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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

  • Preamble

    IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

    Introduction

    WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

    Manifesto Demands

    THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

    THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

    THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

    THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

    THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

    THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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August 14, 2009

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Love the metaphor, feel badly for Bud. Perhaps the Bengals could employ him to spread their message of an unending quest for competitiveness.

Wow. Just wow. Further proof Mikey needs more fiber in his diet. And Katie needs to learn to like prune juice.

Pathetic. If a disgruntled fan base pulled an aerial banner around Steelers camp the Pitt front office would just laugh at it.

I just rewatched "Hard Knocks" this morning. As a Bengals fan it is even more totally embarrassing to see Pa leading coaching meetings and Punkin whining over Mudslide's contract. Since the Indian Hillsbillies have total discretion over what airs I was not surprised the banners didn't make it to air. Mike Brown, you equal FAIL on all levels.

Another point: I wondered why the Indian Hillsbillies would consent to allowing "Hard Knocks" to cover training camp. Then I remembered that MFB wants to assure the world that which only he believes: he is just like his father, a football genius in every respect. Thus, he is filmed making personnel moves and running coaches meetings. He'll never get the fact that he is far more like his mom, an idiotic obscure Upper Arlington housewife. He's a genetic lottery winner. Nauseating.

I'm starting to think Marvin wanted Hard Knocks as a way to show the nation he is not the problem.

Make sure Bud saves all that flight data as evidence, because if he really does get pushed out, it could be important for a lawsuit. Also, I think most ATCT have phone logs, he should see if he can get a copy of the phone call from "Bengals Chief Security Officer".


With all that said, Great Job, Bud. I hope all goes well for you, and you've done a great service for the cause.

You can't blame the good folks in Kentucky aviation for this. They've been on high alert ever since Auric Goldfinger tried to use a single engine plane to deliver nerve gas to the troops at Fort Knox.

Thank you, Bud. Thank you.

Comrade Robert - Agreed. Marvin had to convince MB that Hard Knocks would be a good thing for the team. In reality, it helps our cause at WDR because the world can see how stupid MB is, and helps Marvin in finding his next job. If Marvin can lead this team to 8-8 seasons under such poor ownership, then he is a better coach than many people give him credit for being. Especially since he has done it under Mr. Competitiveness.

I know this doesn't directly advance WDR's goals, but we got our message across. What if we drew up an exclusive sporting contract between the bengals and Bud to advertise the tickets that clearly won't sell? Bud gets work (and our thanks for Project Mayhem), MB and his lawyers get off his back (especially if he's paying Bud to advertise ticket sales over the rest of training camp - this would ruin any legal approach the Bengals could take), and we can get the Enquirer to run an article about MB's volte-face providing even more embarrassment? This beautifully-written article would likely form the bulk of it. Bravo, Eddie, and bravo Bud.

OK, I don't know the layout of Georgetown but are there any free roads around there? Find three suitable locations. Got to a mobile adverstising company -- you know, one of those places that has those vans similar to that schmuck who's touting the security of his company by posting his Social Security number -- you know that guy who offers something like a 'zillion' dollars for the security probmise he is hawking? You know, the guy who had some college twit in the northeast order up an ID with his Social Security Number -- you know, the guy that never paid up (as far as I know) on his 'bet' about someone stealing his identity! You know... ...THAT IDIOT? http://ha.ckers.org/blog/20080523/lifelock-ceo-gets-identity-stolen/

Well remember the vans advertising his Social? How's about three of those vans traveling in trail with legal distance between each other with whatever message you want? I don't know that MBB could put up enough barriers to block that out and if there are open areas... ...park the vans (legally, of course). As far as the pilot, simply go to court and sue for treble the damages. Loss of the business, I wonder if that might translate to half a mil or not?

I have the first message: "Mikey Boy Brown... "F|uck off!" Now if you wanted to add something in addition to that -- say, 'you piece of worthless DNA!!!' -- or worse... go for it.

tldr

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    Bengals Futility - By The Numbers

    • 20 - Years since the Bengals have won a playoff game

      0 - Total number of playoff wins in Mike Brown's tenure as owner

      .359 - Bengals regular season winning percentage since Mike Brown took over as owner (115-206-1 in 20 seasons)

      29-34-1 - Record since 2005 playoff game vs Steelers

      6 - Seasons the Bengals have lost their first six games since 1991. No other team has more than two.

      0 - Teams North of Cincinnati without an indoor practice facility

      10 - Players arrested in a 14 month span from 2005-2006

      32 - Mike Brown's ranking, out of 32, of the "Best Owners in the NFL" by Michael Silver of Sports Illustrated in 2007

      458,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, that Hamilton County Taxpayers paid to build PBS

      2032 - Year that Hamilton County will have finally paid off its debt on the stadium deal

      3 - Total number of non-clerical employees employed in the Bengals scouting department, lowest in the league

      747,000,000 - Amount, in dollars, paid in free agency by the Bengals from 1994 - 2005, second worst of all 28 teams in existence for the duration, behind only Arizona

      118 – Ranking, out of 118 professional teams, of the “Worst Franchises” in professional sports, as ranked by ESPN the Magazine in 2003.

      97 – Ranking, out of 98 general managers in all four major sports with three or more years of experience, of Mike Brown’s performance as a GM, as ranked by Forbes in 2007.

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