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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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February 23, 2010

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Showtime,

I throw up in my mouth when I think about Tebow coming to Cincinnati. I am sure he is a great guy and lives a perfect life. I just don't want this guy in Cincinnati, I would rather sign pacman I think.

No one can think this is a good idea right?

Oh, you better believe it. This is the rebirth of the Jon Kitna project, praise jesus!

He can't throw a 10 yard pass but, loves him some jesus. He is great in the clubhouse cause, he loves him some jesus.

I can't wait for 8 and 8 with crosses flowing around the city, praise jesus.

With all due respect to Sarah Palin (none), if they draft him any higher than the 6th round, they are RETARDED.

Fun article, but pure fantasy... or maybe a shocker/horror genre, I dunno. However, Tebow will not come to Cincinnati in this draft. Period. Wanna know why?...

Most obviously, because Tebow did not play for USC....

...but more notably, because Jacksonville picks before us. The Jags may have had an okay season but Wayne Weaver is in red big time with that team. Like Tenement Square RED. Jacksonville has two priorities in the off-season: No. 1 - Selling Tickets / Making Money (...in a way that would make Mikey Boy blush) and No. 2 - Finding someone who can fill the QB slot. Enter Tim Tebow.

Tebow has a cult following in Florida. Cult. Jacksonville has the smallest stadium in the NFL, which could be filled with only the 16-25 year old Christian girl demographic of his following... you could play him as a TE, FS, heck the Kicker, and the Tebow-ites would still take out season tickets to see him. Unless you've been to Florida in the last year, I can't really impress upon you how much of this is only a mild exaggeration.

Jacksonville might pass on him in the first round in an attempt to get a quick pick up like Rolando McClain or Joe Haden if the Browns let him slip, but mark my words Weaver will put his grandmother on the trading block to get Tebow if it comes to it. Mark my words. Tebow will be a Jaguar, not a Bengal.

At least... not for a few years until he stinks up the NFL and Mikey Boy gets him the cheap at about the time Palmer is looking at the QB retirement plan. Then we can panic and write blogs.

I think Tebow would fit right in with all the freaky deaky conservatives in Cincy that love Sarah Palin, Gun, and that hate all things modern. He could even pass out free circumcisions around town and really clean up the bad parts.

The nonsense aside, I would take him with a compensation 3rd rounder or 4th rounder and see if he can be a better backup than the Irish Twins they've had the last two years, or a decent TE, but he won't make it past Jacksonville in the 2nd if he falls that far.

The best part about this entire post and its ensuing comments?

guttersnake's "Tenement Square RED".

Dude, I laughed for like ten minutes when I read that. If you're going to make a reference, at least get it right. It's "Tiananmen", which translates to "Gate of Heavenly Peace".


The best answer we can hope for, is a borrowed soundbite (maybe even with video), of a tearful Tebow saying

"You will never..."

:)

My bad.

I just raced through the spell check, Wyatt. I also left out a preposition in my last bit if anyone else is counting. Thanks for the lesson in the finer points though... I'm sure it will help my pub trivia night!

There isn't enough laughing on this site anymore... At least I could add to that, even if unintentionally.

he will make a great TE ;)


Now, just what was it TT did for TB?

What, mud on the eyes?
Did he tell TB to 'get up and walk'?
Saved him a trip to the Party Source
(you know...for wine)?

What gives, man?

I know this is off the topic but saw this on NFL.COM

A pair of 2009 division champions will kick off the 2010 NFL preseason when the Dallas Cowboys take on the Cincinnati Bengals in the Pro Football Hall of Fame Game in Canton, Ohio on Sunday, August 8, the Hall of Fame and NFL announced Wednesday.

How great would it be for the WHODEYREV to show some love at the hall of fame...lol.

Any ideas......

guttersnake,

Please don't get all butt hurt.

Sincerely,
Wyatt

@ Wyatt - I actually appreicate the correction. I'm an author in real life. I laughed myself when I re-read it. Not butt hurt. Really.

@ Michael - REALLY?! The WDR would be foolish not to plan a little 'something'.... you know there will be press like crazy and the commute is extremely reasonable. Screw a billboard, get some air time! Get the boys at ESPN to take some notice of the Revolution! Heck, The Stripes might even win too!

This might deserve its own post.......

@guttersnake,

The smartass in me wants to point out that you misspelled "appreciate"; however, while the part of me that doesn't want to push this too far and completely cross over the jerk line realizes I just did. Please don't take me too seriously. If I post a response that's less than three paragraphs or so, it's generally not serious, and I'm actually (usually) a pretty decent guy.


Montreal Alouettes lol...

They should play the Green Bay Cheeseheads,


for a special Dairy Hall of Fame weekend game

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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