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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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January 06, 2010

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Saying that the Bengals need to keep Zimmer is as obvious as saying that men like boobs.

If Denise Milani actually knew I existed and asked me for something, you had better believe that there are few indignities I wouldn't suffer to get it done.

Amen. Get it done, Mike.

Pay him close to what Marvin makes. Next year when Marvin's contract expires decide who you want more as head coach.

Nice usage of Denise Milani, Major - she's about as good a choice as you could make for the boob analogy.

In terms of the Zimmer Project Mayhem task, if he's got no point of contention to coming back to the Bengals and it boils down to money, THEN WHY AREN'T WE DOING A PROJECT MAYHEM TASK!?!

Katie Blackburn is going to jerk Zimmer around until she reads ESPN.com in about 2 months when she reads Mike Shannahan and Casserly wants to pay Mr. Zimmer the dolla-dolla bills to jump ship. Then she'll give him a real offer and he'll be so p*ssed that he'll take the other job out of spite of Brown and his progeny. Thanks! ill be here all week...

Viva... except maybe we should hope for a 2 pronged Automobile accident...

Kind of late in the game at this point Wyatt. Would be nice if the crowd would get some "we want Zimmer" or similar style chants going. Loudly and repeatedly.

"Bring Back Zimmer" would work as a chant too. Probably the best option.

Are you guys slow today? Uh, how about a "Bring back Zimmer" billboard? What was it last time, like $4,500 or something? If we win on Saturday, you'd probably have enough money in donations on this site by Monday night (once people sober up). We're talking 225 people @ $20 each. Not that big a deal. You'd get the message out loud and clear. DO IT!!!

@SM - I'll discuss with the higher-ups at WDR.

In other news, the Bengals appear to be missing offseason opportunities already. Charlie Weis just signed with KC (I wonder if he got a FUPA bonus?) His Notre Dame ties notwithstanding, the guy is a GREAT offensive mind--for those who don't know, he used to be the O.C. at a little organization called the Patriots. But they only won 3 Super Bowls while he was there. Meanwhile, Bob Bratkowski has won the Terence Stamp Lookalike Contest six consecutive years (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000654/).

Also: Josh Cribbs tweeted that he won't be back with the Browns next year. I love Bernard Scott, but Cribbs is a beast. And hella better than Quan Cosby. These are moves we NEED to be making. You get those two guys, and we are a potential Vegas favorite to win the Super Bowl next year (provided Zimmer stays). The only other move they would have to make would be to grab an offensive weapon in Round 1--either a great TE like Jermaine Gresham or the best WR on the board--and maybe another great pass rusher in Round 2 of the Draft. Done and done.

To state the obvious...

If it turns out that not "paying the man" is the one and only reason for Zimmer's departure, then it will be absolutely certain that Bengals ownership and management will have continually failed to meet the last WDR manifesto demand.

@SM

I'm all for drafting Marty Gilyard in rd 1... assuming he's still there. Chad's doesn't have a whole lot longer left, and Coles just isn't getting it done. I like the idea of D-line or safety in rd 2 too.

This is not related at all, but Christmas Ape is ripping us again.

"What is this, the Pity Party Guide to the Postseason?

Yeah, Mike Brown hates his fans and got a sweetheart deal on a stadium. Ditto 25 other owners in the league. Shut the fuck up, Bengals fans.

And fuck Who Dey Revolution. They protested the team last year by buying up billboards demanding Brown hire a GM when they’re doing shitty. Team ignores their demands and wins anyway. Result: WDR stops protesting. Fuck those fairweather assholes."

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2010/01/haters-guide-to-the-postseason-cincinnati-bengals.html#more-23011

Terence Stamp shit is unreal.

I saw that from Ape. Whatever. He's an agitator, as is their whole site. If you start taking them seriously then you stop finding their site funny, which is bad, cause their site is really fucking funny. Well, at least Big Daddy Drew is.

You said the magic words, If it comes down to money........Come on, this is Mike Brown. Everything comes down to money. Bye Mike Zimmer, thanks for making the Bengals legitimate.............temporarily .

Ok come on people, if Zimmer leaves because of money it isn't just because Mike Brown is cheap. Remember Snyder is the same owner the back in 2006 hired Al Suanders and paid him more than 1/4 of the head coaches were making at 2 million a year. They Bengals would have to pay Zimmer more per year than they pay Marvin in order to keep him. My guess is the Bengals would go as high as 2-2.8 million a year but Synder would offer him 4-5 if he really wants him. Keep in mind 90% of the other NFL teams (Dallas, and Washington being the exceptions)wouldn't offer an assistant more than 3 million. As hard as it is for the grumpy complain all the time fans here to realize Snyder is the Yankees when it comes to money and though we all like spending other peoples money the Bengals and most other teams just don't have that to throw around.

