IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)
29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
Good decisions breed more good decisions, at least you would hope. Now for the love of god, let's please make the next good decision and fire Brat...Carson's career depends on it.
Posted by: junglelover | January 12, 2010 at 04:16 PM
Mike Brown decisions are by mutation from some original source of idiocy, which he hides under his mattress. He doesn't breed decisions.
Posted by: FeedMikeBrownToAquaBengal | January 12, 2010 at 06:31 PM
How much do I need to donate to get a new billboard up? I'm thinking something along the lines of "Mike Brown's To-Do List" across the top, with three boxes below it. The first one has a check in it with the words "Re-Sign Zim". The second and third boxes are empty, with the second followed by "Fire Brat and Hire a Real Offensive Coordinator" and the third followed by "Hire a GM". That way, we show our satisfaction with the re-signing of Zimmer, state our dissatisfaction with Bratworst, and still tie in to the original billboards.
Posted by: Wyatt | January 12, 2010 at 07:38 PM
Either that, or photoshop up a picture of a fireman with a plunger in his hand with the tag line, "You wouldn't pay a fireman to clean your drains, so why is a Pro Bowl quarterback getting paid only to hand the ball off?"
Posted by: Wyatt | January 12, 2010 at 07:44 PM
Awesome idea Wyatt! I will donate.
Posted by: FeedMikeBrownToAquaBengal | January 12, 2010 at 07:46 PM
4. Cut Coles
Posted by: Dynomite | January 13, 2010 at 08:39 AM
Well I think we have about a week timeframe on the firing of Brat. If he's not gone by this time next week, that means he's not going anywhere. I'm not expecting Brown to fire Brat but I was also not expecting him to come up with the dough to re-sign Zim either. So maybe he'll surprise us. LOL
Posted by: BengalsDouche | January 13, 2010 at 08:59 AM