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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 15, 2009

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What is equally telling was how Kevin83 finished his original post - "God Bless the Jaguars, and God Bless Wayne Weaver"

+1 for the Punxsutawney Phil reference - being a Pennsylvanian from about 45 miles west of Punxsutawney, it at least made me smile. In terms of the letter itself, it doesn't actually admit any culpability in the Jaguars' woes or promise any kind of change in the future. Just vague references to "good memories" and creating a new generation of loyal Jaguar fans.

Is there a legitamite GM and how many scouts do they have?

I have written MFB and he does read the letters. I am sure not all, but if you are season ticket holder he reads a lot of them. He is also known to write back or even call you.

He will tell you that they are "trying hard" and that they have all the information on players that any team has. On my trip to see him (included free bad lunch) he showed me a scouting service they subscribe to. He said it gives them all the information on all the players that you need to make decisions and it costs a fraction of the amount it does to actually hire scouts. I could not believe he was that open with me.

Like I have said many times, If you met Mike on the street and did not know who he was, you would like him. He is personable, friendly, and has been known to tell a few jokes. This is part of the reason it is so incredibley frustrating that he treats the fans of the Bengals and the team the way he does. If MFB would ever sit back, hire a true GM and become an ambassidor for the team people would really like him. But he wants to be GM. Why? I do not know. It is dumbfounding.

He wants to be GM because someone fired his daddy. Hence, he cannot imagine firing himself.

Please abandon hope. All hope.

If trying hard and being nice was equal to competence at running a team, then the Bengals wouldn't be a laughingstock.

Buffoonery is a lofty goal in that organization.

Dear Kevin83,
Your post this week on the Bengals message board brought back a lot of great memories. Like you, I recall the excitement of that day in November, 1967 when the Bengals were born and I realized for the first time how rich I would be.
I also recall thinking at that time about all the young people in our community and how rewarding it was going to be to get stupid rich due to their unwavering lifetime support. So many of my friends and acquaintances tell me about how embarrassed they are that their sons and daughters have become fans. I thank them, and then tell them to “fuck off.”
Last week, I met with one of them. He was 14 years old and came with his father to see me. He had worked at odd jobs all summer and had saved his money, and he wanted to use that money to buy his own season ticket to the Bengals games. Sucker!
I know that we are faced with hard economic times, but your post and those who commented on it, as well as fans like my new 14-year old financier, show me that from a purely financial standpoint, status quo works. I believe that the young generation of Bengals fans is intent on making me even richer. And you know what - I am going to let them!
I am going to reprint your post below so that all of our Bengals fans who may have missed it on the message board get a chance to enjoy it. Thank you for your support, and I apologize in advance for the rebuilding season. If not for Andre Smith’s foot, we surely would have won the Super Bowl.
Sincerely

F. Mike Brown
Bengals Owner

P.S. Fuck you!!

Well, honestly, what did this owner tangibly say? "Hey Fourteen year old... I got yer money. Hey Kevin83, See how we roll?"

Really, what was actually said? If this little tidbit makes you all misty between the legs, well, you know the rest!

Suffice it to say, it doesn't take much to make you feel all 'ooey and gooey.' With people like that, it is no wonder that you voted for the stadium and have been letting MBB sucker you in for so long.

It really is this simple Mike Brown is a lost seal lion trying to find a tasty treat. AR AR AR AR AR

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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