IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;
Introduction
WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:
Manifesto Demands
THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”
THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;
THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;
THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;
THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;
THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”
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20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game
0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner
.359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)
29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers
6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.
0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility
10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006
32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007
458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS
2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal
3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league
747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona
118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.
97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.
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True about Mike Brown sucking, but I take no stock in what Peter King has to say. He hates the Bengals and Mike Brown. I almost wonder if Mike Brown ran over his dog or something.
I also half-expected the article to have some ball-washing comparison to Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and/or the Patriots. EVERYTHING this douche spouts is about that homo organization in Foxboro, Mass.
Posted by: TheCarlPickensClause | November 24, 2009 at 01:11 PM
I take that back--I read the entire article. He did mention Belichick. I knew he couldn't go more than three sentences without making some reference to One of his trifecta/trinity. I seriously hate this guy.
Posted by: TheCarlPickensClause | November 24, 2009 at 02:15 PM
Don't forget Brett Fagre and his constant retirement/unretirement/retirement/unretirement/retirement saga.
Posted by: Wyatt | November 24, 2009 at 05:15 PM
Let me simply say to Mr. King (because he is apparently too 'stoopid' to understand this principle): Hindsight is 20/20!
Let me say that paul Brown was as dumb as a stump when he also didn't promote a coach from within (the right coach that is) in that he let Bill Walsh go and instead he hired Bill 'Tigger' Johnson and then even further fucked it up by hiring Homer "D'oh" Rice!
Amazing how people make the situation fit the argument (rather than the other way around). Nice going, King, you hack!
Posted by: wch | December 01, 2009 at 06:16 PM
Oh yeah I forgot.... Nice comment Wyatt Burp! What a turd!
Posted by: wch | December 01, 2009 at 06:17 PM