Wow did i really just defend MB, what a sad day, but the truth is the truth.

@the truth,

That's fine and all but do you realize how irrational it is to not match the highest bidder for Zimmer?

He is to our defense what Carson is to our offense for the most part. We know for a fact that Zimmer is among the top of coordinators/coaches in the NFL. If you replaced him with the average D Coordinator the Bengals wouldn't have even smelled the playoff. He is money good. He is proven.

So why is $4 million too much to ask to solidify one half of the entire team? That is the best return you can get per dollar in the NFL as far as I know. Mike Brown just dropped $7 mil/year taking a flyer on Coles and you're telling me a few million a year is too much for Zimmer?

Sure, it's not typical to pay coordinators that much. But once you get beyond that totally irrelevant factor, signing Zim for a high price needs to happen because the step is so obvious and has such an important effect.

@SM

Really you're going to knock the Bengals for not fire Brat and hiring Weis just a week before the playoffs. Yeah that shows stability, tell me how many other playoff teams fire their coaches the week before the playoffs start. Bet you can not name a single team in the history of the NFL that has done that. I hate Brat and would love Weis but nothing would go to show that this is a unstable organization more than firing a coach of a playoff team before the playoffs. Wow. Really.

@ Sleeping With Bieniemy
I'd love to agree with you, don't get me wrong i'd be pissed it Zimmer leaves but it isn't as easy as that. If he pays Zimmer 4-5 mill, then if he extends Marvin instead of paying Marvin 4-5 mill which is what he would get based on the market, he'd have to pay Marvin 6-7 Mill (Shanahan/Cowher money). Then he'd have to give Brat a raise to make his salary comparable with Zimmer's. So you go from spending 5-6 on your head coach and coordinators to 17-20. We're not talking pocket change here.
Secondly that is why Snyder overpays his coordinators because no other team will match his crazy offers. Look at what he paid Haynesworth and for what underperformance.
Again i think MB is cheap but come on now it's one thing to call him cheap but another to expect him to spend Yankee/Snyder money.

@the truth,

Yes, I had thought of that wrinkle. You sure as hell don't have to give Brat a raise though. It's Marvin that's the issue. But there are always creative ways to work these things out.

For example, you can just pay Marvin an equivalent or nominally higher salary for the last year on his contract (next year), make Zimmer assistant head coach and then let the chips fall where they may the next year.

The point is, if you want to win, you find a way to get it done. It doesn't even sound like they're trying now.

Make no mistake, Mike Brown is rich as shit. He can afford to pay his coaches a lot. Strong coaches matter more to the Bengals than elsewhere because the front office is so weak.

@ the truth

It was an unfair comment, yes. No team would ever fire a coordinator before the playoffs. I get that. I'm just pissed that we have to deal with Brat for another season. Or ten.

Since this has devolved from figuring out a real way (read: not a post on a blog) to get Mike Brown to realize how badly he needs to keep Mike Zimmer, here are my random player/personnel thoughts:

-They need to take a serious look at Brandon Marshall in the offseason if Denver is, in fact, shopping him, as the rumor goes. Chad's going to fall off (a la Vern)/leave (a la TJ), and it would be nice to have a legitimate replacement when he does. I'd go so far as to say that if it came down to Marshall or Cribbs for the Bengals Annual Big Money Free Agent Signing (there's only one a year), Marshall would be the guy to get, in spite of his perceived attitude. Brat's not creative enough to use Cribbs to his full potential, and Cribbs isn't a good enough wide receiver to replace Chad, so basically we're getting a decoy and a return man as opposed to a legit number 1 receiver.

-Domata Peko needs to be signed to a long-term contract before the rest of the league realizes just how damned good he really is. He's as close as this team is ever going to get to a Casey Hampton/Albert Haynesworth-type, game-changing DT. Plus, he's freakin' awesome.

-I realize it's been said before, and I hate to beat a dead horse, but since they're facing him for the second time in as many weeks, just imagine how good the Bengals' secondary would be if they had traded up a couple of spots to get Revis instead of waiting for Hall to fall into their laps. It boggles the mind.

-To reiterate a point I made long ago, if Jordan Palmer is smart enough to create the RunPee app, he thinks outside the box enough that he should be the playcaller for the Bengals offense. Promote Jay Hayes to OC, let JP call plays, and get rid of Brat. Use the extra money to pay Zimmer.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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