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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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November 16, 2009

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Listen, I'm all for the playful celebration, but you guys are doing Jon Fanene a major disservice here.

Not only does he sport the giant rattail, he's got a porn star 'stache from the 70s to go with it. Rattail + 70s Porn Stache = 2 Sacks on Rapistberger. Throw in the awesome sack celebration, and that's a big ol' bunch of pure win right there.

Let's not forget, though, the one thing that made this ALL happen. The play that made yesterday not only a possibility, but an actuality...

Releasing Brad St. Louis.

Can you imagine how much more nerve-wracking yesterday would have been with him still snapping (even tho Huber was a little haunted by the ghost-of-botched-holds-past)? UGH.

Kudos to whomever finally pulled the trigger on that guy.

Bratkowski didn't call a good game. The difference this year is the defense played so well they could get away with being conservative on their last offensive drive when another first down or two would have ended the game. If the old Bengals had kicked off leading by six with 2 minutes left, the game would have ended in a one-point loss. So the game ball goes to Zimmer, again!

ps. Look at the replay: it was Quan Cosby who made that kickoff return happen. He blocked two guys at the end and one of those two at the beginning (including a little shirt-grab that went unnoticed by the refs)

HippopotaSmith and Chase Coffman: If not now, when? (and maybe Jerome Simpson too)

That's Randall "I'm Really" Gay that Quan Cosby blocked towards the end of the return. But that doesn't matter - respect THE FANENE~!

Sly, you've got it wrong on Mike Zimmer. He's not Jesus, he's the Archangel Michael (hence MIKE Zimmer), also known as the Commander of the Army of God. He will lead the battle of The War of the Sons of Light Against the Sons of Darkness, aka, Bengals-Steelers III, in the playoffs this year.

Wiki it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_(archangel)

SM - You are correct, I can't be bringing that weak ass theology into your house.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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