I'm never usually pumped up going into the Bengals season, but this year has all the droppings of magic that a team needs to achieve greatness. 1st Round Holdout? Check. Bratkowski? Check. Decimating Injuries? Checkmate.
The Bengals are going to go 17-2 this year. I love watching this team and all of their lovable idiosyncracies. Can't block for Carson, not problematic at all. Can't rush the passer? Doesn't matter because pass rushers don't win games, wide receivers do. You may say that the Bengals are all about style and not enough about substance, but at the end of the day, style is the one going home to rail the prom queen. And the Bengals are that prom queen. Style picked us to rail, and goddamnit, railed we shall get.
When I look at the schedule this is how I see it playing out.
The Broncos have turned a very loyal fanbase into one that wouldn't mind seeing its coach die an untimely death. Win.
The Packers aren't going to do anything with such a lackluster offense. I can't even name a receiver for them. Does Sterling Sharpe still play?
We OWN the Steelers. On a semi-related note, I would gladly watch an entire Final Destination movie where Hines Ward gets killed over and over in elaborate and grisly fashion.
The Browns? I wasn't aware they fielded a team this year. Didn't they relocate or something?
The Ravens are a mess. I just don't know what direction their front office wants to go in. They should emulate the Bengals clear cut vision for the future.
The Texans are like the little unwanted stepchild of professional sports in Texas.
The Bears barely deserve to be on the same field as the Bengals. They should have to play remotely from West Virginia.
The Raiders are just bad. Wow, I almost, keyword almost, feel sorry for them.
Vegas lists the Lions odds of going 0-16 again this year at 1-1.
The Vikings are going to be crippled by an old stubble bearded pill popping yokel telling everyone to get off his lawn.
The Chargers are going to beat us. I'm still reeling from the 2006 contest against them.
The Chefs, what a silly name for a team.
And finally, the Jets. By this time we'll be resting our starters for the playoffs so they may be able to hang with our ridiculously strong second team. This game's a toss up.
So if the Jets can beat our second team we'll be 14-2. And then the playoffs will be a breeze. Bratkowski has been waiting for a while to break out his second, completely different and better playbook (Although I don't know how you can possibly top the perfection that is his first playbook) for our three easy victories.