Week 3 of Hard Knocks.
1000 - Joe Buck Live. Great show. Previously on Hard Knocks. Carson talks down to the Bengals "trainers". Why, because he can and should. Players hit each other.
1002 - We open at dawn. Bratkowski looks svelte on that bike. He ought to ride into the sunset and never come back.
1005 - "When this football team takes the field what are they gonna say?" Their helmets are kickass but I'm glad I don't play for them.
1006 - Roy Williams,"Tom got skills man. And he fast." Translation: I hate when white boys are faster than me.
1008 - Wow, HippopataSmith is getting dogged on pretty hard. That won't be awkward or anything once he joins the team a couple months from now.
1010 - Horse country...a**holes and elbows...HBO is really reaching on that segue. I love Zimmer though. "Whole bunch of guys on our defense that no one wanted." Yes, you are correct about that Mike.
1013 - Mauauauaulaaagaaa. Oooooooh snap! Is that guy dead? "He is a sumbitch." Uh oh, this Bengals trainer's job is to make sure Maualuaga is diagnosed and out for the year with a sprained/fractured vertebrae in his shoulder blade. I wouldnt be surprsied if we saw them bloodletting players with leeches.
1017 - Marvin is on his A game today, "You could grow a goddamn ankle back by now. People recover quicker from malaria." Straight killin it.
1018 - Palmer, "Im an astoundingly fast healer." Trainer, "Not if I have anything to do with it. We're thinking you'll be back by week 10."
1019 - You hear that Mikey Boy, the O-line needs continuity. Sign Andre Smith already.
1023 - Ochocinco condoms everyone. No words.
1025 - Benny Scott. Brat, "Hes real." Good, cause I was hoping we wouldn't be giving carries to a hologram. Things that are also true about Bernard. He plays football. He eats multiple times a day.
1026 - Brian Leonard. Steady(Slow). Pass protects. White.
1028 - Fitzgerald, "I know the trainers are certified in Haiti so if you feel something tell me cause they dont know what they're doing."
1030 - "What's his name? Don't worry about it. I dont know his name either." Darryl Blackstock cried himself to sleep that night.
1032 - MESS BRADY UP!!!!!!! Don't even wait for the game to start. Just Kerrigan him now.
1034 - Chad's fast, but is he Tom Nelson fast?
1035 - Understatement. Rey looks good.
1037 - Frostee just hit somebooodddyyy.
1040 - Its offical Chad is just as good of a kicker as Shayne. At least on kickoffs that is.
1041 - Tom nelson BRINGS THE PHYSICALITY!
1042 - The Shirley experminet continues unabated.
1042 - Seriously, why would Leonard get the 3rd spot? So that the Bengals can have a slow but steady pass blocker. Meanwhile Dede is making tacklers look straight foolish.
1044 - Tom Nelson BRINGS THE STRIPPABILITY. Next brilliant Mikey idea. Nelson running the wildcat.
1045 - Most beautiful city in the world. Look at that river. You could eat dinner off of that river.
1046 - Chad doesnt even have to say anything to make me laugh. Is he at Claire's in the Kenwood mall?
1048 - Are we going to get through a whole episode without any Mikey Boy? Please say so. It's soothing when we actually look like a professional organization with these meetings.
1049 - And nope. Mikey cuts some more guys. Oh boy, Katie and Alvin. She always look like shes taking a dump. So you meet for 4 hours and you dont make any progress. I hate both of them. "Lets stay in touch." What is that? You're business partners. Hammer something out and get the player in practice.
1051 - Is Lippincott wearing a diaper underneath those shorts. Does he wear his shorts like that so that no one will notice all his shirts are actaully tube tops?
Until next time.