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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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October 21, 2009

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4. Bob Bratkowsuck (make plays predictable so the defense knows exactly what's coming)
5. Dave Shula (make everything suck more than it was thought sucking was possible)

Sam Wyche is known as the innovator of the No-Huddle Offense.

Bob Bratkowski will be known as the innovator of the No-Score Offense (aka Three and Out Ad Infinitum).

Brian McPhie should be calling the plays.

The Bill Walsh fiasco has got to be the worst event in the history of Cincy sports (#2 is Kenyon Martin breaking his leg against St. Loius in 1999). It was tantamount to trading Johnny Bench, Pete Rose, and Joe Morgan in 1972. We lost him right before he went on to greatness as head coach of the 49ers. Who knows what would have happened? We'd probably be sitting on 2 or 3 Lombardi trophies along with our current 5 World Series titles (and I'll throw in a Bearcats NCAA championship, to boot).

Also, being good at lacrosse in Ohio is like being good at baseball in Iraq. No one plays, no one cares.

Don't forget how Bresnahan perfected putting cornerbacks 50-80 yards off the line of scrimmage as a cornerstone of his bend-and-break defense. If anyone epitomizes the MFB era, it's Up-Chuck.

Major,

Here's hoping Up-Chuck is reunited with No-Score Bob next year in the UFL. I think, at this point, Jordan Palmer as playcaller is an upgrade - the guy builds iPhone apps from the ground up - how can calling plays be?

Speaking of Jordan Palmer, I checked the RunPee times for Sunday's game against the Bears. There were 12 of them. When I looked at the details they all said:

"RunPee approximately (x) minutes into the game when...the Bengals face 2nd and long.

You will have approximately 45 seconds to RunPee while...

Cedric Benson runs up the middle for 1 yard."

The solution psychology question quickest way blames others. 4. psychology disease's two treatment way: First is takes medicine, second is familiar with it. “everybody has the dream” life law.

"RunPee approximately (x) minutes into the game when...the Bengals face 2nd and long.

This year he gets a pass since he had 60 days to install an offense which is why it has been like watching a high school football game most of this season.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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