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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 11, 2009

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One of the ESPN "experts" who chose Cincy as a wild card team was Adam Schefter. He recently sold out to ESPN, but before that was a correspondent working for the league itself. He's extremely knowledgeable and has a lot of connections. He probably knows what he's talking about, for whatever that's worth.

Broncos : This is a must game for the Bengals. They got more personnel problems than we do, but they also have an owner who will see to it they get fixed. 1-0

The Packers in Greenbay? Enough said: 1-1

Steelers: The only hope is to catch them naping on superbowl hangover. 1-2

Browns: We will split with them. We usually do. 1-3

Ravens: Should be even better this year. 1-4

Texans: Much improved and no issues. They usually play better early in year too. 1-5

Bears: Strong D and offense is much improved. 1-6

Ravens: Bengals loose in Rout. Palmer knocked out for year. 1-7

Steelers: Embarrasing loss. 1-8

Raiders: When was the last time Bengals won on West Coast? They break the streak. 2-8

Browns: Bengals split the series. 3-8

Lions: The will be better this year (can't be worse) The will see this as thier chance at a win. I take Bengals (barely) 4-8

Vikings: They will be putting on push for playoffs. 4-9

Chargers: New West Coast losing streak starts. 4-10

Chiefs: Bengals have packed it in for year. This is a toss-up. 5-10

Jets: Bengals Pull off mircle win: 6-10 Mike Brown points to last two victories as eveidence we are turning the corner and will be competitive next year, again....

The Bronco game is key. If they loose that one at home it might only be a 4 win season.

My predictions go like this 6-10 or 10-6. So we will suck or be good, like how I sound like a pro but dont have to worry about being wrong because I covered both grounds.

I like how Pete Prisco picks the Bengals to finish third in his column from September 2. Then a week later picks them to finish second AND knock off Pittsburgh in the first round.

TMQ had it about right. 4-12. People are giving the Cincinnati personnel much more credit than they deserve.

Yes, you got Maualuga, but as we ALL know, the Benglas had about three position players who were worth a darn top begin with. Having just one player in here doesn't cover the other holes that this team has throughout.

It's a nice story to hear about the new safety, but have you seen him play? It isn't very good. Sure it is good against garbage players from other teams but the first time a Terrell Owens cuts on him on the post -- he's TOAST! We have a great story on the running back side of things -- he looks pretty frisky but have you seen his body? Yes, he can go through line when it is the equivalent of 'Badluck Schleprock' that he is facing in the pre-season. Yep, he can push around "has-beens" and "never-were's" but what is he going to do when Farrior comes on a blitz? Good stories though...

Right now you can't talk to most local 'homers' because there are, right now, as we speak, idiots on radio -- hosts and callers who are thinking that the Bengals are going to go 11-5! I REALLY don't want to have what they're having... ...namely because it has killed their brains!

Carson, God Love Him, is only as good as his teammates and when we see the usual Chris Henry dropping easy passes, when we see that Chad didn't come to play today because his mind is on a computer bulletin board, when Cedric Benson gets banged up because of a pathetically offensive, offensive line and they have to put Boy Wonder in... Dede "Don't call me Tommy" Dorsey -- a man known to experience severe and debilitating injuries if someone even farts in the wind! Do you honestly feel good about "hangin' yer hat" with that kind of personnel?

Again, people are suffering first game fever when all they have to do is simply use their heads. These are the people that I want to sell cars to because they are gullible as all get out!

People, remember that in a team game, it is not one situation or person that makes things go from bad to worse -- it is a combination of things. A QB goes down with an elbow injury, then a starting defensive end gets turf toe, then you have a wide receiver who's been arrested for not paying child support -- as an EXAMPLE, then things can go downhill fast. Lord knows similar things have happened.

Here's a prediction that people should be asking themselves (and it might put these twerps back into reality): How many starters from the first game will be playing as starters (not specialists in certain situations etc.) by game six? How many will be gone because of lengthy injury sessions?

Interestingly enough. I ran a simulation on whatifsports.com, and Cincy finished 10-6. Split with Pitt and Balt, swept Clev.

Surprise win? SD, GB

Surprise loss? KC, NYJ

I still think 9-7, but who knows. The defense has to get off the field more to get a good season out of the team.

4 wins at most. The 1st or 2nd win will come at Oakland. This team sucks... more than 1/2 of the roster is no better than replacement level, in fact replacement level would be charitable label for some of them! I don't know what people are smoking.

WTF???? When did Schefter go to ESPN??? Damn, I drink so much I can't keep track of where the analysts are anymore...Schefter jumps ship to ESPN not long after Irvin jumps over to NFLN...weird...but anyhow... What puzzles me is the fact that after 18 years with no playoff wins and only one winning season is why fans still buy into the MFB hoopla? The Bengals being the epitome of mediocrity is an inside job much like(not sure who will actually agree with me on this here but) 9/11.


For the record I do not support either of the major political parties, as they are both flawed in their ways.

SWB, I just wanted to point out that when I lived in Donkey Land for three years that all of the CU homers still worship the ground that Eric Bieniemy walks on, despite the fact that he played there in the early 90's. They worship Kordell Stewart with the same tenacity that they do with Bieniemy, since they haven't even sniffed a good college squad since then.

Also, Boomer once told The Chin that at least he didn't coach the first gay* quarterback during a halftime show during a playoff game once(which was a reference to Kordell Stewart), after Cowher dissed Boomer for being a Bengal QB.


More drunken ranting infused partially by my excessive drinking and the fact that the Shitsburgh Squealers and their fanbase make me a misanthropic motherfucker. WHO DEY, win or lose.(unfortunately the latter is what we usually see.)

*not too sure this is fact, but my stepbrother used to live in Shitsburgh and he told me that Kordell Stewart was an actual homosexual. I also saw an "You Know you're from Pittsburgh If.." list that mentioned the fact that you are from that shithole if you would never let any of your guy friends accept a random car ride from one Kordell Stewart.

Well, I'm off to drink more beer. My over/under for games played in by CP9 still stands.

@Danimal: 9/11 was sort of an inside job the same the Bengals are sucky and the same way New Orleans was left to drown: Leaving completely incompetent people in charge of needed improvements is almost the same thing as someone sabotaging things intentionally. That's why they call it criminally negligent homicide... Mike Brown is guilty of criminally negligent homicide of... professional football in Cincinnati (Senator Peacock did it in the library, with the Klingler. No! It was Professor Plum in the kitchen with the Akili Smith)

Just found this one a month late...

http://rumorsandrants.com/2009/08/thebakers-nfl-preview-cincinnati-bengals.html

Jim's simulation is looking pretty smart.

Leyland in any way instances appears to produce the best choice on the best time, and that consists of batting orders, pinch hitting choices and setting the pitching rotation.

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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