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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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« A Stunning Loss | Main | Bengals 17, Ravens 14 »

October 11, 2009

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No sane person would predict a Bengals win today.

The TV announcers said: "They call them the 'Cardiac Cats!" Who the fuck calls them the 'Cardiac Cats?' "Who’s the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?” Nobody? Outstanding! Oh? Yes? WHATTTTTTTT? Er... Mikey BOy Brown?

Nice snap, Mr. St. Louis. Nice kick, Mr. Franchise.

Oh wait.

Seriously. If someone doesn't fire Brad St. Louis immediately, I am hopping a plane and going to take care of him myself, Tonya Harding-style.

A good GM would have taken care of this in 2006.
Ooops.

Why is Dan Coats still being used in the passing game? He's proven time and time again he can't catch a ball. Stop trusting him.

Great play by Ed Reed to force the Chad fumble, but replay also showed the ball was far from secure. Typical.

There should be (note 'SHOULD BE') two cuts this week -- Dan Coates and Brad St. Louis. Both were pathetic performances, I actually have to give it to St. Louis as I think that he is going through what former Mets Catcher Mickey Hatcher went through -- and eventually ruined his career. He got a tick and never got through it. Golfers call it the yips. Either way, there's a viable explanation about things. With Coates, he just sucks. That's his problem.

WHO DEY BABY!!! We beat the mighty Ravens!

Dave Lapham summed it up pretty nicely: "Vicky Zimmer, this one's for you."


But enough sad stuff.....

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 4-1! 4-1! 4-1!

Holy shit!!! Viva la revolution!

I took the liberty of keeping track throughout the game:

Discarding the final Bengals drive (in which the 2 minute drill dictates passes), I tracked how many times the Bengals ran on second down. Just to see.

11 of 17 second down plays were run plays.

More importantly, of the second downs that were 8 yards or more to go (second and long), 5 of 7 were run plays. One of the passes, however, came on a 2nd and 20 after a penalty.

The announcers said that the Ravens were very anticipatory of Benson's rushes and that they "seemed to have a head in the huddle." But this isn't new. Bratkowski is probably the most predictable play caller in the league. Get him out.

WHO DEYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Bengals defense did a great job stopping #2 rated offense. I totally agree in firing St Louis and Coates. WHOOOOOO DEY!!! Viva Revolution

Two things...

1. Benson is the first 100yard gainer vs. Ravens in 39 games. They could have the head in the huddle as much as they want... Didn't seem to stop Benson.

2. Did I miss the untimely death of Chase Coffman? Wasn't he supposed to be our TE savior? Seriously... Did he get injured and I didn't see it? Did he get cut? Where the hell is he?

I wasn't on the train until this game. Don't get me wrong... I am certainly a douchebag. But Up until this game, I wasn't sure. Now, I am drinking the Kool-Aid. Just WOW! And we had THREE Bengal fans at Nikki Lee's in Vegas today. First time in about four years that I wasn't the only douchebag in the joint. Viva!

I really found myself losing a bit of my fan hood the first have of this year. I suspect it was just through anger towards Mikey and his tragically halarious clown-car-full-of-family-members of a front office. But over the last few weeks, I have cautiously felt my love for the team come back much like a pissed off lover who just needs time to realize what truly matters - the players and coaches. Its unfortunate that Mikey has control over both of these when he should...well, that part has been covered many of times.

That being said, I couldn't have asked for a better 25th birthday present today! Now, I will not contribute any money towards Mikey but I am becoming a believer in this team! As said by everyone else, two big things today that need to be corrected...
1) New long snapper
2) Move Daniel Coats to a new position...the bench. Where is Chase Coffman? I would also like to know!

Coffman is third string because he sucks. No, really. They were so disappointed with his performance in training camp that he was repeatedly demoted.

Also:

http://www.whodeyrevolution.com/whodeyrevolution/2009/10/quarterseason-reevaluation-of-preseason-prediction-featuring-a-superhyphenated-title.html#comments

Kiiiiiind of eerie. Don't know what it bodes.

If BSL was on the Raiders, Cable would have punched him in the face by now.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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