.
Posted by: HappyNat | March 10, 2010 at 12:54 PM
Mikey-Ball is back in full swing baby!
Posted by: Danno | March 10, 2010 at 12:56 PM
Just because the Bengals signed him (probably for league minimum) doesn't mean that he will play or even make the team. There needs to be depth. If the Bengals stop here at upgrading the position, then even I the most optimistic of fans will agree this is terrible. I have a feeling though that this is a just in case measure.
Posted by: WhoDeyFans | March 10, 2010 at 01:46 PM
WhoDeyFans: "I have a feeling though that this is a just in case measure."
Obviously you are new to Bengaldom.
Posted by: Jeff B | March 10, 2010 at 02:32 PM
You know, the Dan "the Man" Coats signing wasn't that bad....what am I saying? It was a really crappy signing. At least we still can sign T.O.!
Posted by: Crazyjoker9215 | March 10, 2010 at 02:35 PM
They resigned the suckiest suck who ever sucked, next to Jerome Simpson that is, who cannot even get on the flipping field.
Posted by: FeedMikeBrownToAquaBengal | March 10, 2010 at 02:38 PM
Just another sucking moment as a bengal fan. If they sign TO this fan of more than 25+ years is out the door.
Posted by: jimmer | March 10, 2010 at 02:44 PM
Jeff B,
I am not new. I however am able to look at the big picture.
Posted by: WhoDeyFans | March 10, 2010 at 02:45 PM
I should probably take this post down to before everyone just starts hating on each other. Daniel Coats everybody!
For the record, I could give two shits about signing him unless he sees the field. Even a cynical bastard like myself does not believe they consider Coats anything but practice squad-like fodder.
Posted by: Sleeping With Bieniemy | March 10, 2010 at 02:53 PM
Just signed Antonio Bryant...
Posted by: GregC 78&69 | March 10, 2010 at 03:18 PM