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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 09, 2009

Desperation Is A Stinky Cologne

The Bengals are officialy in crisis mode to sell out the Broncos game. People that buy tickets before thursday at 1PM will be entered into a raffle with a special prize. The prize package includes getting to attend a Bengals friday practice as Chad's guest. Eating gruel in the Bengals cafeteria with Chad. And then getting to sit next to Chad while he does his regular Ustream. This prize is actually kind of cool. It's the fact that there is no way the Bengals braintrust would ever have thought to have a raffle and, you know, generate some goodwill amongst their fans towards the team, if they weren't so desperate to avoid a dreaded blackout on sunday.

Posted by on September 09, 2009 at 01:15 PM in Blackouts |

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Oh goody, sign me up. NOT! What would you talk about, his gold teeth? Orange chinstrap? Next end zone dance if he gets there? His drops in crucial moments? How he does not block down field? Is being with him worth a ticket? LOL

Posted by: TigerJ@w | September 09, 2009 at 01:26 PM

2nd prize:
2 tickets to a Bengals home game
3rd prize:
4 tickets to a Bengals home game
4th prize:
An autographed Odell Thurman jersey

Posted by: Rich | September 09, 2009 at 01:27 PM

Actually, after watching Hard Knocks, I would very happily take this prize. Chad comes across as someone who's got more going on inside his head than what he Tweets, and I'd be interested in seeing just what goes on in there.

Posted by: Wyatt | September 09, 2009 at 03:56 PM

I've heard that the food at PBS is actually league-best. The reason? Hamilton County picks up the tab. Same probably goes for the toilet paper for the offices - can you say dodeca-quilted?

Posted by: Charlatan | September 09, 2009 at 04:47 PM

The food in PBS is actually good by staduim standards, although if it was a restaurant you would never go there. However, that food is VERY different from the daily food served to the team during the week. As a former suite holder I was invited to visit the team for practice and lunch one day. Everyone was nice enough, but the food was not good. There was nothing offensive about it, just bland. Reminded me of burger you use to get at Riverfront. Most of the players do not eat it. They either send someone out to pick up lunch or go out to lunch.

Posted by: Theme-Creator | September 09, 2009 at 06:16 PM

I need to check the official rules, but isn't this a lottery? Prize, chance, and consideration? You have to pay to have a chance to win (unless there's an alternate means of entry, in which case may I implore you to pummel them)

Posted by: Boso | September 09, 2009 at 09:36 PM

Hey I just checked and did not see an alternate means of entry on this promotion they are doing. I'm pretty sure it's an illegal lottery. Can someone confirm? And if true, report?

Posted by: Boso | September 09, 2009 at 09:49 PM

You are right that this reeks of desperation. How long has the local sports media like Lance McAlister been pining for something like a BengalsFest and/or a Bengals caravan to generate exposure and good will in the community? But those types of events would costs MikeyBoy money, and he would have to hire staff to plan them.

Posted by: Major Payne | September 10, 2009 at 08:51 AM

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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