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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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October 13, 2009

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According to wikipedia, this guy is a winner.

"Harris is an avid board game player and 4 time Stoopball world champion with the help of team mate Christopher Mezey"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clark_Harris

Great quote here from Darrin Simmons regarding whether they should have continued their loyalty to St. Louis:

“What does it matter? We have to be able to snap the ball, hold the ball, and kick the ball,” Simmons said. “It doesn’t matter if it’s me or Marvin long snapping. We’ve got to do all those things.”

I just got a prank call. They hung up when I answered.

Why is this relevant you ask?

The caller ID showed the call was from "Brown Paul Stadium" 621-8383

must be a new marketing campaign.

Welcome, Clark Harris.
This should take me off the potential heart attack victim list. I realize it's tricky keeping the ball in the same zip code as the holder, but this was overdue.

It's a shame that it had to happen to a 10-year veteran this way. But it had to be done. Extra points and field goals under 50 yards have to be nearly automatic.

@Mockenrue: It's funny you say that. I know you're joking but I did see something today, I think on Lance's Blog, that someone received a call with a pre-recorded voice from someone in the Bengals organization (I can't remember who they said it was) inviting this person whom they called to a "phone conference" with Ray Maualuga and others at another time. I don't know how real this is but that's what's being said.

That was "me" who said that, Randy. Think you got our names confused.

I got that call also, and an email. It is real. They are actually going to call my house and if I answer at that time I will be joined to the call. Interesting, I am a season ticket holder. You would think they would include people they are trying to sell tickets to. They already have me.

Clark Harris to the throng of reporters trying to talk to him:

"You guys will never want to talk to me again," he said. "That's what I'm hoping for."

Actual quote. Actual awesomeness.

The comments to this entry are closed.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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